Page 36 of Songbird: Black Kite
It was exhausting.
Clutching the pill in my fist, I considered my life, the way I hoped it would go when we had signed withCastor Recordsat seventeen and where we were now.
From the outside, it looked like we had it made. Money. Women. Everything a crew of guys in their twenties could possibly hope for.
And sure, we had that shit by the goddamn bucket load.
But what we didn’t have?
Friends. People we could trust to not sell a story to the first gossip rag that would offer them cash.
We didn’t have freedom. There was no way we could take a day and go do something normal. Not only were we scheduled to the nuts, but when we did go out, we typically got mobbed, hoards of people all clamoring for a photo or an autograph. Someone was always touching, pulling, taking.
All I wanted was something authentic. A genuine connection with a person who only wanted me for me, not what they could get from me.
And until I could find that, until I could trust someone to be as real with me as I wanted to be with them, then the void stayed empty, and I stayed adrift, floating on the breeze to whatever gig Castor had planned for us next.
So, yeah. I was gonna get fucked off my face tonight, and then I was going to enjoy the things I did have control over.
Which was my pick of the bitches Charlie rounded up for us.
And judging from the high-pitched squealing coming from the other room, the show had already started.
Tossing back the pill, I swallowed it dry and shook my head, pushing my shitty thoughts away like I always did.
It was party time.
Chapter twenty-two
Wren
Fifteen Years Ago
Charliecameback.
The lights had barely come back up after the final encore, with Sabrina and I still riding the wild high that seeing onlyBlack Kitelive on stage for over ninety minutes could give us, when he was suddenly there, all broody muscles and shaved head, eyeing up the crowd like he was picking horses at a race.
One by one, he selected them, each woman receiving an intense inspection before she was either selected or dismissed, and I watched as he chose ten of the most beautiful, most glamorous women I’d ever laid eyes on. There was no real rhyme or reason to his selection that I could tell, the women representing a vast spectrum of heights, ages, and ethnicities. Charlie didn’t appear to discriminate; as long as they were beautiful, he gave them the nod, and they headed his way like a pack of lemmings.
But then, just as I thought he was finished with his selection, Charlie’s gaze landed on us.
For a moment, he only stared, narrowing his eyes as he tilted his head thoughtfully. I could feel his scrutiny, the way he ran his gaze over me from top to bottom, as though he was attempting to see if I was somehow worth more than the sum of my parts.
I hated it on principal, but at the same time, a desperate part of me wanted to win his approval, as though if he somehow put me in the same category as those other women, it would validate me in the most basic of ways.
I was disgusted with myself, but I couldn’t help it.
For once in my life, I wanted to come out on top.
I stood there, trying not to fidget, and met his stare boldly, lifting my chin and arching an eyebrow at him in challenge.
Charlie raised his own eyebrows in surprise and then shook his head.
“Alright, tough stuff,” he said, waving us over. “Let’s see what you’re made of. Follow me.”
“Oh, fuck yeah,” Bri said, grabbing my hand and towing me along as we followed like a line of rock chick ducklings. “I don’t know what we’re doing, but I’m fuckin’ down for it.”
We trotted out of the main arena and into the darkened hallways that led backstage, the road crew working diligently to disassemble the set all staring at us as we passed. I could hear the other women talking, speculating about where we were headed and why.
