Page 50 of Never Stop
Dr. Carr knows parts about Liam and his controlling and abusive ways. However, she's never been privy to the entire story. I guess my trauma goes deeper than I realize.
I don't respond, and I can tell my silence is all the answer she needs.
"Let me reverse your questions on you, okay? " She said, now speaking more as a question, filled with hesitation.
"What if this is your second chance? What if this is a sign?"
Well,damn.
"Damnit, Olivia, open this fucking door, or I will break it down!" Izzy's voice is firm, and I can hear the frustration laced in her words.
"V, just open up so she can calm her tits. You know how she gets." Dessa says in a softer voice.
I turned my phone off shortly after hanging up with Dr. Carr, and they wouldn't stop calling. I don't have a clock in my room, so I'm unsure what time it is.
I was still awake when the sun started to fade out and must have finally fallen asleep shortly after. Izzy and Dessa have been banging on my bedroom door for about a minute now. Their persistence is annoying today.
I let out an annoyed grunt as I shove the comforters to the side and push off the bed.
"I'm coming, give me a second."
As I open the bedroom door, Izzy storms in through it instantly, nearly knocking me down. She pushes past me, and I notice she's holding something in her hands that I don't even getto look over because she sets it down on my bed and starts after me. Dessa flashes a soft, knowing smile, sympathetic and almost apologetic.
"You know what, Via? I've been sitting back long enough watching you make these decisions, but I can't support them anymore," Izzy's voice is calm and not laced with frustration as it was when she was locked out of my room. Her facial expression and tone show the concern I know she feels inside. She continues as she paces the floor before me, "I love you. I know everything you've done has been for a reason, but I think you lie to yourself about what that reason is. . ."
I cut her off.
"Iz, I'm not sure where this is going, but you know my reasons. You know, the life I want for Ander, I cannot give it to him myself like I wish I could. How could you even be upset with me over this?"
"Wait, Ander, as intheAnderson Cole?" Dessa asks, confused. Apparently, Izzy didn't even completely fill her in on why they were coming over to yell at me.Great.
"Yes, that's the one!" Izzy says sarcastically. "Her blind date last night, that's who it was. Keep up, Des."
"Oh. . .Oh,"Dessa rubs a hand through her hair as she tries to piece everything together. I've told her about Ander.
"Yes, you don't want to hurt him. You want him to be happy. . . I know. That's all you ever say, but the real reason is you think thatyoudon't deserve happiness. You blame yourself.You blame yourself for everything. For things that have never been your fault. For a while, I thought you'd blame either Ander or me for convincing you to sneak out that night of the accident. Now, I know for a fact that you never did. So if you don't blame either of us, how can you blame yourself?"
Her words shock me.
It's nothing I haven't thought about or heard already. Dr. Carr has also mentioned this to me. I know they're right, but I don't know how to admit that or fix it.
I take a step back away from Izzy and turn toward my bed. As I do, she grabs my wrist to stop me. She doesn't keep her grasp on it for long. She moves both hands to my shoulders, forcing me to face and look at her.
". . .He came to see me. He came to Maverick's house, and we talked." She drops her head, breaking our stare. Her face is saddened with the admission. "I can't believe I never gave him the time to hear him out before. I'm so mad at myself for never forcing you to hear him out sooner."
"I'm glad you guys were able to catch up, but I—"
"Izzy, maybe you should hear her out on this one." Dessa, oh sweet Dessa. Thank you for trying.
Izzy turns to Dessa, not maliciously, but she's firm, "No, Des, I've heard her for six years. She needs to hear this."
She shoots her glare back toward me.
"He never got over you either, Via!" She shouts at me, but not out of anger. Her frustration is back, but her shouting is more of a way to get through to me. Izzy's patience is thinner than a sheet of loose-leaf paper. I'm always shocked that she can tolerate my stubbornness and handle it gracefully—most of the time.
Izzy sighs, goes to my bed, and picks up the object she held when she walked in. She walks back to me and gently puts it in my hands.
"Look, V, I love you. I do, but it's time for you to love yourself. It's time to be free from this goddamn cage you've locked yourself into." Izzy sighs, offers a half-ass attempt at a smile my way, a sad one, then pulls me in for a gentle hug and kisses me on the cheek as she walks out.
