Page 98 of Never Started
"Fucking kiss me." The demand leaves my mouth before I can stop it. A second later, her movements halt, and she's pushing my hand away. "Iz—"
"No, don't."
Like it seems to do lately, my frustration spikes, sensing the pending argument. Still, I keep my voice even. "Izzy, youhaven't kissed me, I mean, truly kissed me, in two years. I don't understand.”
“That’s not true, and you know it.”
“It’s mostly true. Sure, you give me a peck every now and then, but it’s just to keep me somewhat happy, right?”
She sighs, frowning. “No, Mav.” She sounds exasperated as she climbs off of me and quickly slips into her clothes before I have the chance to protest.
I sit up, eyeing her. “Believe it or not, Iz, you’ve always been a shit liar. We used to be two steps forward, one step back, and I was okay with that. But now, it's like we've gone completely backwards. You'll fuck me, but you won't kiss me.Again.You admittedone time,in the middle of an argument, that you love me, yet you won't say itagain.Hell, you won't even let me introduce you as my girlfriend, much less admit that you are."
"I am so tired of this fight, Mav."
"It doesn't have to be a fight, baby. You can talk to me. I've known since we first started—since that first time in my truck when you had to be in control—that you had some issues, but—"
"ISSUES!?" she shouts angrily, cutting me off before I can finish.
Fuck.I scrub a hand over my face. "Shit, that was a poor choice of words. I just meant—"
"I heard exactly what you meant, loud and clear," she huffs and storms for the door.
Hurrying off the bed, I pull up my boxers and rush after her. Standing between her and the door, I hold my hands out toward her.
"Iz, come on, baby. I just don't get what's happening. I'm trying to build a life with you, and you're trying to pull away from me. I don't understand any of it." I drop my hands, taking a breath. “Do you even love me anymore? Do you evenwantto be with me?”
Her resolve fades, and it's then, right there, that I see the sadness etched into her features.
"I do love you, Maverick,” she whispers. “I do. It's me. I just don't deserve your love. I've been telling you this.Youwon't listen."
Just like that, my frustration surges past my hold. "What the hell does that even mean, Iz?! You won’t explain it to me! Don’t you thinkI’mthe one who should decide whether you’re deserving ofmylove?! It’s my fucking choice to make!”
Chest heaving, I wait for her answer. Her mouth opens, and my hope grows that she’ll finally fucking let me in. But just as quickly, her lips press into a thin line, jaw clenching.
I wait one more goddamn moment before I let out a sigh. “What do you need from me, Izzy? I've done everything I can think of to fix this with you, and nothing is working. We don't have to move in together if you truly aren't ready, but what I'm not okay with is going backward. So again, what do you fucking need?"
"Space!" she finally shouts. "I need fucking space to work through my thoughts!"
Ouch.
My head shakes in both hurt and disbelief…and anger. I’ve held this in for so long, every emotion is boiling to the surface. "Be fucking for real, Izzy. I have done nothing but respect your space. You didn't want to move fast. I respected that. You needed things to be a certain way. I respected that. You pull away from me while I'm trying to build a life with you. I don't understand it, but okay. You won't let me in or trust me enough to give me the opportunity to understand. Yet, I still try to respect it.”
“Yes, and I appreciate that.”
“Appreciate?” I say, scoffing bitterly. “Glad to know I’mappreciated.”
She scoffs back, splaying her arms. “I told you what to expect from the beginning. You’ve been fine with it until now. What fucking changed?”
“I wantmore,Iz! I don’t want to be fuckingappreciated,I want to be loved. I want to be let in.Iwant to be respected.” Heat pricks the back of my eyes, but I don’t give in. Still, my voice betrays me when I choke out, “I’ve spent years being patient, waiting for you to at least meet me halfway. But I don't know if I can anymore."
She pauses, breathing fast as she looks me over. I can see the surprise in her eyes. I don't typically push when it comes to her. I let her take the lead. She doesn't open up, but I know pain when I see it. She wears it well, but it is undeniably there. I never want to force her to give more than she's capable of. Yet, I'm tired of settling for less than crumbs.
"What does that mean, Mav?" she asks, her tone firm and commanding.
Braving a step closer, I say, "It means you need to decide if you want this with me. I can't just be dragged along if you don't. I know who I fell in love with, and I know when she's hurting. You're struggling, baby, and it kills me that I have no idea why."
"I do want to be with you; it's just—"
