Page 38 of Waiting For Ever
“C’mon, before they miss us.” He clasps my hand and tugs me toward the group.
I follow, feeling warm and fuzzy. Whether from the jungle juice or the guy, I’m not sure, but he holds my hand all the way back to the bonfire. I’m leaning toward it being the guy.
As we approach the fire, no one turns or even seems to notice us. Pete and Shelley are dancing to the song Noah plays on his guitar and Lilly sings softly beside him. These two are true couples goals. The young boys are making gagging noises as their parents dance. The high school girls are taking selfies. As I take my seat next to Lilly, she puts her arm around me and bumps my arm in invitation to sing along. The song is a country song I’ve heard plenty of times, but not well enough to offer more than chorus support. And I do so, shamelessly. Liquid courage, compliments of the jungle juice. I’m shocked when Julian joins in. And his voice isn’t half bad.
This night is perfect. Another one I want to stay frozen in.
After the song ends, I take another gulp of my drink. I don’t look up to see if Julian is watching me. I know he is. I ignore the nagging guilt to be the good girl I always am. I deserve to act my age. Noah is driving us home, so I don’t have to worry about that. And by most eighteen-year-old standards, I’m boring as hell.Fuck it!I down the rest of contents of my cup.
Speaking of Noah, he starts playing “Hey Ho” by The Lumineers, and Lilly taps her Solo cup to mine and begins belting out the lyrics. It’s not long before we all join in—even thecooler than usLittle Sister Gang. We all continue to sing while Noah plays until the fire starts to fade. Pete and Shelley carry the boys, who’ve finally passed out, totheir car, the Little Sister Gang pile into Noah’s SUV, filling up all the seatbelts, and that’s when Julian offers to drive us over to Allie’s.
Lilly proposes we walk and that the fresh air would be good for us.
“I agree with the fresh air. But let’s not risk it. The path is dark and . . . you know . . . snake season,” Julian warns.
“Fine. You win! All you had to say was snake.” Lilly marches to Julian’s Jeep in a fake tantrum and hops into the backseat.
Laughing, I follow her, secretly glad he offered. The critters of Blue Lake take some getting used to.
***
“You’ve never done it before?” Lilly is not one to mince words.
My face is on fire. My brain is spinning with ways to get out of answering this. While I seem to lose my shyness with Julian, I don’t know how to have these kinds of blunt girlfriend conversations. My sister and I never did. My mom was never around long enough to delve into anything beyond basic survival needs. And in their defense, I never had anything or anyone to ask or answer questions about. Until now.
She started peppering me with questions about Julian as soon as we walked into Allie’s. I didn’t hide the goodnight kiss Julian and I shared through the window of his Jeep when he dropped us off. When she came around to how he was, as inin bed, my face gave it all away, prompting her shocked accusation. A pillow puffs against my face at my silence.
“Spill it,” Lilly squeals, rearing back with her pillow in a threat to repeat the offense if I don’t answer.
“Have you?” I buy myself time by throwing it back at her.
“Nope. Nope.” She’s shaking her head adamantly. “I asked you first.”
I want to talk to her about Julian, but I also don’t know how much to say or how to say it. She’s the least judgy person I’ve ever met, unless she’s joking about hoolies and cougars. But that’s in the name of sarcasm and comedy. I respect this. I’m just not sure I can handle my sex life or lack thereof being her comic relief.
“Promise not to laugh?” When she opens her mouth with a smirk on her face—a knowing tell when something inappropriate is about to fly out—I add, “Or make jokes.”
She clamps her mouth shut and raises her hand in a mock scout promise. With her other hand she mimics zipping her lips closed.
I snatch the pillow off her lap and press it to my chest, wrap both arms around it and settle back against my headboard. She’s facing me, sitting with her legs crossed at the end of my bed. She flops onto her side and stretches out across the foot of the bed, propping her hand on the side of her head and resting on her elbow like she’s settling in for story time. She keeps her mouth shut, but her eyes are aglow with anticipation.
“I almost did.”
“With Julian?”
“Yeah.”
“Oh my God, I knew it.” She sits back up, wrapping her arms around her knees and rests her chin on them. “What stopped you?”
“Ugh, that’s a longer story.”
“I’m not going anywhere. Spill.”
So I do. All of it. Chase. Kendall. The crew. How it got even stickier because my sister and her boyfriend are their best friends. I feel the weight of it all falling away with the telling. Lilly’s animated and supportive indignation prove to be the comfort I didn’t know I was missing. Hearing it from her point of view makes me realize how much more fucked up it all was than I even let myself believe.
After I pour it all out, including all the Julian stuff, she hops onto her knees and clasps my legs with both hands. She pounces on them, playfully exclaiming, “You are so doing it. Like probably tomorrow. Shit, I cock-blocked you. God, if anyone deserves an epic first time, it’s you. And I fucking cock-blocked you.” She plops backward onto the bed and smashes the pillow over her face.
“You’re not the only one. Julian’s been doing that all week. Says he wants it to be special. And don’t start planning or romanticizing this,” I say when she drags the pillow off her face and studies me like the wheels are turning. “If it happens, I want it to be organic. Not orchestrated. I’m so awkward. If I tried to plan anything, I’d just fuck it up. When I don’t have time to think, I’m way better.”
