Page 45 of The Storms Between Us
thirty-seven
The next morning,I wake with a sense of fear and panic flooding my system. I pull myself from the nightmares that have plagued my sleep recently and I see all is as it has been around me. The monitors beep rhythmically, bringing me comfort. At least I know Elijah is still okay.
Each nightmare ends the same. The paramedics don’t get there in time. I’m holding Elijah’s lifeless body in my arms and I always wake up with an ache in my chest that feels like I died right next to him. I stand and stretch, rolling my neck and trying to get some circulation back into my aching limbs. If this goes on much longer, I’m going to have to ask for an extra bed or something because this chair just isn’t cutting it. I go through my morning routine of brushing my teeth and hair, then walk over to Elijah’s bedside to kiss his forehead. As I press my lips to his skin, I hear a small moan escape his lips and I gasp. That’s the first noise I’ve heard from him in a week.
“Elijah? Honey?” I whisper softly, trying not to startle him. I reach out to hold his hand in mine and he gives mine a small squeeze. Happy tears roll down my face before I realize it. That tiny gesture brings me so much joy I can’t even breathe. “I’m here, Eli. I’m here.” I tell him, squeezing his hand back hard. I push the button to call the nurse into the room.
“Sunshine?” His voice is coarse and breathy. It’s barely loud enough for me to hear, but I do. It’s the best thing I've ever heard. My head falls onto the side of his arm as my laughter and tears mix together, knowing he’s finally made it back to me.
“Yeah, baby, I’m here,” I whisper.
“You’re okay?” he asks.
“Yeah, I'm okay. Everybody’s okay,” I say.
“The baby?” his eyes still closed and his expression pained.
“The baby is just fine. We’re both okay,” I say, laying my hand against his cheek, bring my face down to his. Finally, his eyes flutter open and I see that crystal blue oasis I've been dying to fall into for days. I kiss him softly, careful not to touch his neck.
“Well, you sure know how to make things all about you, don’t you, asshole?” I hear my brother’s voice coming from the doorway and I look up to see him standing there with Kelsea in a wheelchair in front of him. Elijah chuckles and attempts to sit up, but winces in pain. I grab him by his shoulder and upper arm and help him into a comfortable position with a scowl.
“Don’t even start, you two. He just got shot, Everett!” I scold them both and they just smile.
“I’m glad to finally see you showing signs of life, brother,” Everett says.
“Yeah, I feel like I got hit by a fucking truck. Or a bullet.” Eli says, and I roll my eyes.
“Well, it looks like we’re having quite the party in here,” the nurse says as she squeezes into the room between Kelsea and Everett. I watch intently as Everett checks her out, but quickly looks away. Kelsea watches him with furrowed brows. I feel like I'm missing something there, but I’m sure I’ll get it out of her, eventually.
The next few hours are filled with doctors and nurses coming and going. They poke and prod at Elijah until they’re satisfied he’s okay. Finally, the doctor tells him we can go home tomorrow as long as all his tests come back in normal range. At some point in the afternoon, Rory and Amelia show up and we all work out a schedule for getting things done once we leave. Even though Elijah insists he’ll be fine, I know he won’t be able to do a lot for a few weeks, so I’ll be glad to have some extra help.
Later that evening, after things have calmed down, I step outside Eli’s room while he catches up with my brother. I make it down the narrow hall and barely around the corner before I break. The false smile I've been holding together for days falls and the weight of reality finally sets in. I could have lost him. I could have lost the one man who has shown me how deeply I can love. I push my back against the wall and slide down to the floor until I'm sitting, my arms draped over my knees. Tears flood my eyes as every emotion hits me at once. Fear, anger, desperation, gratitude, love — it's all too much. I sob quietly into my hands, knowing I look like a total basket case to anyone passing by. I’m so grateful to know he’s safe now, but knowing how close we came to losing each other is a kind of fear I never want to feel again in my life.
I feel a presence next to me, but I don’t lift my head. I can’t turn my tears off that easily, so whoever it is will have to deal with it. I feel a warm, comforting arm wrap around my shoulder and immediately recognize the smell of Amelia’s perfume. She says nothing, just rubs my shoulder silently, letting me cry until there’s nothing left. I reach my hand up to cover hers and we both breathe deeply.
“He’s lucky to have found you, my dear,” she says quietly.
“I’m the lucky one,” I say with a smile. “He’s unlike anyone I've ever known. He’s so strong and confident, but also kind and generous. I never dreamed I would find a man like him.”
“Makes a mama feel good to hear those things. At least I know I did something right raising him,” she says, nudging my shoulder. “You’ll feel the same one day when your child meets their match. You’re perfect for him in every way, Ember. His other half.” She speaks so surely. I can see where Elijah learned his confidence.
“You don’t know how much it means to me to hear you say that, Amelia,” I breathe. “I love him so much it scares me sometimes.”
“Thats how you know it's true, honey. It wouldn’t be real if it wasn’t scary sometimes,” she says with a knowing smile. “And you might as well start callin’ me mama, sweet girl. Won’t be long until it's official anyway, I'm sure.” Tears well up in my eyes for a whole new reason this time. Damn. That doctor really wasn’t joking about those pregnancy hormones. “Can I ask you something, Em?” she asks me.
“Of course, anything,” I reply.
“Your parents…” she trails off as I drop my gaze to the floor. “If it's a sore subject, dear, we don’t have to talk about it,” she says, patting my hand lightly.
“They’re not bad people. They weren’t abusive or neglectful. Everett and I never wanted for anything, to be honest.” I push my hair back behind my ears and lean my head back against the wall. “They just didn’t care for us like parents should. I think when you have children, you should cherish them. You’ve been given this incredible gift and you should be thankful for that.” I place my hand over my belly, rubbing soft circles and smiling. “I already can’t wait to see this baby. A parent is supposed to teach their child all these amazing things and I’m so excited. I’ve always thought my parents had children because they believed that’s what was expected of them. They both came from wealthy families, and building a legacy was more important than creating an actual family. By the time Ev and I were in middle school, we were all more like roommates than family. I always promised myself that if I ever had a child, they would never have to wonder if I loved them. This baby will never doubt that,” I say with a smile.
She sits silently for a few moments, just absorbing everything I shared with her. “Well, I’m sad for them. They missed out on knowing a truly incredible young woman, Ember. I pray they realize that and make amends before they miss out on a whole new generation,” she says, gesturing towards my belly. “But I also hope you know you aren’t alone now. My kids may be knuckleheads, but I think I did a decent job of raising them.” Her eyes shine with pride as she speaks about her children, and I long for that feeling. “I want you to feel comfortable knowing I'm only a phone call or a short drive away if you need any help. Motherhood is a marathon, my love, not a sprint. So don’t expect to master it as soon as this little one arrives. You’ll just set yourself up for failure. Motherhood is supposed to be messy and confusing and scary, but also so incredibly rewarding and fulfilling. Watching my children share their happiness with me and succeed in their lives brings me some of the greatest joy I've ever known. You’re a strong and capable woman, Ember. You will be an incredible mother. Just remember, we are not who we come from, but who we choose to be.” She says, and I realize she's right. I don’t have to be like my mother and her mother before her if I don’t want to be. I can decide to be whatever kind of mother I want to be.
“And I suppose that brother of yours isn’t half bad either,” she smirks, and I laugh wholeheartedly at that.
“Yeah, he's okay. I guess I’ll keep him around for now,” I say, standing and brushing my hands off on my pants. I help Amelia to her feet and we walk back towards Elijah’s room together.
