Page 47 of Never Started
“Well, if you know, then you know this isn’t good for you. I love that you love my sister, but I hate what it’s doing to you.”
“Yeah, I’m just glad she’s okay.”
“What about you?” Kasten asks in that no-bullshit tone he tries to pull from time to time.
“What about me?” I scoff, trying to hide my sudden frustration. I know exactly where he’s trying to take this, and I don’t want to go there.
“Don’t be a smart ass.”
“I’m being serious. What about me, Kas? Am I over her? Never. Am I good? Nah, not really. But am I surviving? Yeah. What more do you want from me?”
He stays silent for a few seconds, then lets out a sigh. “I don’t know, man. More than this, that’s for sure. I want more for my best friend thanthis.”
More.
I want more, too. I wanther,but I’ve accepted our fate. I just can’t seem to let her go.
Maybe it’s time to.
She’s off, living her life. I’m probably not even a thought on her mind anymore. Meanwhile, she still plagues mine.
What the hell am I doing?
I’m allowing myself to be crippled by the memories of what was. Hell, by the memories of whatnever started, because she never allowed us tobe.
“I don’t know, maybe you’re right,” I say, surprising myself.
“Right about what?” Kasten asks, sounding just as surprised as I feel.
“Maybe it’s time I let her go. I mean, it’s been years. I’m holding on to something she never even wanted, and the onlyone suffering seems to be me.” I’m unsure if it’s me who’s speaking or the alcohol still pumping through my veins, but the words feel like poison.
The idea of just giving up and letting go of all I know we’re meant to be... It doesn’t feelright. Necessary, maybe. But right? Never.
Kasten doesn’t speak—just clears his throat. Something about the sound tells me he knows more than he’ll ever say, but I won’t push him. After all, it’s his sister we’re talking about. I’m not trying to put him in some weird position.
“Anyways, thanks for letting me know she’s safe,” I say, ending the call before he can get another word in, and this conversation turns any more awkward than it already is.
Thoughts swarm my mind. Thoughts of how she’s probably moved on by now, and how I honestly should too… Then, there’s the thought of her opening up her heart to someone who isn’t me. That’s the one that stabs me right in the fucking chest.
Who the fuck am I kidding?
I can’t let her go.
I just can’t.
Chapter twenty-one
Izzy
April 2019
"Fuck no, Hannah. I'm not going back out again for a while. My head is still pounding."
"But girl, you made so many tips last night, and you weren’t even on the clock, even with the passing out incident. It was like sympathy tips," she says, feeling way too proud of herself for thinking she said something funny.
"Well, I don't remember a fucking thing, and I don't like it."
"Let me summarize for you: Chris said you threw a drink in some guy's face for ordering you a vodka tonic." She giggles like it's the funniest thing she's ever heard. "Matt played your song, and you put on your typical Thursday-night skit to get tips on your night off. It worked. You fell, but got a shit ton more money for it, and some hot blonde guy, the guy Chris said you threw the drink at, carried you to his car, insisting on driving us home. We had a fucking blast. Now, get dressed."
