Page 43 of To Love and Protect
Nobody had ever needed her presence so badly before.
Nobody had ever loved her so much before.
Nobody had ever cared about her enough to put in so much effort.
Nico’s love suffocated her, but she didn’t mind. She would allow him to love her to death. She would happily overdose on his love. She had gone her entire life without this feeling, and she wouldn’t let it go, . . . not ever.
Tears gathered in her eyes as she lay in bed on his naked chest. They were skin to skin, and Remedie breathed him in as she tried to slow the thoughts bouncing around her mind.
The bath he had ran for her had been perfect. Her body felt more relaxed after soaking with the heated jets for over an hour.
To avoid another kitchen disaster, Nico had a simple breakfast delivered, and they ate pretty much in silence. Remedie couldn’t really get a read on him. He didn’t have much of a reaction when she told him about the baby other than beingafraid, like her. She wondered if he was happy or if he regretted anything. Underneath her fear, she was happy. She hoped the same could be said for him.
As bad as she wanted to talk about their future and this baby growing inside of her, she knew she needed to address something else first.
“Nico . . .”
“There she is,” he muttered before kissing her temple. She had been pretty quiet, but she appreciated him giving her space to speak on her own time. He rubbed her back soothingly, and she melted further into him. “Tell me what’s on your mind.”
“About the other night . . .” She paused so she could gather her thoughts so her words would come out clear. This was important. She sat up and pulled the sheet up with her. She held it up to her chest as she looked down at him. “Zayden was trying to kill me.”
Nico sat up straight and tried to gather her in his arms, but she pulled away. She needed to get this out without being coddled. “Baby . . .”
“Hold on, Nico, let me say this. Zayden was trying to kill me. I couldn’t breathe.” Tears slipped out of her eyes as she gently rubbed her sore neck. “I think what bothers me most is I don’t understand why. I did right by him and took care of him?—”
“You took all that away from him, baby. Nigga’s egos are real fragile, even when they’re big. You were his safety net, and you left. That shit’ll drive any bum nigga insane.”
Remedie thought about it. What Nico said made sense, but she still couldn’t wrap her mind around it. She loved Zayden once. She may not have been in love with him, but even after their breakup, she didn’t want any harm to come to him. She just wanted him to stay the hell away from her. He clearly didn’t think like she did.
“He wanted me dead, Nico, and if you didn’t step in, it would have been me laid out on that dirty ass floor and not him.” She wiped her tears and took a deep breath, determined to push through. “I’m not afraid of you. I’m not mad about what happened. I’m devastated. I’m sad. And I’m scared you’re going to end up in jail and it’ll be my fault—” Nico opened his mouth like he wanted to speak, but Remedie held her hands up to stop him. After a brief silence, she took another calming breath and continued. “You don’t scare me, baby, but I can’t lie and say last night won’t haunt me for the rest of my life. Seeing you like that . . . it was a lot. And now we have this baby to think about. It’s given me a lot of anxiety overnight, and I don’t want to live like this.”
Remedie felt a panic attack coming on. She didn’t even feel like she said all she needed to say, but she could no longer speak.
This time when Nico pulled her into him, she let him.
“Can I talk now?” She nodded into his chest. “I’m sorry.” That surprised Remedie. She didn’t expect him to apologize. She didn’t need him to apologize. The words to express those things didn’t come though. “I wish I could say that was the first time I blacked out, but it wasn’t. I need it to be the last though. Coming up out of that and seeingyou. Seeing how you looked at me. Yeah, I can’t ever go through that again. Fuck dude. If it means keeping you safe, I’ll do what’s necessary, but I don’t want to disappoint you again. And you’re right. We have a baby to think about now.” His hand found Remedie’s flat stomach. “I can’t let our baby down.”
Silence settled between them. Nico lay back down, and Remedie followed, resting her head back on his chest and allowing her tears to fall. After a while, she asked, “How do we know you won’t get in trouble for what happened?”
She knew what Isla told her, but she needed to hear the reassurance from Nico.
“I been fucked up about that too, I won’t hold you. I even packed both of us a bag in case we need to go on the run.”
Remedie tried to sit up, but Nico held her in place and kissed her forehead. “You’re serious right now?” Panic rose inside her once again, but Nico simply stroked her hair and continued to kiss her head.
“It was my nerves. It happened last time too.” Remedie wanted to ask about the other times this had happened, but she decided she would rather not know. “One thing I know is that Gramps would rather go down himself than to watch me go down for this shit. Whatever connections he has are solid.” He paused as if he had to think about his next words. “I been thinkin’ ’bout hangin’ up my gloves.”
Remedie shifted her head, so she looked up at him with her brows pulled in. “Quitting boxing?”
He nodded. “Now I have even more of a reason.” His hand caressed her stomach.
“Nico, . . . no. Fighting is your passion. I may not like it, but I would never ask you to quit, just like you wouldn’t ask me to stop cooking.”
“You aren’t askin’, baby. I think it’s time. Gramps has always been on me not to make fighting my entire life. I ain’t really listen to him too well until now. The money is good, but it’s dirty. I think it’s time for me to figure out how to invest what I’ve made so I can keep generating money for our kids. Maybe buying that house next door was supposed to happen. Maybe that can be a new way for me to generate money.”
“You said kids?” Remedie had been stuck on that part. It was wild enough for her to wrap her mind around one child. Nico had said kids as in plural.
He grinned. “Yeah. I’ma fill you with a few of them.”
