Page 15 of Tell Me No
So instead of turning her away, I lead her to my car, holding the door open so she can slide in. A wicked smile crosses her lips as she slips onto the leather bench seat, scooting as close to me as the stick shift will allow. Before I can tell my brain this is a bad idea, I take off into the night, racing the devil on my shoulder back to my house.
ten
AmI really gonna go through with this? I know I want to. I don’t think I’ve ever wanted something so badly before in my life. But I haven’t let another person touch me in three years. I closed off every easy road leading to me, built my walls up so high no one would ever willingly work to climb them. But for some reason, the moment I met Jason, I felt a sense of calm wash over me unlike anything I’ve ever felt. Like I could actually reveal my secrets to him, and he’d protect them as if they were his own.
We’re both silent all the way to his house, both contemplating our own concerns. I know he’s hung up on my age, maybe on the fact that I’m Elijah’s sister, too. Neither of those things matter to me. The only thing that scares me now is the idea that I may finally reveal my demons to someone.
What if he runs for the hills? I wouldn’t blame him. We pull down the driveway and go straight into the garage. Jason shuts off the engine as the garage door slides shut behind us. I can feel his eyes on me, but he doesn’t say a word.
“We going inside? Or do you want me to take you home, princess? It’s your choice,” he says, not knowing how badly I needed to hear that.
I slide out the passenger side door and walk to the door that leads inside. Placing my palm on the security panel there, I smile when the door clicks and swings open. “Still got the keys to the kingdom,” I laugh and I hear him scoff behind me.
“Lucky woman. Very few people do,” he says, his husky voice making goosebumps sprout across my skin.
I drop my bag on the table in his dining room, sliding my hands into my back pockets as the anxiety I’ve been trying to push down slowly rises in my gut. I don’t want to feel this way, so fragile and unsure. Especially not in front of Jason. Taking a deep breath, I look anywhere but his face, even though I can feel him staring at me.
“Hey, come here,” he says, snagging my wrist and pulling me into the living room. I follow willingly, kicking off my shoes and plopping down on his comfy black couch. “Whats going on in this beautiful mind, Aurora? Nothing has to happen here. I don’t want you to feel like I’m…”
“No. I don’t-don’t feel that way. I know you would never hurt me or pressure me into something I didn’t want, Jason,” I say, placing my palm against the side of his face.
“So fucking weak when it comes to you.” He closes his eyes, leaning into my touch. He whispers, almost low enough that I can’t hear him, but I do.
“Trust me, the feeling is mutual.” He gives me a small smile and I melt into him a little more. I cold fall so hard and so fast for this man. That thought terrifies me.
“I’m here, Aurora. You can talk to me, or not, but I am here for you,” he says. It’s nothing different from the things my therapist has said in the past, but for some reason, I believe him more than I’ve ever believed anyone else before.
“I don’t want you to think I don’t want this, don’t want you. Because I do. God, trust me, I fucking want you,” I say, a little more enthusiastically than I intend to, and he laughs softly.
“Well, I’m glad we’re on the same page there. I don’t think I’ve ever craved anything as much as I need you. And I know I have no right to need you. To crave you like fucking oxygen, but I do. When your lips touch mine, it’s like you were fucking made for me. I’m not a good man. I’ll tell you straight up, Aurora. There's a lot of blood on my hands. The work I do, the man I am, it isn’t clean. But I can tell you I’ve never hurt an innocent. And I’d rather die than ever hurt you.” He speaks with such certainty, laying himself bare for me, letting me make the choice to take him or leave him.
“Jason, I know what kind of man you are. I always have. You have a Glock in your pantry next to the granola. But you won’t scare me away that easily,” I smirk back at him. “And you’re wrong.”
His brows draw together, a questioning look on his face. “Wrong about what?”
“Youarea good man, Jason Negan. I know that like I know my own name,” I tell him.
“As long as you think so, that’s all I need,” he replies, pulling me into his lap until I’m laying with my back against his chest. He leans back, pulling me with him until we’re lying, intertwined with each other, across the couch. His fingers brush through my hair soothingly, and I lean into his touch. “There isn’t anything you could ever tell me that would change these feelings we have, Aurora. Nothing that would ever make me let go of you now that I know what it feels like to hold you this way.”
“You promise?” I whisper, knowing I could be setting myself up for a massive letdown.
“Aurora, I promise there is nothing you can tell me that would change the way I feel for you. You could reveal the darkest, inky-black soul, and I’ll still kiss you when you wake up in my arms tomorrow morning,” he says, and a single tear rolls down my cheek, because I know he’s telling me the truth. I take a deep breath, preparing myself for whatever the fallout will be after this conversation is over. I don’t think I could handle losing him, but god knows I’ve lived through far worse.
“I used to be a beautiful dancer,” I say with a sigh, forcing myself back to the darkest time of my life.
“You still are a beautiful dancer, baby,” he whispers into my hair, kissing my head softly and I smile. This man who strikes fear into almost every person he meets just called me baby. I kind of love it.
“Thank you, but I used to be much better. When I was seventeen, I was so ready to leave home. I was accepted into the Performing Arts program at LSU, and I planned on owning my own studio some day, teaching young kids like me to dance their hearts out on stage,” I close my eyes and remember how full my heart felt every time I stepped on stage.
“I could see you doing that. Your souls shines through every time you dance,” he says, and it warms my heart to know he sees everything I try to hide. It should scare me, but I’m tired. Tired of holding on to all this pain, tired of poisoning myself by bottling up these memories.
“I would have been amazing, I know it. I had a boyfriend back then. His name was Erik. Elijah hated him but things were okay when we first met. He was just the type to treat me one way when we were alone and then turn around and demean me in front of his friends, like I was a joke. But he was my first serious boyfriend, and I stupidly thought I loved him. By the time we graduated high school, we had been together for over a year and he was constantly begging me to…” my voice trails off, and I wonder if I really want to tell him all the sordid details.
“Go on, Aurora. As much as I’d like to kill every other man who’s had the privilege of touching this perfect body, I can control myself,” he says, totally unaware of the depths of the confession on the tip of my tongue.
I scoff, thinking he’ll probably feel differently by the time I’m done here, but I go on. “Let’s just say I wasn’t giving it up as quickly as he wanted me to. On my eighteenth birthday, he made a big deal about planning something special for me. I was excited, since he’d never been the type to do anything like that before. But when we got to his place, it was just a bunch of his friends. I was so pissed at him for ruining my birthday. I should have just left, honestly. But instead, I decided to drown my disappointment in vodka. So fucking stupid.” I have to stop, taking a second to ground myself to keep from spiraling into the memories that haunt my dreams so frequently.
“Take your time, Aurora. We’ve got nothing but time,” he says, pulling me a little tighter against his chest. I do my best to draw strength from him, knowing I’m going to need it to finish this conversation.
