Page 47 of Certified Pressure 3
I couldn’t stop crying. “I’m sorry, baby. I’m so sorry,” I said, my voice shaking.
One of the officers put a hand on my shoulder and told me I needed to step outside. I walked out slowly, wiping my face, but I couldn’t stop looking toward the car where they were placing Zurie inside. My whole world was falling apart right in front of me.
As the car pulled off, I stood there under the streetlight, my body numb. Everything I had done, all the sacrifices, all the nights I stayed up with Zurie, all of it meant nothing now.
The same system that should’ve protected her was taking her away. And the same woman who brought us into this world was the reason for it.
The Laurent Therapy Center
Two weeks later…
To be honest, I couldn’t even say how I really felt about comin’ to therapy. I guess it was somethin’ I knew I needed but at the same time, I ain’t really believe in sittin’ in front of no stranger and talkin’ about my business. Kashmere was the one that set this shit up, and even though I wasn’t really feelin’ it, I showed up ‘cause she asked me to. We was in the lobby of The Laurent Therapy Center, a quiet ass place with clean white walls, soft music, and a smell that reminded me of lavender and fresh paper. It was peaceful but too quiet for me.
Kashmere sat next to me, flippin’ through some magazines while I leaned back in my chair, scrollin’ on my phone. She looked good, though. Her hair and nails was done, and she had on some thick ass lip gloss that caught the light every time she turned her head. But she looked nervous too, like she was hopin’ this session was gon’ fix everything that had been fallin’ apart between us.
When the door opened, a black woman stepped out with a warm smile. She was in her late thirties, skin smooth like honey, locs pulled up neat, and her energy felt calm but strong. “Pressure and Kashmere?” she said.
Kashmere smiled and stood up. “Yes, ma’am.”
“Come on in,” the therapist said. “I’m Dr. Vaughn, but you can just call me Dr. V if that’s easier.”
We followed her inside to this small office that had light brown walls, a big window, and a shelf full of books and plants. There was a couch and two chairs. Me and Kash sat next to each other on the couch, and Dr. V took the chair across from us with a notebook in her lap.
“So,” she started, lookin’ at both of us, “I appreciate you for coming in today. Usually, the first session is just about getting to know what brings you both here and what you hope to work on. Kashmere, would you like to start?”
Kashmere nodded, her voice soft but clear. “Yeah, I just… I feel like we’ve been going through so much, and I want us to get back on track. I love my fiancé, but I don’t always feel like I know how to handle certain things, especially with everything that’s been happening lately.”
Dr. V nodded and turned her eyes to me. “Pressure, what about you? What made you agree to come?”
I leaned back, laced my fingers together, and exhaled slow. “She wanted me here, so I came. Simple as that.”
Kashmere looked over at me, like she wanted to say somethin’, but Dr. V just smiled slightly. “Alright, I can respect that. Sometimes one person brings the other in, and that’s okay. We’ll still make the most of the time. Can you tell me what’s been going on lately? What’s causing tension between you two?”
Kashmere jumped in first. “It’s been a lot of changes. We’re engaged, but it doesn’t feel like we’ve had a real chance to enjoy it. I love him, but there’s this… situation with another woman. She’s pregnant with his child.”
Dr. V nodded slowly and turned toward me again. “How are you handling that, Pressure?”
I rubbed my chin and looked away for a second. I wasn’t really expectin’ Kashmere to come out the gate with it like this. “I’m handlin’ it. I ain’t perfect, but I’m doin’ what I gotta do. I can’t change what happened, so now it’s about makin’ sure that my baby is good. That’s my main focus. It’s not my only focus though,” I said, turning to Kashmere.
Dr. V leaned in slightly. “It sounds like that child is very important to you.”
“Yeah,” I said without hesitation. “That’s my baby. I gotta make sure he or she got everything they need. I ain’t the type of man to run from what I created.”
She nodded again, writin’ somethin’ in her notebook. “Can I ask, is this your first child?”
My whole body tensed up. I looked at her, then looked away again. “I don’t really wanna talk about that.”
Kashmere reached over and placed her hand on my leg. “Pressure, this is why we came. You gotta let her in so I can understand you better.”
I took a deep breath, rubbin’ the back of my neck. “It ain’t my first baby,” I finally said. “I had one before. He didn’t make it.”
Dr. V’s pen stopped for a second. Her voice stayed soft. “I’m sorry to hear that. Can you tell me a little about what happened?”
I shook my head. “Nah, I can’t. Not today. I just… I don’t wanna talk about that part.”
Kashmere kept her hand on me, lookin’ at me with that same mix of love and frustration I seen too many times lately. “You don’t have to go into detail, but I think it’s important that I at least know what I’m up against emotionally. I wanna be here for you, but you keep shuttin’ me out.”
I leaned forward and looked at her. “I ain’t shuttin’ you out. Some shit just hurt too much to talk about, that’s all. I don’t like reopenin’ wounds that already cut deep. My son’s death… it’s just somethin’ I still ain’t made peace with.”
