Page 120 of Carry On
Unfortunately, everything good and wonderful about him wasn’t enough to keep the darkness from creeping in. The self-doubt and crippling thoughts ebbed their way to the surface all over again.
What would his life have looked like without me?
Or after you,the voice chimed in.
Making coffee for us couldn’t have been in his life plan.
You weren’t a part of his life plan,the voice reminded me.
I wasn’t. I was an unexpected stain on his routine and structure—on everything he’d built for himself.
“Can I ask you a question?” I said before I could stop myself.
“Always,” Lincoln replied. “You don’t have to ask that.”
“What would you have done if we didn’t get married?” I asked. That question gave him pause, and he stared at me, one brow raising slightly. I just stared right back at him, completely serious. I wanted to know.
He would’ve been happier to start,the voice commented.
“What do you mean?”
“I don’t know.” I shrugged slightly. “What plans did you have for your life?”
“That’s a broad question.” He chuckled as if amused. When I didn’t join him, he sobered. “I like my job. I’m good at my job. My goal has always been to work my way up to partner in my firm. Outside of that… well, work has always been the first thing in my life.”
Understandable.
“Did you want to get married again?” I asked.
“Honestly,” Lincoln blew out a sharp breath, “no.”
He never wanted to marry you,the voice said.
This was a marriage of convenience. I reminded myself of that fact over and over while the voice rambled on about how detrimental my existence was to Lincoln’s life.
Crossing the room, Lincoln leaned over and pressed his lips to mine. For a brief moment, the world stilled as I kissed him back slowly.
“Whatever’s worrying you, Lucky, it’ll be okay,” he assured me.
It won’t be,the voice countered.
“Are you happy, Lincoln?” I whispered.
“With you?” Those blue eyes searched mine. It was painful to admit just how much I doubted that he could be happy with me and my mess.
He’s not,the voice agreed.
“You know what? It’s dumb,” I said instead. There was no point in having this conversation. I stood with every intention of walking away, but Lincoln dragged me right back. His fingers threaded through my hair as he made me look at him.
“What’s going on, Nash?” Lincoln asked.
“Nothing.” It wasn’t worth getting into.
He doesn’t care, the voice chimed in.
I shut my eyes and tried to push it back, but the throbbing of my head wasn’t helping any.
“Just a headache,” I admitted and hoped that would make him retreat. His lips brushed my temple in a gesture that was far too tender for what I deserved. It settled uncomfortably in my chest.
