Page 34 of Never Started
I’m not one for falling to pieces, especially where other people can see. I still feel embarrassed that some random guy saw me like that. Yet, he was so kind.
I may not have seen his face, but the kindness he showed me and his words…
Sometimes we just need someone to sit with us through the darkness.
They will stay with me forever.
The rest of lunch with Via was difficult, but we got through it together. I assured her my tears were for her, not because of her. Consoling her while she cried, I held back my own feelings with a fragile, crumbling resolve.
Now, it’s a few hours later, and I’m in a crowded room with my doctor, a nurse, and an ultrasound technician. Still, I have never felt so alone in my entire life.
There's no one I can tell. No one to lean on. No one to turn to.
Jett's right—I did that.
The medical staff proceeds with invading my body as they continue with the ultrasound. They're speaking, but I hear nothing other than the buzzing chaos of my thoughts, each one racing through my overcrowded mind.
"Izabel, did you hear me?" Dr. Rey's comforting voice cuts through.
"No," I mutter, not looking toward her, keeping my gaze fixed on the pale yellow wall. Who would choose such a hideous color?
Ugh.Why do I even care?
I'm pregnant—a baby. I'm carrying a life. I'm in no shape to bring a child into this world.
I was never one of those girls who dreamt of being a mom. I never wanted kids, but I also nevernotwanted kids. I honestly didn't have an opinion on it yet, and I always figured I had the time to make that decision.
I guess time's up.
Jett’s words come back to me.
I dreamed of our kids running around on the ranch... I fucking wanted it with you, Beauty. Now, it's become my fucking nightmare that haunts me.
He wanted that with me. Now, it's that same want that haunts him.
"You're about eight weeks along. I do have to say we’ll have to do further testing. There are signs of chromosomal abnormalities." I hear all of Dr. Reys’ words as they pierce my already crumbled heart. My eyes shoot to meet her face, and she shifts uncomfortably on her feet.
"Wh-what... What does that even mean?"
"Well," she clears her throat. "Let me be clear: you are considered extremely high risk at this point. It could mean a multitude of things. The most common, and in your case specifically—"
"Speak English, Doc!" I snap impatiently as every part of my body begins to tremble.
"I can give you more specific details with further extensive testing.” Her eyes soften while she continues to speak. “To be direct, it doesn't look good. You have options, Izabel, and the choice is yours and yours alone."
My heart feels like it has stopped beating, and the world around me freezes.
Nothing else exists.
"We will step out and give you a few moments to get dressed. When I return, we can discuss this further." Dr. Reys gives my hand a firm squeeze before she steps out.
Suddenly, I find myself alone in this room. It's just me and my thoughts now.
I'm pregnant, and it doesn't "look good." I’m in this alone because of my own stubborn choices and fears. I have a best friend who relies on me and truly needs me right now more than ever.
In reality, I have so many people Icouldcall, but the only person I would want here is Jett.
I want to call him back.Fuck.I just need to hear his voice again. I need to have him by my side.
