Page 23 of Never Started
Kas lets out a laugh that lacks humor. "Don't bullshit me. I can hear it in your damn voice... You aren't calling to see how I'm doing. What's really up, Jett?"
"Izzy. I know she has her hands full with V, but I'm just—"
"You're just fucking whipped, is what you are. Damn, bro. I never thought I'd see the day you'd be obsessing over just one woman. And for my little sister, of all people. It's pretty fucking weird."
Asshole.
"Fuck off. I just need to know that she's good." My tone comes out harsher than I intended. I know this is weird for him, but referring to Izzy as “some woman” irritates the fuck out of me. She isn't just “some woman”; she is theonly one, especially to me.
"I mean, she's Iz. You know." He lets out a deep chuckle.
"No, Kas. Actually, I don't fucking know. I don't know because she hasn't been answering her damn phone or calling me back. So, please enlighten me. How is she?"
"She's..." He clears his throat awkwardly. "She's right fucking here and needs to woman up and tell you how she's doing herself."
Through the phone, I hear ruffling and arguing in the background, but I can't make out the words. Honestly, I don't even try to. My brain is reeling from her absence and avoidance. I’m frustrated these past few days, my anger that I try so hard to suppress is rearing its ugly fucking head.
I work hard to keep my volatile side at bay, but I can feel the uncontrollable tension building, threatening to explode. I fucking hate it. I hate feeling vulnerable, and I hate that I let her in to have this type of control over my emotions.
I know she loves me, even if she won't speak the words. Her actions show them. I can feel her love.
What I don't know is, if that's enough for me anymore.
Being shut out like this, being ignored, it fuckingkillsme.
I get that she has a lot going on and a lot to process with everything that’s happened to Via. But so do I… with Ander. I understand all of that, butwe’reimportant too. Yet, I'm putting more into this than she's willing to receive or return.
Maybe if I show her I'm serious aboutusand give her the option of choosing me or living a life without me, she'll finally step up and stop running from me. Maybe she’ll finally stop running fromherselfand the feelings she insists on denying.
"Hello?" Her voice comes out soft, timid even. So unlike Izzy.
"I'm glad to know you're alive," I say sarcastically with a scoff. I try to reel in the anger. I want to tell her it's so good to hear her voice, tell her how much I fucking miss her.
Instead, "You know, I've been calling you. I told you how I felt. I don't let anyone in, but I letyouin. What do you do? You get scared, you shut down, and you keep fucking shutting me out. I'm sick of it, Izzy. I don’t want to keep fighting to prove what we can be if you can't even open your goddamn eyes to see what we alreadyare!?" I spew the words so fast that by the end of my tirade, I'm damn near breathless.
"Jett, I told you I couldn't do this. I—" Her voice is still soft.
At the sadness in her tone, I’m tempted to back down, but at this point, I can’t.
"I don't give a damn what you said. Your words have been shit! They’re all lies, anyway!" I shout, spewing my venom. I try to reel back the anger, but there's no going back. It's beyond the point of control. I hate it when I allow myself to get to this level, scaring even myself sometimes.
In the past, it’s been a problem, lashing out to the guys on the ranch, both verbally and physically. But, never has it beena problem with Izzy… Until now. At least, verbally. Never will I fucking lay a hand on her or any woman.
Taking a breath, I continue, "What I’ve cared about is what you've shown me. Not what you told me. And you've shown me someone who is in love with me, but doesn't know how to be and is scared to be. You've shown me that, when you're scared, you run. I thought I could handle that. I thought we could fight and push through that shit, and eventually come out on the other side. The thing is, Izzy, I'm so fucking tired of chasing you and still beingalone."
I can hear her sniffle and immediately feel the guilt course through me. Still, I have more to say. “I’m a patient man, Iz. You know this. But, after everything, after all this time, my patience is finally wearing thin.”
She sniffles again, followed by a quiet sob, and fuck, I've made her cry. Izzy doesn't cry. She never shows any weakness or backs down for anyone.
I wanted her to see the "error of her ways" and make her realize that she doesn't want to lose me, but I'm afraid I just fucked up majorly.
I started a fight. And I know she won't back down. It's who she is—the woman I fell in love with.
Fuck…
Chapter ten
Izzy
