Page 81 of The Best of Times
Aron nodded.
“They would take me out on patrol most mornings. Me and interpreter got talking to a family. They offered for me to go and photograph them. I couldn’t resist but the army said no.”
Paul screwed his face up as if trying to stop the memories from taking over his mind.
“I pestered and pestered and, in the end, they gave me permission to go early in the morning. A few men were assigned to me, including Gavin who had obviously volunteered. We got there fine and I set up my camera. I couldn’t wait, Aron. I had convinced myself that these shots were going to get me intoTimeor somewhere like that.”
Aron’s body tingled. He already knew this story wouldn’t have a happy ending.
“Of course it was a trap,” Paul continued. “The family suddenly fled and a fuck ton of mortars landed on the house in a matter of a minute. It was like hell. Everything seemed to explode at once.”
Paul stopped and took a second. He stared into Aron’s eyes.
“You weren’t to know,” Aron said. “You can’t blame yourself for that.”
“The building was going to collapse inwards. It all happened in a blur. Somehow, I managed to push myself toward the door before we were all buried. I now know I shoved myself off Gavin. I used him to put myself into a better position.”
“Paul…”
“Wait,” Paul said, holding his hand up. “You wanted to hear this so let me get it out. Once and for all.
Aron nodded. He owed him that at least.
“We were buried there for hours before the search and rescue came. We talked in that time. He told me how much he liked me. We planned to do things when we got out and home. He said he was going to introduce me to his family. I told him about this place. Then he stopped talking.”
Aron had no words that would make any of this better. Yet, he still couldn’t see how that had any bearing on what he and Paul shared.
“But…”
“So you see, I can’t be trusted,” Paul explained. “When they pulled his body out of that wreckage, I made a vow I would never get involved with anyone again. If it wasn’t for me, that beautiful man might have had a wonderful life.”
“That was the risk he took joining the army in the first place. To protect.”
Paul got up. “Not selfish photographers who fuck him then take his mind off things so much he didn’t protect himself properly. All because of me. That’s something I have to live with. I do that by making sure it will never happen again.”
So there it was. Laid bare finally.
“I don’t think…”
“I do. I do think. We have to stop this, Aron. I’m sorry. It’s been a wonderful Christmas but I can’t continue with this.”
Aron stood. “Don’t,” he pleaded. “None of it was down to you. What else can I say?”
Paul nodded. “Nothing. There’s nothing to say.”
“So you’re just going to leave? Again?”
“I have no other options. Please don’t follow me.”
With that Paul fled the room. Aron stood transfixed to the spot. It was pointless to go after him yet he couldn’t bear to think that history was repeating itself.
The front door closed softly. Aron sank down on the floor next to the sofa and burst into tears. He buried his face in the cushion as he let all his frustrations out.
It was all so unfair.
CHAPTER NINETEEN
Aron hadn’t slept a wink. Through the night, he had experienced every emotion known to man. From desperately wanting to help Paul to cursing himself for letting Paul in again.
