Page 75 of Finding Denver
“Denver, you’re a lot of things, but weak isn’t one of them.”
“I am when it comes to him.”
Something dark and twisted unfurls in my chest again. Must be fucking heartburn. “Well, it isn’t like you don’t love him, so I get that.”
“It … it isn’t love.” She pauses. “I mean, it isn’tjustlove. It’s …” She shakes her head and refocuses on her hands. “It doesn’t matter.”
I can almost see the words climbing around her mind, a string of sentences dying to be let free, but she has nowhere safe to place them. I’m likely the last person she would divulge the darkest parts of her marriage to, but I can at least let her know she can.
“Have you ever heard ofsub rosa?” I ask.
She meets my eye. “Yeah. It means ‘under the rose.’”
“Do you know what it means in our world?”
“A vow of silence. Of secrecy.” She tilts her head. “If two members of rival families met undersub rosa, you never speak of it. And the one who did is punished. Killed.”
It’s something I learned about years ago. Two words to explain something so powerful. When Finn would disappear for days and I’d ask where he was, Helena would simply give me a weak smile and say, “Sub rosa.”
That meant she didn’t know, or she couldn’t speak of it, and when Finn returned, we’d act as if he hadn’t been gone. I’ve met with plenty of familiessub rosato build bridges burned long before I was even born. I’ve never spoken of it, have been tortured in attempts to get me to speak, and I have the scars to prove my silence.
“Sub rosahas been broken a handful of times,” I go on to say. “One of the most significant times was when your grandfather did it.”
Her lips part slightly. “When?”
“Your father met with your grandfather, Ryan Gallagher, your mom’s father,sub rosato discuss marrying your mom. Your grandfather refused to let the marriage go ahead, and said Nico had to swear to leave Cara alone, walk away, and never go near her again. Your father, apparently, agreed.” I don’t miss the wideness of her eyes. More stories about her parents she doesn’t know. “The only people in that room were Nico and your grandfather. Nico said he never agreed to let your mother go; Ryan said it was the only reason they both left the meeting alive. Regardless, your father took your mother anyway and went to San Francisco.” Finn has told me the stories, of how he woke to panicked messages from Cara saying they were leaving and didn’t have time to say goodbye. “As a result, Ryan Gallagher killed every DeLuca still in the city.”
Denver pulls in a small breath. “But … they didn’t do anything.”
“No, but it isolated Nico. Your grandfather brokesub rosato tell everyone about the meeting, and he insisted that Nico fled like a coward, allowing his family to be slaughtered. It’s one of the reasons your dad never came back to the city. Well … except once.”
To get Ranger.
Finn had told Nico about Ranger’s existence, about how a young Ranger was making money by fighting and killing, and had a newborn, too. Nico came back here to save Ranger from himself.
Denver doesn’t say anything, likely understanding what I’m referring to.
“Why are you telling me this?”
“So you can understand the important ofsub rosa. That was the last time it was broken. And I think we should class this assub rosa,” I say, gesturing between us. “What’s said tonight doesn’t leave this room.”
You’re in a safe space.
Denver swallows. “That could all be bullshit.”
I smile. “It could. So, that’s why I’ll tell you something I’ve never told anyone.”
“Running over more gangsters?”
“No,” I laugh. “A little more extreme.” I’m surprised to find my breath shakes a little as I form the words in my mouth. I’m also very surprised that I’d even dare say this out loud, given the repercussions if Denver tells anyone.Sub rosameans everything, but maybe to her it doesn’t. “Finn is my dad.”
Her lips part, and she blinks twice as fast as she did when she pepper-sprayed herself. Silence stretches and she looks away, her face twisting into an amalgamation of disbelief, shock and confusion.
“How … how do you know?”
“I overheard my mom talking to Helena. The first time I went to Helena’s house, she stared at me. And I mean really stared at me.” I remember the day, how she’d opened the door and clearly knew who I was. Helena would have taken any kid in and cleaned them up, but she made a point of driving me home. My mom had paled when she’d opened the door to us, but Helena stayed, and they talked for hours. I heard them crying at one point, and then Helena said it.Don’t you think enough time has passed? Let Finn be in his life. I tell Denver this. “And Finn loves all of us, but he pays particular attention to me. Worries about me. And Wilder looks like our dad, but I don’t.”
She turns her body to face me. “Do you think your dad knew?”
