Page 48 of Certified Pressure 3
Dr. V spoke up again, her tone still calm. “Grief doesn’t have a timeline, Pressure. Sometimes holding it in feels safer, but it can make it harder for your partner to truly connect with you.”
I looked at her and nodded slow. “I hear you. I just ain’t ready to unpack all that.”
She smiled softly. “And that’s okay. Therapy’s not about rushing you. It’s about meeting you where you are. What’s important is that you’re both here and you’re willing to try.”
Kashmere sighed, lookin’ down at her hands. “I just feel like I’m fightin’ for a place in his life that’s already filled. Between his family and this baby, I feel like there’s no room left for me.”
Dr. V turned her attention to her. “That’s a very real feeling, Kashmere. And Pressure, hearing that, what does it make you feel?”
I rubbed my face, frustrated. “It make me feel like no matter what I do, I can’t win. I chose her. I told her I wanted to marry her. I’m here, but she act like all that don’t matter ‘cause another woman pregnant. I can’t change that now. All I can do is step up and handle my responsibilities.”
“So maybe part of this is learning how to balance being a partner and a father,” Dr. V said. “It’s not about choosing one over the other but understanding how both can exist.”
That made sense, but I ain’t say it out loud. I just nodded, and Kashmere sat back, quiet. Dr. V looked between us and smiled softly. “Alright, I think we’ve made a good start today. I’d like to schedule another session for next week if that works for both of you.”
Kashmere agreed right away, and I just nodded. I wasn’t gon’ argue.
When we walked out into the parking lot, the air felt heavier than it did goin’ in. Kashmere turned to me as soon as we got to the car. “Why was it so hard for you to open up?”
I pulled my keys from my pocket and unlocked the door. “Because I don’t just open up to people I don’t know, Kash. You wanted therapy, I came. I did what you asked.”
She crossed her arms, her tone calm but serious. “The whole point of therapy is to open up. We can’t move forward if you keep holding shit in. You always say you wanna be better, but how you gon’ do that if you won’t even talk about what’s hurting you?”
I leaned against the car for a second, lookin’ right at her. “You don’t need to know every detail about my pain to love me. All you need to know is that I lost my son. He died in Ka’mari’s womb. That’s all I’m sayin’ on it.”
Her lips parted, but she didn’t say nothin’. I opened the car door and got in. She got in on her side, and stayed to herself.
The ride home was silent. She looked out her window, and I looked out mine, both lost in our own thoughts. For me, it wasn’t about not wantin’ to open up, but more about not knowin’ how to without losin’ my mind all over again.
Some pain just don’t ever leave you. It sit in your soul, remindin’ you every day what it cost to keep livin’, and no amount of therapy could change that overnight.
Eboni Keep in Nzuri Hall
Another week later…
Today, my mama was havin’ a lil’ family get-together at her crib and I already knew it was gon’ be somethin’ big. When Ma throw somethin’, it ain’t never small. She got this way of makin’ everything feel like a damn holiday, even if it was just Sunday dinner.
Me and Kashmere pulled up to the Keep around two in the afternoon. Soon as I turned into the driveway, I could already see how deep the family was. Cars lined up damn near halfway down the lane, all different kinds from Rolls, Benzes, Bentleys, even a few Maybachs. Both sides of my bloodline came through,the Mensahs and the Draquós, so I already knew it was gon’ be one of them long, loud family days.
Kashmere sat next to me, quiet but smiling. We had been gettin’ along better since that last therapy session. I still wasn’t openin’ up like she wanted, but I had been tryin’ to see things from her side. I ain’t gon’ lie, it was new for me—tryin’ to do shit different, but I was doin’ my best.
We parked and got out. The sound of music and laughter was already carryin’ through the air. Kids was runnin’ across the front yard, playin’ tag and screamin’ with joy. The smell of grilled food and perfume mixed together, and I had to smile a lil’. This was my kinda vibe—family, money, and good energy.
I grabbed Kashmere’s hand as we walked through the mansion. Ma’s chef was movin’ fast in the kitchen, puttin’ the final touches on dishes. The house looked beautiful as always.
We stepped out to the backyard and it was packed. Big white tents was set up with gold chairs, long tables draped with linen, bottles of wine and champagne sittin’ on ice. A few of my cousins was already in the pool, splashin’ around while the older folks sat under the shade talkin’. My mama was sittin’ with her sisters, Aunt Nova and Aunt Lyricah, lookin’ elegant as ever in her silk white dress with her legs crossed, and a glass of rosé in her hand.
Aunt Nova looked up from her glass soon as she saw me. “There go my favorite nephew,” she said with a grin.
I laughed, leanin’ down to hug her. “You know it, auntie.”
“Always,” she said, chucklin’.
Aunt Lyricah reached out to pull me into a hug next. “Hey, boy. I see you brought company.”
“Yeah,” I said, slidin’ my hand around Kash’s waist. “This Kashmere, my fiancé.”
Kashmere smiled and greeted my aunties. I could tell my mama had been talkin’ before we got here ‘cause they smiles was polite, not genuine.
