Page 16 of Cut up
I nod. “Yeah. He did them before he met me, but I thought he’d quit. But it turns out he didn’t… At first, he lied about it. Hid it. But towards the end, he stopped caring if I noticed. He was high more often than he was sober.”
Lucas listens quietly, and something about the way he stays with me, doesn’t interrupt, makes me want to keep going.
“It’s so hard seeing someone you care about turn into a shell of themselves and be helpless to do anything about it. I feel so stupid for not leaving sooner, but people don’t tell you how hard it is to walk away from someone you once loved. Even when they’ve stopped being the person you fell for.”
I’m probably admitting too much, but Lucas makes me feel comfortable. Or maybe it’s just from the shots still buzzing in my system loosening my lips a bit.
“You’re not stupid, Camille,” his voice is firm. “You’re strong. Just recognizing you needed to leave is huge. Actually doing it? That takes guts.” He nods. “I’ve been there. With my ex… We’ve been broken up for years now. We were together straight out of school, went through the motions and just stayed together because that’s what we thought we should do. Turns out she was cheating on me majority of the relationship. When I found out—I wascut up. I knew she didn’t really love me if she could do that to me. She begged me not to end it, promised it wouldn’t happen again. I didn’t even consider giving her a second chance and ended it straight away. I have no regrets.”
“I’m sorry,” I place my hand over his. “That must’ve been devastating.”
“It was,” he nods. “But I’m grateful now. If I hadn’t left her, I might’ve stayed stuck in something that wasn’t right. Trust me, you should feel proud of yourself. You didn’t settle. That matters.”
I glance down at our hands. “I wanted to leave for so long. But I was scared. I kept hoping he’d go back to the version of himself I met in the beginning. He used to be sweet. Or at least… I think he was. Looking back, maybe I was just wearing rose-coloured glasses.” I take a breath, voice quieter now. “I can understand the feeling of beingcut up, I felt like he slowly hacked away pieces of me, trying to fit me into this idea of a person he wanted me to be, but no matter what, I was never going to fit. But I tried.God, I tried.” Lucas squeezes my hand, and I feel it in my chest. “His drug addiction… any softness he had before, just vanished. I walked on eggshells constantly, never knowing what mood he’d be in. He controlled everything. Who I talked to, where I went, how I dressed. So I stopped going out. Stopped seeing friends. I just… shrank.” I pause. “I finally realised that no amount of love could fixsomeone who doesn’t want to be fixed. I fell out of love a long time ago. It just took me until now to admit it.”
Lucas doesn’t rush in with words. He just lets me be, and I like that about him.
I shake my head, brushing off those shitty feelings that talking about Sean seems to bring up for me. Instead, I focus onnow, and how nice it feels talking to someone who seems to really care. “Sorry, I know I just completely unloaded on you—it’s been a hard week.”
“You never have to apologize for telling your truth,” his voice is low and warm. “I like listening to you.”
We drift back into our game and I ask, “So, have you always lived in Coevey Bay?”
He smiles. “Sure have. Born and bred. My family owns a farm a little bit out of town, that’s where I grew up. I have an older brother and a younger sister, Nicole and Patrick. My parents always wanted me to be a part of the family business like my brother is, but I just loved building. How about you, where are you from? I can’t believe I haven’t seen you around until now.”
He watches me as I lean over and take my turn. I see the way he swallows when his gaze travels to my ass. He’s distracted but he’s keeping up the conversation.
“I know right. It’s so sweet you all still live here. I only moved here a year ago. Sean grew up here and his parents were still here. They had a house we could rent for cheap, so it felt like a smart choice. But I feel like I’ve barely got to see much of Coevey since moving here. I seriously don’t get out much besides going to work.” I fiddle with my pool cue. “Before that, I lived in Brisbane with my dad. My mum was from there too, but when she had me, her parents practically disowned her. They still live in Brisbane. And my dad’s parents… they moved to Spain before they knew about me. That’s where my Abuelo is from originally. So it’s kind of been just the two of us for a long time.”
I don’t know why I keep saying so much to him. I barely know this man but for some reason, I feel safe sharing things I have barely spoken to anyone else about. I stop myself, because I shouldn’t say anything more about my family, this conversation has been heavy enough.
Almost like he can read my mind—he nods, his attention sharpening a little.
“Do you reckon you’ll stay?” He asks like heneedsto know this answer.
“Maybe… I really love it here. The beaches are stunning and there’s so many places to visit around here. I feel like I haven’t seen enough. Dani loves to travel and keeps trying to convince me to come away with her when she goes. But we’ll see. I like having roots. So are you going to tell me what you like to make?” I laugh, and brush my hand up his arm.
He takes a turn, and sinks his ball. He laughs. “That’s right. Well I could tell you the dirty version but since we’re still getting to know one another, I’ll tell you the PG version.” He pauses. “I love making homes. Creating a place where people feel safe and connected. I’ve always loved it, I remember finding scraps of timber around the farm and building houses for our pets.” He laughs at his memory. “I also love to make furniture for the homes too, if I can spare the time.”
I look at his hands around the pool cue as he has his next turn. His hands are big, callused, with tiny scars along them. They’re strong and I can just imagine the things he makes with them and the things he could makemedo with them.
I bite my lip. There’s just something about a man who works with his hands.
“Oh, I can’t wait to hear the dirty version. Honestly though, that’s so hot how passionate you are about your job.” I laugh a little.
“What are you passionate about Camille?” He asks as I pick up the cue ready to take myturn.
“Hmm, lots of things. I am passionate about my work too, I dream of opening my own salon one day. I have so many ideas and inspirations. I also love reading, cooking, painting and drawing too.”
“You should definitely open your own salon one day. I can see that for you. What kind of books do you read?” He watches me as I bend over to take my shot.
“Ohh, I love romance. You probably think that’s silly but there’s just something about a happily ever after that makes me swoon every time.” I laugh at myself. I’m not going to get started on the smut I read too.
“I don’t think that’s silly, I think that’s sweet.”
I blush a little. “Can you help me with this one? I can’t sink this one to save my life.”
He leans over me to line up my shot, his chest brushing my back. His voice drops low and intimate. “You know, I don’t think you’re nearly as bad at this game as you pretend to be.”
