Page 37 of Maddox
I know avoiding thinking about him doesn’t solve the problem, but I don’t know how to ease the anxiety constantly building in my lungs.
Thankfully, when we pull into the trees before the track, I escape my thoughts as Draven parks.
Before I breach the trees into the clearing though, I wipe my eyes. Unfortunately, I can’t erase the weight that presses at my chest and I wish that I had decided to stay home after all.
The acrid scent of car exhaust and campfire smoke assaults my nostrils bringing me sharply back to the present and I do my best to shove my grief away as a shadow forms over my head and Josh says, “Hey.”
Although I’m grateful to see a friendly face, there’s a part of me still sitting back in that car wishing I could change the past.
Josh doesn’t understand this part of my life though and after years of pretending, it’s easier to pull up the façade I’ve perfected.
“Hey,” I say, relieved when his puzzled frown fades.
Now is not the time to fall apart but I suspect if he asked me about it, I might do just that.
The roar of the engines vibrates in my tummy, and I smile gratefully when he says, “You’re just in time for the race.”
I definitely need a distraction and follow when he pushes his way through the crowd, pressing his hand against my back before gently pushing me to the front.
This time my heart is not in it though, and I can barely track the cars as they battle it out before me.
Thankfully, Josh is immune and shouts over the roaring engines, “My money’s on the Z.”
“Yeah?” I say and he waggles his brows.
Smiling, I shake my head only to fight back a kernel of unease when his hand flexes against my back.
My stomach drops though when he looks away after I slowly step to the side and with a frown I say, “I’m s–”
“No worries,” he says although I see the furrow between his brows.
Mentally groaning, I turn back to the race, but I can’t concentrate on anything but the dull ache in my chest. This is why I avoid opening that door because grief is insidious and doesn’t care where I am.
It’s only once I notice that the sound has died down that I look up and find Josh watching me with a peculiar expression.
As soon as our eyes meet, he says, “C’mon.”
I follow behind him slowly as I raise my gaze to the sky. Despite the lights from the cars and a few fires spread out to keep everyone warm, they shine brilliantly.
As soon as I’m back by the fire, Josh maneuvers between a couple making out to grab two beers from a cooler by their feet.
When he turns to me with a grimace, I chuckle before pointing at the circle of people dancing beyond the fire, searching for something to say.
“You dance?” I ask.
“Uh no,” he says, following my fingers.
Tired of my thoughts and hoping to salvage the evening, I shake away the tingle in my chest and say with a fake pout, “Too bad.”
His cheeky grin lights up his face as he grabs my shoulder, and says, “I’ll dance with you on our first real date?”
Although I’m charmed, I know I can’t take this further and I pat his fingers, only to freeze when the deep, smooth voice of none other than Maddox says behind us, “First? Real? Dude, you ain’t doing it right if you’re still speaking in future tense.”
A shiver rolls down my spine when Josh turns to Maddox with a wide grin that doesn’t reach his eyes, and I mentally wince as he says, “I need another drink.”
It would seem that despite being related, these two aren’t close. Although I’m grateful for the interference because I don’t have to let Josh down, I’m uneasy as I turn back to Maddox.
Eyeing the tic in his jaw, I’m reminded of the night he kicked me out of the party. Gone is the silly smirk and when those granite eyes drop to mine, I stifle a gasp.
