Page 106 of Finding Denver
“We can all watch out for Wilder.” He squeezes my shoulder, and I meet his eye. “Your heart hasn’t been in this for a while, kid. No one would blame you for leaving.”
He’s right. Ronan and Finn could keep my brother in line.
But that wouldn’t change how much I’d miss Holly. Just like Denver can’t stay, I can’t leave. No matter how much I want her, my family is here. My life is here.
I told Ranger she deserves to be happy, and she does.
She’ll be happier with a fresh start.
He finishes his drink. “And we both know why Ranger calls her little bird. Maybe there’s some fate at work, too.”
My smile is brittle. “I didn’t think you believed in that.”
“I believe in anything that leads a man to good choices.”
Chapter 28
Denver
Eight days. That’s how long I have left. I’ll be in Australia before Christmas Day.
It’s for the best. It feels strange to be leaving without seeing my home one last time. I can’t even arrange for my businesses to be taken over because it could tip off Ranger that I’m leaving. Colt says he’ll take care of everything until it’s safe enough for me to sell, so all I have to do now is enjoy my time.
How am I supposed to do that when my soul feels broken, and the only way to fix it is to stay right where I am?
I know myself. I know I could never look Wilder in the eyes and feel peace. Holding onto the hate might kill me, but instead of letting it go, I’m leaving it behind. It’s the best I can do for now.
God, I wish I were stronger.
I stare at the ceiling, thoughts and possibilities and wishes loud and unavoidable as they zip across my brain. I need to call Axel the moment my papers are completed andlet him know I’ll be at his wedding. I’ll be able to have s’mores and share make-believe futures with him again.
So, why am I not more excited?
Whatever Colt and I have can’t continue. Every day, hour, minute,secondI spend with him only makes this harder, because the longer I’m with him, the more he heals me. The breaks left behind by Ranger’s actions are being slowly sewn together by Colt, and I have to leave before I become addicted to this feeling of … rightness I have around him.
This feeling of being totally complete.
Finn and Helena took the news well. Holly will likely be upset. Ronan and Taf will likely claim I’m abandoning them, even if they do it in jest. They’re all my reasons to stay.
But the first, the best, the biggest reason I should forget my hate for Wilder is Colt.
My past is a shadow of what my future could be with him.
But then what?
I stay. Ranger finds out. All hell breaks loose.
It’s one thing for me to leave him, even to divorce him, but to do it for another man is asking for bloodshed. He will never, ever let this go. He’d kill Colt. Finn too, because there’s no way Finn wouldn’t defend his only son. It’s best for everyone if I just leave.
I kick the covers off, my skin hot. I run my hand over the jersey I found in the back of the closet, the material soft and well worn. It has HARLAND across the back. I haven’t told Colt I wear his old hockey jersey. Maybe it’s odd, but I like having him close.
The clock says it’s close to 1 a.m. I need sleep because tonight is family dinner and I want to be on my game. I’mmeeting Ronan’s sister Danielle and his half-sister, Alison, and I really want them to like me.
I exhale deeply. Maybe I could have a hot chocolate. Warm milk. Anything to calm my buzzing brain.
Wesson huffs at me as I get out of bed, and he follows me into the hall, nudging Lewis’s door open with his nose and disappearing inside. He’s clearly sick of my tossing and turning, but my God, we’ve been separated for months. Where’s the loyalty?
I creep down the hall in my socked feet and go downstairs to the kitchen. I make some warm milk, and when I’ve finished it, I go to the sink to wash the saucepan and glass. As I wait for the water to warm, I imagine my own make-believe future—where I can stay.
