Page 73 of Never Started
Even so, despite everything I’ve said, despite my better judgment, I slowly find myself falling in love with Maverick. However, it'sdifferent.
It will always be different.
Things with Maverick aren’t slow and steady. Life with Maverick is chaotic and fast-paced. He breathes life into everything we do. His energy is contagious. He accepts only what I'm willing to give and doesn't forcefully push my boundaries. He is trustworthy and reliable.
It sounds like I'm describing a dog. In a sense, I am. He gives off total Golden Retriever energy. It's what makes me most comfortable with him. I don't fear heartbreak when it comes to him. I fear itforhim. I never want to hurt him, and I'm scared, because I know I most likely will.
Hell, it's what I'm good at.
Things with Jett, on the other hand, were cosmic. He set my heart ablaze and pushed every boundary I set in place. He didn't go with the flow; he challenged it. He took a scared girl, afraid of emotions, and made her fall in love. He showed me so much about life and how simply beautiful it could be. The sad part is, I wanted that life with him.
I ruined it all.
I have Maverick now. I should be happy. He's stuck by me when I've given him every reason to run. Literally, I've asked him to leave me alone so many times, and he refuses. He sees something in me that I apparently don't.
I should be happy with that.
I was.
Until Ander came back, and the threat of Jett re-entering my life became a high probability.
Now, here we are. Faced with the very thing I was afraid of.
"Babe, it's going to be fine. Via asked us to come; she apparently needs and wants you there. This is a lot for her."
Yeah, Mav. I'm quite aware.
"Yeah, I know," I say quickly in a clipped tone.
"Why don't you want to go? I thought you were happy that she's back with Bear now."
"For the love of God, stop calling him Bear," I demand. "I am happy that she's back with Ander. I just... Don't want to go."
"Is this because you used to sleep around with his brother?" His face holds no judgment, only concern for me is present there.
My mouth falls open, and I spin around to face him. "What do you mean?"
He shrugs. “I know you mentioned that you guys used to be fuck buddies. Babe, I don't give a shit. It doesn’t bother me."
Ouch.
I doubt he intended his words to sting, but they do.
I've always been the one who pushed Jett and me off as fuck buddies, but hearing someone else talk about what we had in that way, diminishing all that it really was, hurts.
Of course, Maverick thinks of it like that. He doesn’t know anything.
Neither does Jett…
How do I look him in the face after knowing what happened with our baby? After knowing he doesn't have any idea?
How? How do I pretend that I'm over it all…?Over him?
Yes, I have Maverick, and I’ve moved on, but has my heart? Has my heart ever truly let go of Jett? Fuck, I don’t even know the true answer to that question, and it has my head spinning.
"It has nothing to do with him, Mav. I just don't want to go. I will, though. For V."
Dessa, my close friend and coworker who holds a special place in my heart, hops out of Maverick's truck before it fully comes to a stop. The stars in her eyes as she takes in the scenery around us cause knots to form in my stomach, reminding me of all the time I spent here.
