Page 87 of Certified Pressure 3
“That’s what this is about,” she said. “You’ve been running from pain for years, and now you’re tryin’ to outrun guilt too. You can’t. Sooner or later, it’s gonna catch up, and if you don’t stop, you’re going to lose the parts of yourself that still want peace.”
I looked up at her again, this time for longer. She was right. I knew she was right. I just ain’t know how to fix it without destroyin’ everything else around me.
“So, what you sayin’, Doc?” I asked. “You think I shouldn’t get married?”
“I’m saying you need to do what makes you happy,” she said. “You can’t keep stretchin’ yourself thin. At some point, you’ll have nothin’ left to give. This isn’t about Kashmere or Pluto. It’s about you. What do you want for Pressure Mensah?”
I sat back and exhaled slow. “I want peace,” I said. “That’s it. I’m tired of feelin’ like I gotta pick between loyalty and love. I wanna wake up and not feel like I’m lettin’ somebody down every time I breathe.”
“Then you start by being honest with yourself,” she said. “Tomorrow, before you do anything else, ask yourself if you can live with this choice for the rest of your life. Not for anyone else, but for you.”
For a minute, neither of us said nothin’. The room got real quiet, and I could hear my own heartbeat. I rubbed the side of my face and nodded slowly. “Yeah,” I finally said. “I hear you.”
She gave me that smile she always give when she knows she got through to me. “You’ve come a long way, Pressure. The man who walked in here months ago wouldn’t have even said that.”
I smirked. “Yeah, that version of me would’ve told you I don’t need no damn therapy.”
“And what does this version say?”
I paused. “This version say I’m still tryin’ to figure it out, but at least I ain’t runnin’ from it no more.”
Dr. V closed her notebook and stood up. “That’s progress,” she said. “Take the night for yourself before everything gets loud again.”
I stood too, pulled my chain from under my shirt, and nodded. “Appreciate you, Doc. For real.”
Walkin’ out that office felt heavier than usual. I ain’t even realize how much I said till I got outside and the sun hit me. My head was filled with every word she said.Do what makes Pressure happy.I got in my whip and just sat there for a minute before startin’ it. I leaned my head back and stared up at the roof, thinkin’ about Pluto and Kashmere, thinkin’ about my son that wasn’t here yet, and the one I lost that I still carried around every day.
When I finally pulled off, the city looked different. I ain’t even turn the music on. I just drove. Every stoplight felt longer than usual. By the time I pulled up to the mansion, I could already hear loud music comin’ from inside. I parked, took a deep breath, and walked in.
Kay’Lo, Renza, and Blaqson was in the livin’ room with bottles already open. Smoke filled the air, and cards was spread out on the table like they had been here all day.
“There he go,” Renza said, standin’ up and slappin’ me on the back. “Tomorrow the big day, my boy!”
Kay’Lo laughed, holdin’ up a bottle. “We pre-gamin’ Cuz. You better get lit tonight ‘cause tomorrow you done for.”
I smiled, droppin’ my keys on the counter. “Y’all crazy.”
They was smilin’ and laughin’, but my mind wasn’t with them. I could still hear Dr. V’s voice echoin’ in my head.Do what makes Pressure happy.
I looked around the room at my niggas, the same people who been with me through everything, and, I ain’t know if I was doin’ this for me or for everybody else.
Kay’Lo turned the music up, and Renza started jokin’ about strippers for the night. My body was here, but my mind was sittin’ in that office again, still thinkin’ about what Dr. V said. Tomorrow was supposed to be the biggest day of my life, but right now, it just felt like another day where I had to pretend I was okay.
Trill-Land, Jungle Estate
Tonight was my bachelor’s party and I was gettin’ fresher than a peppermint. Kashmere was out doin’ her own thing, probably runnin’ around with her bridesmaids takin’ pictures or gettin’ last-minute touches done for tomorrow. I wasn’t thinkin’ about none of that right now. I was thinkin’ about tonight.
I stood in front of the mirror in my room, half-dressed and focused on the reflection lookin’ back at me. My chain glistened under the lights from the ceiling, heavy and thick across my chest. The Cuban link was custom-made by Eliantte, a quarter-million piece that could blind a man under club lights. My ringswas all white gold, stacked with diamonds that caught every bit of shine they could find. My watch sat on the dresser, an Audemars Piguet Royal Oak with a black dial and diamond bezel worth more than some people’s houses. Two hundred racks clean, sittin’ there lookin’ perfect next to my car keys and blunt tray.
I slid the AP onto my wrist and adjusted it till it sat just right. My shirt was black silk, fitted but open enough to show my chest. My skin glowed from the oil I had just put on, and my beard was thick, shaped up, and glistenin’ under the light. The barber had got me right earlier with a clean fade with my waves sittin’ low and tight. I brushed them once more just to make sure they hit right.
I picked up my cologne from the dresser, Maison Francis Kurkdjian Baccarat Rouge 540, and sprayed it across my neck and shirt, lettin’ that rich scent fill the air. The smell alone made the room feel expensive. I looked at myself one more time and smirked. I had on black Amiri pants that fit clean, a silk button-down that left my chest out just enough, and fresh Saint Laurent boots. Every part of me looked like I had money but the way I carried it made it mean somethin’ more. I wasn’t dressed just to flex. I was dressed like a man who knew who he was.
My phone buzzed on the dresser. Renza had texted me talkin’ about,Nigga, we here, where you at?
On the way, I texted back.
They had already been gone for an hour, probably halfway drunk by now.
