Page 111 of Never Started
"Panic attack?" I ask softly, placing one hand on her arm. I just need to touch her.
She nods, still averting my eyes.
Without thinking twice, I drop to the ground right in the middle of the gravel driveway, sitting with my legs crossed. I reach my hands up, grab her by the waist, and pull her down to my lap.
I’m all too familiar with panic attacks as I struggle with them myself.
However, I’ve never seen her like this. No trace of her armour of defenses in sight. It’s a raw moment, where I’m truly able to see her, not the masks she hides behind. It crushes me. By the look of fear in her eyes, this is new territory for her.
Knowingsomethingis tearing her apart like this, I can’t handle it. I want to fix it for her. Whatever it is.
This was supposed to be a happy moment. I can’t imagine what brought this on.
I wrap my arms around her, but not too tightly so as not to overwhelm her more. She leans into my touch, resting her head perfectly on my chest as I begin softly swaying back and forth, rocking her.
The feel of her and the way she relaxes at my touch causes the organ in my chest to beat harder.Simmer down fucker. We’re comforting her, nothing more.
Everything in me just needs to be here for her, my defenses and vulnerable heart be damned.
Maybe I pushed too hard. I know she's struggling with her feelings and emotions... Maybe this is my fault for what I said to her last night.
My thoughts race, and guilt consumes me. I can't stand the thought that I caused her to break.
"I've got you, Iz. I've always got you. Just breathe through it, okay?" My voice cracks in an attempt to get the words out. Seeing her vulnerable like this breaks something in me. Hell, I'd crack my chest open, rip my heart out, and hand it to her if it would make her feel better.
I'd give anything to make whatever she's struggling with go the fuck away. She’s breathing so hard. Too hard.
"It may be difficult, but I need you to take slow, deep breaths,” I say. “Try to clear your head and only think about each breath you take. Can you do that for me?"
She nods against my chest as I continue to hold her close.
We sit there like that for a while in silence. The only sound between us is each deep, measured breath she takes. After a bit, I can tell her breathing is returning to normal. I rub my hand through her hair at the base of her neck, massaging her scalp.
Her eyes slowly travel their way up to meet mine, and I can see the pain she hides so well. She never has to hide it from me.
Together, I want to unpack it all. The good, the bad, and the ugly. I want itall.I want her exactly the way she is, with her stubbornness and smart-ass mouth included.
"Better?" I ask, as our eyes remain locked on one another's.
The moment is tender, and I don't want it to end. I know when it does, I won't get it back. I won't getherback, not like this.
"Yeah," she whispers, her voice cracking slightly.
"Wanna talk about it?" Her eyes screw shut instantly at my question, just as a tear trickles down her cheek, and I can clearly see the pain she's holding back.
"Jett, I—" She averts her gaze, attempting to speak, but it's as if the words won't form. Her hands grip tight at the back of my shirt, pulling me closer to her like she needs this moment to last just as badly as I do.
I can hear the crunch of gravel in the nearby distance, the sound growing louder as a truck comes into view.
She gasps, tensing all over again when the truck skids to a stop in front of us.
Just that quickly, I know the moment is gone. Giving me one last glance, she pushes out of my arms for what may be forever.
“Fuck,” I mutter under my breath to no one.
I guess this is typical of our story; the constant dance we can’t escape. Taking one step forward, and ten steps back.
Chapter fifty-six
