Page 31 of Never Started
Before I can speak, my phone begins to ring on the table. She knows I was expecting a call, but she doesn't know what about, only that it's important. So, without a word, she throws me a quick glance and a subtle nod.
I shoot up from the booth, snatch my phone off the table, and run to the door and step outside on the busy sidewalk. Without looking at the number, I quickly answer.
"H-hello?" I stutter, sniffling and wiping my eyes, answering without looking to see who’s calling.
"You answered." Jett's deep, sultry voice comes through the receiver, and every ounce of my strength dissolves. He pauses, and a short, uncomfortable silence falls between us. "It's ab-about damn time," he slurs.
Is he drunk? It's only noon. Why the hell is he drinking?
"Are you drunk?" I ask softly, too drained for anything else.
"Ha! You pushed me out, ignored my calls and texts for weeks, and now, suddenly, you're concerned about me?"
"Jett—"
"Don't. Maybe I am drunk, but can you fucking blame me? I miss you, and you don't give a shit about me."
"That isn't true."
"The fuck it isn't!" he screams through the receiver. "I need to know... Did you really sleep with other people?" He hiccups. He must bereallydrunk, but it doesn’t hide the pain. It’s even clearer when he chokes out, "Did you?"
"Of course I fucking did, Jett,” I snap. “Sleeping around is what I do, right? That was our agreement. We were never supposed to beanything," I lie. I fucking lie.
Why do I keep up the charade? Why can't I just tell him the truth? Why can't I just tell him I haven't been able to think, look, or even try to be with anyone else since my feelings for him have evolved?
"You hurt me. You fucking hurt me, Iz. I didn't want to fall in love with you." He sniffles, and I can tell that he's crying. My already shattered heart crumbles even more. "I knew you were fucking dangerous. Yet, here I am."
His slurring is getting worse, and my concern is growing every second.
He continues, "You know, after falling for you, I had these recurring dreams of marrying you someday and building a life with you." He scoffs, as if disgusted by his own thoughts. "I dreamed of our kids running around on the ranch, and us chasing after them. I'd wake up smiling. It was everything I never knew I could want. But I did. I fucking wanted it withyou, Beauty. Now, it's become my fucking nightmare that haunts me. It taunts me, reminding me of everything you took from me. Took from us. You did that, Iz.You turned a dream into a nightmarebecause you're too scared of anything fucking real to give a damn about anyone but yourself."
“Jett, I…” My voice trails off, not knowing what to say.
“You,what?”
"I never meant to hurt you," I force out, the words barely a whisper as the tears of honesty fall from my eyes without hesitation.
Before he can speak another word, I hang up, power my phone off, and tuck it away.
I sink down to the cement as the world around me fades to nothing.
In this very moment, I don’t even want to exist.
I’m so. Fucking. Tired.
It’s just then, through my sobs, that I hear a guy's voice call out from above me: “Hey, are you okay?”
Fuck my life.
Chapter fourteen
Maverick
July 2017
Walking down the street, I take in the sight of the cityscape before me, the blazing Louisiana sun high overhead. Born and raised in New Orleans, I’ve always loved the city. My city. Its unique culture, the food, the people, the history—it always spoke to my soul. But, somewhere along the line, that’s changed.I’ve changed.
I find myself feeling more and more lost as the days go on, in need of something different.Something more.
