Page 78 of Cursed
Jolene sits beside me, her expression fierce. “That’s bullshit. No contract in the world can legally force you to stay with someone.”
I stare at my hands.
“Is he treating you badly?” Jolene asks, reaching for my hand. “Has he hurt you?”
The question hangs between us. I think about the initials carved into my skin, the night I woke disoriented with him already inside me, the endless surveillance, the threats. I think about how sometimes he’s almost gentle, and how that confuses me even more than the cruelty.
“He’s a bit unhinged,” The words tumble out in a whisper. “Landon doesn’t really care about boundaries.”
Jolene grabs my hand. “What has he done to you?”
I pull away, wrapping my arms around myself. “Nothing really.”
Jolene shifts closer. “Sadie, whatever he’s done, it’s not your fault.”
The shame burns deeper than his knife ever could. How can I possibly tell her that beneath everything lives a darkness that I’ve never admitted to anyone—not even myself?
“It’s not what he’s done,” I say, my voice barely audible. “It’s... how I’ve responded to it.”
“What do you mean?”
My fingers trace the outline of his initials beneath my sweater. “The things he does—most people would say they are cruel and wrong.” I swallow hard. “But...” I hesitate. “I’m drawn to him in ways I can’t explain with logic.”
Jolene stays silent, waiting.
“The other night,” I continue, “he drugged me. I woke up with him already—” I can’t finish the sentence, but Jo’s sharp intake of breath tells me she understands.
“That’s assault, Sadie. Plain and simple.”
I shake my head. “But when I woke up, feeling him inside me, I wasn’t disgusted. I wanted him so badly.” I hate the way my cheeks flame at admitting this to her. “What kind of person does that make me?”
“It makes you human,” Jolene says. “Some people respond to it. Did you have a conversation with him about it beforehand?”
I think back and shake my head. “Not exactly, but during the Hunt, we... we acted out a lot of scenarios. Resistance. Force. Me saying no while my body said yes.” My voice drops to a whisper. “I got off on it. That’s the sick truth I haven’t wanted to admit.”
The fact is I wanted it. I crave Landon’s brutality, even being owned by him. The way he watches me, tracks me, knows everything about me. The way he forces pleasure from my body.
“Maybe he did it because of that. Because he knew you’d enjoy it?” she suggests.
I hate myself for it—this twisted need he’s awakened. More than I hate him.
“I’m so fucked up, Jo,” I whisper. “Sometimes I think he sees the damage that was always in me—the part that lines up with his.”
Jolene squeezes my hand. “I get it. I’d never judge you for that. You could have told me.”
“I know, I just felt so ashamed.”
“Don’t be,” Jolene states, shaking her head. “We all have our kinks. I never told you I love being tied up and spanked. Doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with me.”
I laugh at that. Always trust Jolene to make light of a situation.
I pull my hands away. “Landon sees me—the real me. Not just the person I show to the world. He sees the darkness I’ve been hiding for so many years.”
“And do you care about him?”
It’s a good question. Can I care about a man like him? Deep down, I am scared of the answer.
“He gives me what he knows I want, even when I’m too afraid to admit it to myself. Landon doesn’t see me as broken. He sees me as perfectly matched to his own darkness.”
