Page 35 of Certified Pressure 3
While Pressure was somewhere in the mansion, I sat in bed venting to Toni about everything I was feeling. My phone was on speaker, sitting beside me on the pillow while I stared up at the ceiling. I had a glass of wine half gone and a million thoughts fighting each other in my head.
“I just don’t get it,” I said, my voice low but irritated. “Like, if we engaged, why the fuck is he still talking to her? I’m not trying to be that insecure woman but come on. He told me I’m his future, so why she still a topic?”
On the other end, I heard Toni exhale, probably blowing smoke from her blunt. “Girl, that’s ‘cause they got a babyinvolved now. Once a baby come in the picture, it ain’t just some regular ex situation. You know how that shit go.”
I rolled my eyes, even though she couldn’t see me. “I know, but it still don’t feel right. I feel like I’m competing with a damn baby that ain’t even here yet.”
Toni laughed under her breath. “You sound crazy, but I get it. That’s some deep shit to deal with, especially with everything goin’ on. You love him, huh?”
“Love ain’t even the word,” I said, sitting up against the headboard. “That man got me in a chokehold, but at the same time, I be mad as hell. Like, I don’t wanna be no side character in my own relationship. I want my place.”
“You got your place,” Toni said quick. “You in his bed every night, right?”
“Yeah.”
“He proposed to you, right?”
“Yeah.”
“Then there you go,” she said. “You already got it. Don’t let no situation shake you. If that nigga wanted to be somewhere else, he would be. You know how many women would kill to have what you got? A nigga who actually wanna marry them? Please. Stop stressin’ yourself out about what you can’t control.”
I went quiet for a second. “It’s not just that, though. He didn’t even take me with him to tell his parents were engaged. He went out there by himself. Said he needed to handle some things, but I can’t help but feel like he didn’t want me there.”
Toni sighed. “Kash, men handle shit different. You know Pressure got a lot goin’ on. He probably just ain’t want no drama while he talkin’ to his folks. You know how them rich, old school families are.”
“Yeah, but I’m his fiancé. I should’ve been by his side,” I said softly. “I’ve been holding him down, showing up for him anddoing everything I can to prove I’m solid. But it still feel like I’m fighting for space in his life.”
“I know what you mean,” Toni said. “But listen, if he asked you to marry him, that means he chose you. Don’t let that go over your head, bitch. Pluto might be havin’ his baby, but that don’t mean she got his heart. She just got that part of him. That’s it. That’s all.”
I didn’t say nothing for a minute. I just sat there, thinking about how true that was but still how much it stung. Pluto used to be my girl, like for real. We were close as hell, and now I could barely say her name without feeling my stomach twist.
“It’s crazy,” I said. “She used to be my best friend, and now look at us. She got my nigga’s baby in her stomach, and I’m sitting here pretending like it don’t bother me. I can’t even hate her. I just… I don’t even know.”
Toni’s voice softened. “You just hurt, and that’s normal. Don’t beat yourself up about it. Sometimes life just flip shit upside down. I ain’t gon’ lie, you stronger than I thought. If it was me, I would’ve been flipped this whole mansion upside down.”
That made me laugh a little, and it felt good. Toni had a way of makin’ me forget how heavy things were. She was rough around the edges, but she was solid, and she was my girl.
“I just don’t know what to do anymore,” I said. “Some nights we good. We’ll laugh, have sex, talk, everything feel perfect. Then other nights it’s like we strangers. We’ll sleep with our backs turned, barely say two words to each other. I don’t know which version of us is real anymore.”
“Both of ‘em,” Toni said. “That’s love. It ain’t perfect. Some days y’all gon’ be good, some days y’all gon’ be mad, but if you still got that pull, that energy that make you stay, that’s somethin’. You just gotta ride the waves, girl.”
“I don’t know how much longer I can keep ridin’,” I muttered.
“Yes, you do,” she said. “You a strong woman. You always been. You can handle Pressure. He wild, but he love you, and that’s what matter.”
I smiled, layin’ back down and starin’ at the chandelier hangin’ above me. “You always know what to say.”
“I know,” she said with a laugh. “Matter fact, get up. Meet me downstairs. I got a bottle and some weed. Kay’Lo and Pressure out back, and I feel like joinin’ ‘em.”
I chuckled. “Girl, it’s late.”
“And? You act like you workin’ in the mornin’,” she said. “Come on. We need to vibe, clear your head.”
I looked at the clock, then back at my phone. “Alright, gimme five minutes.”
“That’s my girl,” she said before hangin’ up.
I got up, slid into one of Pressure’s shirts, and fixed my hair in the mirror. My eyes looked tired, but I wasn’t tryna let that show. I threw on some slides and made my way to the elevator. When I stepped out downstairs, Toni was already waiting, looking cute and comfortable with her hair up and a bottle in her hand.
