Page 64 of Knot So Sweet
I push off from the desk and start pacing again. "It's not her fault that people are idiots. Violet's article was beautiful. Some people just read 'authentic mountain experience' and translate it to 'exotic photo opportunity.'"
"Maybe she should write a follow-up piece explaining that these are real businesses, not theme park attractions." Mary spins in her chair to follow my movement.
I stop and point at her. "That's not a bad idea."
The phone rings again. We both freeze and stare at it with the dread usually reserved for natural disasters.
"Rock, paper, scissors?" I suggest, walking back to the desk.
"Best two out of three."
Mary wins, which means I have to answer. I grab the phone with resignation.
"Mairi Veterinary Services, this is Dr. Mairi."
"Hi! I was wondering if you could provide a 'wilderness veterinary experience' in an actual wilderness setting?"
My patience finally snaps. I stand abruptly, nearly knocking over the chair. “No. A wilderness setting would be dangerous for everyone involved.”
"But it would look so authentic! I'm willing to pay extra."
"I don't care." I grip the phone tighter. "Ma'am, I'm hanging up now." I slam the phone down and whirl to face Mary. "That's it. We're making an official policy."
Mary perks up in her chair. "What kind of policy?"
I start pacing behind the counter, gesturing as I think out loud. "The 'We Are Not A Tourist Attraction' policy. I'll write it up and post it on the website."
I stop and start dictating while Mary types:
"Mairi Veterinary Services is a professional animal hospital dedicated to providing excellent medical care. We are not a tourist attraction, photo studio, or entertainment venue. We do not stage medical procedures for social media content, provide fake treatments for healthy animals, or participate in 'authentic experience' roleplaying. If your animal needs medical attention, we're here to help. If you're looking for Instagram content, please look elsewhere."
"Perfect," Mary says, her fingers flying over the keyboard. "Direct, professional, and absolutely clear."
I lean over her shoulder to read the screen. "And if people still don't get it, we'll start charging a consultation fee for answering stupid questions."
By closing time, Mary's tally sheet has twenty-three marks, and her FAQ has expanded to include questions I never imagined anyone would ask.
As Mary gathers her things and locks up, I appear from the back room with two cups of coffee from the kitchen.
"Peace offering," I say, extending one to her. "For surviving your first week as Cedar Ridge's most unwilling tourist information center."
Mary accepts the coffee and takes a grateful sip as we walk toward the front door. "I still can't believe this is what supporting local businesses has become."
I hold the door open for her, then follow her outside into the late afternoon air. "It's not Violet's fault that some people don't understand the difference between authentic and performative."
"She should probably warn Garrick about what's coming." Mary stops walking and turns to face me. "If today was any indication, the bakery's going to get hit with even weirder requests."
I grin at the thought, taking a sip of my coffee. "Garrick can handle weird. He's had plenty of practice with difficult customers."
"Not this kind of difficult." Mary shakes her head and starts walking again. "These people are living in fantasy where local businesses exist solely for their entertainment."
"Then they're about to get a very educational encounter with Garrick's customer service philosophy."
Mary laughs at that, and I can practically see her imagining Garrick's reaction to someone asking him to stage a "rustic bread-making experience" for YouTube.
"You know what?" Mary stops abruptly and pulls out her phone. "Violet needs to write that follow-up article sooner rather than later."
"What's she going to call it?" I ask, pausing beside her.
