Page 170 of Remorseless
“He said he didn’t sleep with Torie. The bitch I hate more than anyone else. More than Diana, Nyx, or Gail combined. She humiliated me, got Daddy’s attention, and almost broke Momma when she was at her most vulnerable. I want to spit on her fucking body pieces. If I ever find out Diesel slept with her, I willneverfucking forgive him. I’d prefer towatchhim fuck every woman he meets than toimaginehim with Torie.”
CJ sighed. “Rebel, fuck, if you want that motherfucker when you’re twenty-one, you’re going to have to take him warts and all.”
“Twenty-one? I’m legal at eighteen.”
“That’s forty months away. Not enough time to unfuck him. Besides, you need to experience life. You’re so fucking sheltered.”
“You said you would ride with us and convince Momma and Daddy that any relationship I had with Diesel was good.” At least that’s what she thought CJ meant. “Do you like the idea of us together or not?”
“I hate the fucking idea, sweetheart. He’s almost fifteen years older than you—”
“Daddy—”
CJ raised his hand to silence her. “Dad wasn’t a drug addict and hewantedto change. Whatever else our grandfather was, he made Dad the man he is. Diesel is the star attraction at the biggest goddamn pity partyever. He’s ruining himself because of what his parents did. I can’t relate. I know that, so I don’t understand why he can’t overcome their betrayal, especially his mother’s. Maybe, it’s callous to expect him to brush that pain aside and look at his life differently. Whatisinstead of whatcould’vebeen.”
“What are you saying?” she whispered, though she knew.
Diesel might have been scarred, but he made no effort to be a better person.
“You know.” Accusation tinged CJ’s words. “You aren’t stupid.”
Her shoulders slumped. “If I don’t have your support, all hope is lost. Diesel would die.”
“Dieselshoulddie for fucking with you and putting you in Rule’s crosshairs. I love Diesel. Once, I admired his prowess on the football field and his determination to obtain his law degree, but he started to change when he went away to school. Since his marriage to Tabitha, the motherfucker has gone completely off his goddamn rocker.”
But watching her sleep afforded him peace. If she could calm him,helphim, in any way, she would. And she wouldn’t wait six years and four months. She’d do her best to hold off forthree years and four months. No promises, though.
“You can’t sacrifice yourself for that motherfucker,” CJ growled, reading her expression. “Diesel has to want to fucking change. Currently, he doesn’t.You’restaying away from him.”
“You can’t stop me.”
“I can’t but Dad can,” CJ snapped. “Diesel’s our brother. What the fuck is wrong with you? Sweet Home Alabamaing around this motherfucker.”
Rebel broke out into peals of laughter. “That song is not just about kissing cousins, jackass. Among other things, it’s a political commentary about a man who needs the simplicity and refuge of his beautiful state.”
“I’m not interested in debating the interpretation of it. It’s one of Uncle Johnnie’s favorite songs. He loves country music. It was the first one that came to mind to make my point.”
“You’re reaching if you’re usingUncle Johnnieto make a point.”
“You know exactly what I’m saying. You can’t sit there and tell me to get over the Wicked Witch of the Pacific Northwest and she isn’t related to us, when you’re fucking scheming to get with Diesel before he’s Rebel-worthy and before you have a chance to really know if that’s who you want. You haven’t even kissed a motherfucker.”
“Whose fucking fault is that? You scared all the boys away.” She thought about Kaia. “On second thought, leave Kaia where the fuck he’s at. He won’t kiss me either. Diesel’s willing to.”
“Yeah, because he wants to fucking die,” CJ said viciously.
“He doesn’t want to do it now, dummy!” she yelled. “When I’m sixteen. On my birthday, which is after Prom, when I’ve heard that’s a maidenhead farm.”
“Jesus fucking Christ! Rebel, listen to me. Diesel is a fucking out of control locomotive. You want tocrash and burn in that trainwreck where there will be no prisoners and no survivors, you’re doing it on your fucking own. Otherwise, you’re waiting until you’re twenty-one and have some life experience. You’re waiting until that motherfucker straightens up. You’re waiting until your fucking brain’s a little more developed.”
“That doesn’t truly happen until twenty-five,” she chirped.
CJ glared at her.
“I’m just counteringyourpoint,” she said sweetly.
“Rebel, ask yourself if you want to piss your emotions away on a man who fucks everything he sees; on a man who has more than one addiction; on a man who is well-versed in torture; on a man who fucking dislikes women; on an insecure jackass who doesn’t realize how much we love him; on a man who won’t give you love because he can’t fucking accept it because of those two motherfuckers who brought him into the world—”
“He has some good qualities,” she said defensively.
