Page 69 of Cut up
I wake up in Lucas’s bed feeling so refreshed. I feel like I won the jackpot.
I was thoroughly fucked, thoroughly washed then napped like a champ.
I look to his bedside table, it’s 1 p.m., I slept for two hours. Whoops. But honestly? Worth it.
Now I’m starving. I roll out of his too-comfy bed and wander into the kitchen.
The smell of food hits me instantly—cheesy, garlicky heaven.
Lucas is sitting at the kitchen bar, reading over paperwork. He hears me walk in and turns to face me.
“Hey, sleepyhead,” he says, smiling. “I made some pasta bake. It’s cooling on the bench if you want some. Figured you’d be hungry.”
Seriously, this man. A home-cooked feed after he ruined me? Yes, please.
“I’m starving! Thank you so much. And, um…” I hesitate for a beat. “Thank you for before, too.”
It comes out soft. Unsure. Because, well… I told him we shouldn’t do that again. And yet, we caved. Hard.
Maybe this wholefriends with benefitsthing could actually work?MaybeI can keep my feelings in check. Maybe.
But who am I kidding?I like him. A lot. I could fall so easily if I’m not careful. I already feel myself slipping. I don’t trust myself around him.
I don’t know what to do from here… Do I give in and risk my feelings or stop it now and keep my walls firmly up?
I lift the lid off the dish, and my mouth practically waters. Gooey cheese, chunks of chicken, baked pasta glory. I scoop a big portion into a bowl.
“Do you want some too?” I glance over at him.
He doesn’t look up. “I’m okay, thanks. Just need to finish reading this. You go ahead.”
“Alrighty. I’ll leave you to it,” I move to the other end of the bench so I don’t bother him.
But as soon as I sit down, he glances up again. “You should sit with me,” he pulls out the chair beside him. “Your company would make getting through this shit so much better.”
I smile, move over, and settle in next to him. He wraps one arm around the back of my chair, the other still flipping through papers while I eat.
“That was delicious, thank you… So what are you working on?” I ask when my bowl is clean.
He doesn’t reply straight away, sits the paper down and looks at me. “Council applications,” he puts his hand on top of it. “We’ve recentlyexpanded the business to do commercial as well as residential after I got my degree. Even with a receptionist, there’s always so much bloody paperwork. The council can be dicks—constant approvals to fill out. It’s never-ending.”
He looks exhausted. So different from the man I was sitting on a couple of hours ago.
“Geez, that sounds taxing. But that’s amazing that you’ve expanded and finished your degree. You’ve accomplished so much! How old are you again?” I let out a small laugh, trying to lighten the mood.
He smiles at me. “I turned twenty-eight in December. I started my trade while I was still in high school, so it gave me a head start. But it came at a cost—I’ve spent almost all of my time working. I tell myself it’ll be worth it one day, when I have a family of my own. Then all this hard work will have paid off. But to be honest, all I’ve done is work. My relationships have always been on the back burner. I want to change that, though. Since expanding, I’ve been planning to cut back on being on the tools. The business earns enough now that I can cut my hours down soon.”
I hope he feels proud of what he’s achieved. I can’t help but feel a little sad, though—for all the life he’s missed outside of work.
“That’s amazing, Lucas. You should feel proud. I hope things get easier for you soon. You want a family?” I can’t help asking him. I’ve always wanted a family too, but with Sean, it never felt right.
“Definitely. It’s the bigger plan in my life, its what I dream of. I built this house with the vision of it being my family home one day. What about you?” He had to ask me that back.
“Of course I do, I can’t wait to be a mum. It’s just never felt… right before. But one day.”
“You will one day, Camille. You’d make a great mum,” he gives me a knowing look that sends a flutter through my stomach. A look that makes me wonder what it would like to havehisbabies.
“Thank you… You’d make a great dad.” I smile up at him. Before I can let myself overthinkthatfantasy, I change the subject. “I’m going to go for a swim if you’d like to join?”
