Page 103 of Carry On
I paused on the sidewalk and glanced up. Nash stood in the window with his hands in his pockets, watching me leave.
Looking up at the closed window, I realized I had a good man waiting for me. A man who cooked me dinner and played the guitar for me while I worked. A man who paid attention to the little things. He wasn’t perfect by a long shot, but neither was I. Any version of a relationship would mean a lot of work, but Nash was worth it.
I wanted him. I wasn’t willing to touch the idea of feelings yet, but I did know that I wanted Nash.
The idea of something real with him was terrifying. It was opening myself up to all the potential for hurt again. That trust was hard to give out again. I wanted to believe that Nash wouldn’t hurt me like that. Not intentionally. I wanted to believe all the little things spoke volumes more than he could say aloud.
But if I wanted to follow through—wanted to be in a relationship with him—I had to move. I had to get out of my own way.
That part, I wasn’t sure I could do.
It kept me rooted in my spot, just watching him until he finally closed the curtain and disappeared.
Yes, I wanted to be with Nash. One small moment of determination was all I needed to make myself move.
CHAPTER 69
NASH
Thekeyinthelock made me turn, my heart kicking up in my chest with anticipation. Was he coming back? Or was this about to be another rejection all over again? I wasn’t sure I could deal with that. Rather, I hadn’t had enough whiskey to deal with that.
Lincoln let himself in without a word and dropped his bag on the ground. He said nothing, and neither did I. I refused to get my hopes up. For all I knew, he’d forgotten something, and his coming back had nothing to do with me.
“I…” The single word was barely audible, but I continued to wait as he visibly wrestled with what he wanted to say.
After a long moment, he muttered something that sounded a lot likefuck itand crossed the room in quick strides. Before I could say a word, his mouth crashed into mine in a kiss that was demanding and breathtaking. His fingers anchored in my hair, and his tongue drove through my lips. I grabbed the sides of his sweatshirt and dragged his body flush to mine, trying to fill the empty space between us.
Again and again, I kissed him. I consumed him. Let him spill into every fiber of my being. His taste, his warmth, his energy. I craved all of him with everything I was.
We were both forces of nature—wild and raging storms full of darkness and uncertainty. But right here, where we collided, the calm took over. We weren’t struggling to find our way. We weren’t struggling to survive.
We simply existed… two broken souls finding solace in one another.
His breath fanned hot across my face as he broke away just enough for both of us to breathe.
“I’m scared,” Lincoln admitted, his voice quiet between fast breaths.
“Yeah, me too,” I replied honestly. I kissed him again, this time softer and with conviction, full of all the things I didn’t know how to put into words.
Lincoln was everything I needed and so much more… and that terrified me. He was the quiet my mind so desperately needed. He chased away the darkness. He was a drug more addictive than anything I’d ever come across, and one I needed more than air.
I wanted to keep him as mine—cherish and protect him. I wanted to soothe all the little worries and fears he had. I wanted to be the reason for his smile and the reason he felt safe.
But the infectious nature of my darkness terrified me. How did I protect him from the very thing I didn’t know how to fight?
Was I selfish for wanting him?
“Are you with me, Lucky?” Lincoln asked, his thumb smoothing over my bottom lip.
“Yeah,” I whispered and kissed the pad of his finger.
“You sure?” Those gorgeous blue eyes pinned me with a stare that I swore could see right through me. I couldn’t hide from this man.
Instead of responding, I kissed him. There were a lot of things I wanted to be doing with him, and talking wasn’t one of them. He matched my fervor, quickly dropping the topic as he caved to his own desire.
Shirts.
Shoes.
