Page 142 of Never Started
Unanswered calls and texts, along with the guilt that weighs my heart down like a boulder, have quickly become the bane of my existence.
I miss her.
That’s no revelation. I feel like I’ve spent more time missing her than having her.
Before walking into my parents' home, I pull out my phone, checking for a response that I know, deep down, won’t be there. It never is, yet I consistently check anyway. The hope I feel is being crushed each time there’s nothing there; it doesn’t even begin to scrape the surface of the punishment I deserve.
“Jettson,” my dad’s loud voice calls out in an annoyed tone as I enter through the threshold.
“Hey, Pops,” I reply, making my way into the living room where all of my family is gathered, and I take a seat on a chair in the far corner.Alone.
I look over everyone with their significant others. My mom and dad have each other. Ander has Via, as well as a baby on the way. Hell, even my younger sister's boyfriend is here and has been adopted into the family.
Then there’s me. Just me. The guy who blew his chance with the woman who lit his life on fire and knows it. The guy who tried to take on the weight of the world and managed to let everyone he loves down. The sole reason a life was taken.Almost her life.
Had Maverick not stepped in and saved her, she’d be gone. He’s the hero of this story, while I’m the villain, just like Izzy said.
I deserve this fate.
I’ll never be able to thank Maverick for doing what I couldn’t. I would’ve laid everything out for her, including my life. It’s nothing without her anyway.
I am nothing without her.
Every moment, every breath, and every dreadful day is only a reminder of what I’ve lost.
My mom thinks I’ve sunk into a depression, whereas I know for a fact I’ve only accepted my reality for what it is.
“Thank you all for agreeing to talk to me––”
“Jett, cut the shit,” Ander says, cutting me off mid-sentence. “You’re family. This was never your burden to carry alone, brother. I mean, hell, this all trickled down from you helping with Liam.” Ander glances at Via at the mention of his name and squeezes her hand before continuing, “None of this is on you, Jett. The only thing that’s on you is that you didn’t come to us sooner. We’re all in this together. We should have alwaysallbeen in this together.”
I nod, not having the words to respond.
Part of me knows he’s right, but the guilt that haunts me doesn’t let me believe it.
Things could have been so different had I spoken up sooner, put my pride aside, and let them help. Yet, I was arrogant. I tried to handle it alone. I’ll never forgive myself for that.
Maverick’s death will always be blood on my hands, and we all know it.
Releasing a sigh, I tap my fingers nervously on my knee before speaking, “What you’re all agreeing to do in order to save me from this shit, I can’t ask of you. It’s everything you’ve all—”
“Jettson, you listen to me,” my mom demands with a curt tone.What the fuck is up with everyone interrupting me today?“Son, this is just a house. Just property.”
“Mom—”
“Don’t ‘mom’ me, not on this. There’s no argument. It’s final. We’re putting the ranch up for sale. You’ve done all you could do; this should never have been on you alone.”
I remain silent for a moment, letting her words and their sacrifice sink in. It guts me. This place is all I’ve ever known, and we’ve all worked so hard to keep this place afloat. To think it’s all for nothing is a lot to accept.
Before I can speak, they all begin to converse amongst themselves about Real Estate Agents and market prices. I decide my words aren’t necessary, so I listen for the better part of an hour.
This is happening.
I know my family is taking it in stride, but the fact that I’ve let them down destroys me.
I’ve letherdown, too. In a way from which there’s no coming back. That’s the part I’m not sure that I can live with.
While they’re all talking about the present and the future, I find myself consumed by thoughts of the night Liam died. Haunted by the past.
