They had been surrounding me daily since the holidays because I loved living in the joy of the season, but even the magic of Christmas couldn't fix what was going on.
26
LUCIAN
The knock came at eight thirty, after I'd been pacing the hotel room for twenty minutes, second-guessing everything about this meeting.
After today's disasters, maybe I should've given us both space to process.
But the thought of spending another night alone, replaying Daniel's threats and Viktoria's calculated cruelty, had been unbearable.
I didn’t want space.
I wanted Tessa to know how I felt about her. I needed to know how she felt about me.
When I opened the door, Tessa stood in the hallway looking like a lost puppy hoping I'd take her in.
The usual spark in her hazel eyes was dimmed by emotion and I could tell she'd been crying.
Her eyes were red rimmed and her nose was red and puffy. It tore me up and instantly, I wished I'd just brought her here myself after work instead of allowing her to go home and stew for a few hours before coming.
"Thank you for coming," I said, stepping back to let her enter.
She nodded but didn't speak, padding past me into the room.
The space felt altogether too comfortable and normal.
We'd spent so many nights romping in hotels for the past ten months, the adventure had worn off long ago. Maybe that was fitting.
"Wine?" I gestured toward the bottle of cabernet I'd ordered from room service, hoping the familiar ritual might ease some of the tension radiating from her.
"No," she sighed, turning toward me. "I need to keep my head clear tonight."
Tessa always wanted a glass of wine to help her relax, and I'd have a glass of whiskey or something to ease my stress. It was the first hint to me that something wasn't right.
I turned my back on her briefly as I poured myself a glass, needing something to do with my hands, but my gut knotted up with worry that she was about to tell me she wanted space, or worse—end this.
"Today was brutal. I'm sorry you had to witness Daniel's performance."
"It wasn't a performance." She finally looked at me directly, and I saw exhaustion in every line of her face. "He meant every word."
"He's scared. They all are. When Viktoria gets her claws into someone?—"
"Stop." The word came out fierce, cutting through my explanation. "This isn't about your ex-wife's manipulation. This is about the reality of what we're doing." I looked at her, really looked, and saw fear in her eyes.
I set the wine glass down untouched, moving closer to her. When I reached out to touch her face, she didn't pull away, but she didn't lean into the contact either.
Her skin felt warm under my palm, but she remained rigid.
"Luci, I don't want either of us to lose our jobs." Tessa's head dropped and I used a finger to push her jaw up.
"We'll figure this out," I said quietly. "Whatever it takes."
She closed her eyes at my words, and for a moment I thought she might cry.
When I kissed her, she responded but without her usual fire. Her lips moved against mine mechanically, going through motions rather than feeling them.
I could sense her withdrawal even as she allowed the intimacy, and it made every touch feel hollow.