Page 30 of Carry On
“It can’t be—”
“Leave it alone,” he said over me. “I don’t need you to save me.”
I fell silent, listening to the way his words sounded heavier. Without a doubt, he’d pass out again on me.
“I’m so fucking tired, Linc,” he admitted softly. “So fucking tired of it all…”
I said nothing. I really wasn’t sure how to respond. Something about how the words had come out of him set me on edge. Instead, I just kept to myself as I remained in my spot, determined to be there, even if he didn’t want me to.
CHAPTER 23
NASH
Allthemedicationleftme numb. The pain was gone, but I sure as hell didn’t feel anything else either. I just wanted to get out of there and find somewhere to hide until I could handle the world again. The minute Lincoln left me alone to do God only knew what, I took out my IVs because doctors be damned. They’d told me they’d do it, but I was impatient. My legs were lead, stiff and uncomfortable, as I forced myself to get dressed. I had my socks and boots left to put on when a knock on the door made me look up.
It was a courtesy knock, the kind where they were coming in anyway, but they were being polite. The woman who walked through the door was the last person I wanted to see. I scowled deeply as she joined me. I sat on the bed, knowing full well that I wasn’t going anywhere any time soon.
“Oh, I didn’t know you were up,” she said as a greeting. “How are you, Nash?”
I didn’t reply as I just stared at her, hating the fact that I had to talk to her. Dr. Kelly Lowe was one of the hospital psychiatrists and a royal pain in my ass. The woman put more stock in trying to save me than anyone should’ve. It was like she fucking cared or something.
It’s more like she makes money off of you,the voice chimed in.No one cares.
Lincoln cared.
Did he, though?the voice challenged.
Yeah, I was struggling with that one too.
“Nash?” she repeated, her head tilting slightly as she considered me. Fuck. I’d zoned out a little too hard while she was talking to me. “How is your inner monologue doing? Is it still there?”
“It’s always there,” I muttered. The damn thing hadn’t left me alone ever since…
Yeah, I didn’t want to go there.That placewas full of the darkness that I didn’t want to touch ever again—the same things that haunted me mercilessly day in and day out. Some ghosts never left.
“I’m not fucking crazy,” I reminded her.
“I know.” She gave me a small smile. “We talked about this, remember? You’re not delusional or hearing things. That voice is your inner monologue, and it’s a critical reflection of your anxiety and depression.”
“I know,” I said. How many times had she told me this? Every time she saw me, she felt some obnoxious need to point that out to me, like I thought otherwise.
“It’s been a while since I’ve seen you around here,” Dr. Lowe continued. “I was beginning to wonder—”
“I know what the hell you were thinking,” I cut in.
See?the voice interjected.Even she thinks you should be dead.
“It’s just nice to be able to talk to you again, Nash.” She was completely undeterred by my attitude. She always was. Why she tolerated me was beyond me. Most people didn’t. “And it’s nice to see that you have someone here with you. Someone taking care of you. A friend.”
“He’s not my friend.”
“Partner.”
“Not my partner either.” I didn’t know how to explain Lincoln to her, and I didn’t particularly want to. “He’s just someone I knew once.”
She doesn’t believe you,the voice taunted.
Yeah, well, that wasn’t a surprise.
