Page 92 of Songbird: Black Kite
What would she think if she knew he wasn’t with us because he didn’t actually want us?
“Alright, I think I found it.” Pressing play, Cooper watched for my reaction as the first notes of the song started to play.
“TheCruellasoundtrack?” I asked, pleasantly surprised. “A worthy choice, my girl.”
“Thank you,” she replied, giving a cheeky little curtsy before heading to the fridge to start prepping the salad. Cooper was great with a knife, but she really didn’t like handling meat. She’d actually been coaxing me into eating less and less animal products lately, advocating instead for things like meat-free Mondays and bean and tofu substitutes when she could. She wasn’t a fan of red meat at all, so when we did cook what she referred to as our ‘predator food’, it was always chicken or fish.
I didn’t mind that at all, to be honest, but it meant that tonight, I was responsible for seasoning and browning the chicken breasts while she diced all our favorite veggies.
“So, I talked to your Aunt Sabrina today,” I started, going for casual. “She wanted to know if you wanted to visit her when the school year ends. A little girls’ trip, just the two of you.”
“Did she actually invite both of us, and you’re just declining so you can stay back and work?” she asked, entirely too smart for her own good.
“Actually, yes. But you know I really should work. But that doesn’t mean that you and Auntie Bri can’t have a great time. You know she’ll take you to that salon you like. I’ll even let her add some highlights to your hair if you want. Something fun for the summer.”
I watched her eyes light up at that.
“Really? Even if I want purple ones?”
“Why not?” I said, remembering when I was a teenager and had Sabrina secretly shave half my head just to spite my father. “It’s just hair; it’ll grow back.”
“Epic,” she gushed. “I’m gonna tell Jillian. Dropping the knife, she picked up her phone, likely to text or snap or whatever it was kids did to communicate with each other these days. “You’re the best, mom.”
Adding some oil to the hot pan, I smiled as I placed the chicken down, listening to the happy humming of my daughter as she shared the exciting news with Jillian.
Once the meal was finished, Cooper and I took our plates to the dining table, the music still acting as a companion as we ate.
“So, about that guy...” Cooper suddenly said, causing me to choke on my chicken.
“Excuse me?” I gasped, reaching for my glass of water to try to clear the obstruction her out of the blue question had caused. “What are you talking about?”
“That guy earlier. Who was he?”
“That...” I trailed off, my mind racing for what to tell her. I absolutely did not want to lie to her, but I wasn’t ready to offer her the truth, either. “That was someone I used to know.”
“It’s just that you’ve never had a guy over before. Are you going to, like, date him or something?”
She asked it so casually, I might have thought the question didn’t affect her except for the fact that she kept her eyes on her plate as she moved her food around, clearly uncomfortable.
Her question made me uncomfortable, too. This had obviously been brought on by Hawk’s appearance this evening, and while there was no way that Cooper could know who he was or that he was her father, I still didn’t like the way this conversation made my stomach clench.
I didn’t like lying to my daughter, but at the same time, I didn’t have the first clue about what to tell her when it came to Hawk.
“No, I am not dating anyone,” I said vehemently, shaking my head for emphasis.
“Why not?” She raised her head, pinning me with her sea blue stare. “Why haven’t you ever dated anyone?”
“Cooper,” I laughed, feeling my cheeks heat. I had had all the talks with my daughter; she knew about all the things that a young woman of the new millennium should know about, like how to protect yourself from creeps and grown men with wandering hands. She knew all about sex and reproduction and her own body’s functions. We’d covered puberty in all its revolting glory.
Repeatedly.
So, why did having this conversation make me feel like I was fourteen again myself?
“I don’t have time for dating, Coop.” I shrugged, feeling a wave of sadness wash over me.
I really hadn’t had time for much of anything in the last fifteen years, but I actually hadtrieddating a long time ago, which had been a dismal failure.
Sabrina had been living with us at the time, and she’d nagged me over and over until I finally went out with the guy she’d been trying to fix me up with for weeks. Evan was some regional manager for the local big box store that Sabrina had been working at at the time. He’d been sent to our little corner of the world to take over running our location.
