Page 3 of Mine To Break
“Have you seen a therapist? There are lots of different ways PTSD could manifest, though I’m not an expert. Some guys might be depressed, while others can’t sleep or have nightmares.”
“I did, for awhile, because I started having some other issues.” He waited, hoping she’d figure it out. The last thing any man wanted to admit to was sexual dysfunction, let alone discuss with a gorgeous woman.
“Ah. Food was just food, and sex…”
“A man’s got to eat, supposed to eat, right? But I didn’t have any interest. I burned with need, the same as I got hungry for food, but nothing satisfied me. It just… was. I didn’t feel anything and finally quit trying. I didn’t have any medical issues and medications didn’t seem to help other than take the edge off a bit.”
“You can’t perform?”
God, he hated this. Shame thick, suffocating him. “I can. It’s not that. If I’m interested, attracted, aroused. But I’m not. It’s like being ravenous to the point of starving to death, but looking at a table loaded with all the best and favorite foods you can imagine, yet you can’t eat any of it. The thought of putting any of it in my mouth makes me want to hurl.”
As if on cue, their food arrived. His thick rib eye steak looked perfectly prepared and his stomach growled, ready to eat. He’d skipped lunch today and only grabbed a stale donut off Reyes’s desk this morning. But he was afraid it’d taste like chalk on his tongue, just like everything else.
He took his time cutting it up into small methodical pieces before risking a bite. “I have all this aggression and energy building inside me. Energy I used to release on the battlefield or in bed. But with that outlet gone, I’m walking a tightrope everyday. Don’t lose my temper. Don’t lose control. Chase the perp, but don’t beat the shit out of him. It’s dangerous in my line of work. There are already too many shitty cops shooting people out of fear or rage. I refuse to be one of them.”
“Have you tried exercise? Does that help?”
He stabbed a bite of steak with his fork but didn’t put it in his mouth. “I’ve run the blackberry cobbler off ten times over and added twenty pounds of lean muscle from working out so hard, but I still feel the same. On the edge, yet stuck. Ready to kick some ass, but without an enemy to attack. Ready to—”
He hesitated, not wanting to offend her.
She took a bite of creamy risotto and thoroughly licked the spoon as if she’d found the most luscious dessert in the world. Her eyes glowed in the candlelight, warm amber, molten gold, her dark skin luminous, like she’d swallowed the sun and it glowed through her pores. “Ready to fuck yourself into oblivion but unable to get it up.”
So he’d thought. Until he’d seen her at VCONN the day he’d gone to pick up his partner. Until she’d danced in his arms while the camera rolled. So innocent, just a little playacting. Until her teeth sank into his throat and her belt ended up wrapped around his wrists.
“I didn’t need to feel your crotch to know that you had a hard on while we played together.” Christ, her voice had dropped an octave, warm, thick honey that made him want to gobble her up. “I also don’t need to slide my foot up into your lap to feel how hard your cock is right now.”
A fine shudder rocked through him. The thought of her toes sliding up his leg, her heel pressing on his crotch, damned near made him come right here in this restaurant.
“Yeah, that’s what I thought.” She laughed softly, a warm secret for his ears only that didn’t make him feel shame or embarrassment. Then her voice hardened. “Look at me, Colby.”
He braced for disgust, embarrassment, amusement, or worse, pity. God, if she pitied him, he’d probably go home and eat a couple of bullets.
But when he finally dragged his gaze to hers, he couldn’t breathe for the look in her eyes. Without any hesitation, she smiled, her eyes warm and shining with what he could only call interest. The way a hungry predator might watch its unsuspecting prey right before it pounced.
“Eat your steak.”
His eyes flared with surprise, and yeah, disappointment. The last thing he’d expected the Mistress of Dallas to command him to do was eat.
She leaned toward him, and he could almost feel the heat coming off her body. She burned like the sun, a supernova that would blister his skin and burn him to ash, and he’d love every minute of it. His skin actually prickled, as if he could feel the energy rising off her. “Put that fork in your mouth. Eat it. Eat every fucking bite.”
His hackles rose, his ego flaring with a sudden declaration of masculine independence. He didn’t take orders from anyone but his commanding officers. Certainly not a woman. A Mistress. He wasn’t the kind of man who’d leap to obey, not like Vicki’s other man. He liked Jesse well enough, but deep down, he’d never understand a man being that… Meek. Whipped. It just wasn’t in him.
Mal stared at him, not moving a muscle, and he couldn’t look away. If he looked away, he’d lose. He knew that much. And losing even something so small to a woman like Mal would be…
His dick thudded, a complaint because it was trapped in his pants.
Before he could change his mind, he put the fork in his mouth and chewed.
Fork tender, juicy steak. Not tasteless chalk. Stunned, he froze, afraid to lose the moment. Afraid of sliding back into that gray nothingness he’d been living in for so long.
“Good?”
He swallowed, hard. Stabbed another bite. Still tasted good. Damned good. He shot a dark glare at her, suddenly suspicious. Was she some kind of witch? Not that he believed in that crap, but seriously. He’d been struggling with this for over a year, and now, a few words from a Domme seemed to be the answer to his prayers. “How the fuck did you do that?”
With a knowing wink, she continued to eat her risotto. “You’re a hardened soldier who needs something to fight. And I’m always up for a good challenge.”
“What’s the catch?”
She licked her spoon again and damned if his eyes didn’t roll back in his head. He sucked in a deep breath, holding back the surge of lust that demanded he toss this table aside and fall on her like a starving man. “I get to be the lucky woman to break you.”
