Page 90 of Certified Pressure 3
“Yeah. A lil’ bit,” I replied, my eyes still on her.
She shook her head. “You shouldn’t have came here.”
“Maybe not,” I said, “but I did.”
She crossed her arms, her stomach liftin’ as she did. “Pressure, you need to go home. You got a weddin’ tomorrow, remember?”
Her words cut deep. I wanted to act like it didn’t, but it did. I stepped closer, watchin’ the way she backed up, but ain’t move too far.
“You mad about that, but still actin’ like you don’t give a fuck.”
“I’m not mad about nothing. I just don’t want to do this with you tonight.”
“Too late for that.”
She looked up at me with hard eyes, then turned away, shakin’ her head like she couldn’t believe I was even standin’ here. “Pressure, you’re drunk so just stop,” she said. “You always come around when you been drinking, talking out your neck, saying anything that come to your mind. You don’t even think about what that shit do to me.”
I laughed under my breath, even though it wasn’t funny. “Man, here you go with that.”
“Here I go with what?” she shot back, spinnin’ around to face me. “You think you can just show up whenever you feel like it.Pressure. I’m dead ass tired of this. You can’t keep doing this to me.”
I took a step toward her. “Doingwhatto you? Takin’ care of you? Makin’ sure you, Zurie and my son got everything y’all need? You act like I ain’t been here. You act like I don’t break my back to make sure y’all straight.”
Her eyes flared, and she pointed at me. “You think money fix everything! You think just because you pay bills and keep me in a nice house that it make up for the shit you do?”
“Don’t start this shit again,” I said, my voice risin’. “Don’t sit here and act like I’m some deadbeat. You ain’t had to work since I met you. You ain’t lifted a damn finger, Pluto. You got every fuckin’ thing you want. I made sure Zurie got that surgery without you havin’ to beg or borrow from nobody. She in a good ass school and don’t have to catch the bus, ‘cause I fuckin’ make sure her driver on time. But you still wanna act like I don’t give a fuck? Girl, you trippin’.”
Her voice cracked when she yelled back. “I didn’t ask for your money, Pressure! I asked foryou!”
That hit different. The way she said it, the way her lip trembled and her eyes glossed over—it felt like a punch to the chest.
“You think I ain’t been here?” I said. “You think I ain’t showed up every time you called? You think I don’t care about you or my son? You got me fucked up. Everything I been doin’, I did for y’all. And you asked for me? How? Even my fuckin’ mama can’t get through to you! You don’t want shit but to drive a nigga crazy!”
“You proposed to somebody else,” she said, her voice low but shakin’. “You did that shit right in front of me, Pressure. I was standin’ right there, pregnant with your child, watchin’ you put a ring on Kashmere’s finger like I ain’t even exist. You looked medead in my face and chose her anyway. You know what that did to me?”
She swallowed hard, her eyes wet now. “I haven’t been the same since that day. That shit hurt.”
“Man, stop it,” I said, shakin’ my head. “You act like you perfect. You pushed me away every chance you got. You always talkin’ about space, about needin’ time, about how you don’t trust me, and now you mad ‘cause I moved on?”
She stepped closer, her face right up in mine now. “You didn’t move on. You just wanted to hurt me back. And you did. You hurt me in ways you don’t even understand. I begged you, Pressure. I cried to you. I told you I needed you, and you still walked away. You left me carryin’ your baby and went to play house with somebody else.”
I clenched my jaw, tryin’ to keep my voice even. “You wasn’t the only one hurtin’ around this muthafucka, Pluto. You think that shit was easy for me? You think I don’t think about you every damn day? You think I don’t miss you?”
Her voice cracked as she said, “Then why her?”
I opened my mouth, but nothin’ came out.
She stepped even closer, her eyes wet and voice trembling. “Why her, Pressure? Why you couldn’t love me enough to stay or at least wait on me?”
I stared at her, breathin’ heavy and watchin’ the way her stomach lifted and fell under that gown. “You don’t get it,” I said quietly. “You act like I ain’t been fightin’ for you this whole time. You act like I don’t lose sleep over you. I did everything right by you, but it still wasn’t enough. What the fuck else you want from me? Do you even hear yo’self right now?”
“I wanted you to understand me.”
I looked at her, standin’ there, hair messy, eyes full of tears, and her belly round with my son. Everything about her screamed home, and I hated how bad I wanted her right then.
She looked up at me, and I swear it felt like the whole room stopped movin’. All that anger she had in her eyes started meltin’ into somethin’ else that looked like pain and love all mixed together. My heart was still racin’, but I couldn’t stop lookin’ at her.
I reached up and grabbed her face, and before she could say anything, I kissed her.
