Page 39 of Mahogany 2
I stopped at a redlight and just sat there, staring at her. In that moment, I decided Diary could get whatever she wanted, whenever she wanted. I couldn’t believe I’d wished death on her just because I was afraid of what being her father came with. It wasn’t that I really wanted her dead just… a nigga wanted the problem to poof into thin air. But now that it hadn’t, I was lightweight happy she didn’t. It was life. My life and she was a part of it now. As important as my other four. She might not have had my heart just yet, but she would. And as I watched her, swiping around on that iPad, I knew it wouldn’t take long before she did.
9
CRESCENT
As I laidon my back with my eyes to the ceiling and my hands clasped behind my head, I took a couple of deep breaths trying to mentally prepare myself for the day. It was moms birthday and a party meant I’d have to deal with a bunch of muthafuckas I didn’t really fuck with. Back when I was a kid, shit was cool. As I got older and made a name for myself, shit got weird. I had to check a couple of them niggas jaws a few times and today I didn’t want to be on that type of time.
The family out at the compound went how I expected it to go. Disastrous but they got shit done. Made enough food for both sides of the family, friends, and the homeless if we wanted to give to them, too. I kept them fed, high, and drunk enough to handle business and they did that, even with the arguing and bitching. Everything was handled; I just needed today to go as smoothly as possible. Moms deserved that.
Closing my eyes, I took a couple more deep breaths and told myself I’d be cool. I’d keep a cool head. I had to. Didn’t want shit to get bloody and shit could get bloody. I wasn’t an uptight nigga. Could talk shit, and joke around with no problem but sometimes niggas got out of pocket, and I had to put them back in it.
A few of my cousins were real lowlifes. Jealous ass niggas with hate in their hearts as if they didn’t have the same opportunity to break real bread like me. My pops, Moon, and his brothers got money back in the day. Ran the city of Detroit, pushing crazy weight. When they made enough, they invested. When me and my siblings got old enough, pops handed a couple of investments over to us. I took shit to another level and started an investment firm. Worked with legitimate businesses and niggas who were like pops and needed to clean their money up, too. I was smart—a few of my cousins weren’t. Their people might not have done for them what my pops did for us, but the fact was…we had money. All of us did. Moms side of the family too. A lot of them niggas just chose to trick off and splurge on yays, minks, old schools, and shit like that. And then when the money dried up, they came at me, wanting me to put them on. Fuck no. I wasn’t interested—never would be interested in a dumb ass nigga who didn’t know how to manage money. Fuck would that look? Me with an investment firm, making poor ass investments?
Finally, I sat on side of the bed and grabbed my phone. I had a few text messages from Lu, O, Rahmir, and my other cousin Teddy. Lu needed me to do something. O wanted to ride in with me, and Rah wanted to grab moms some bud from the dispensary. I laughed, told that nigga to do him. Teddy wanted to make sure he could bring his bitch. I told him he could, as long as he kept the other one on the leash. I had a family full of wild ass niggas, but I loved them regardless, with the bullshit included.
After replying to Luna, I got out of the bed and headed to the shower. It was nine but I had a couple of things to handle before I linked with them in a couple of hours. One being going over the design plans Mahogany sent me yesterday. It was Saturday but Iworked every day. As a businessman I had to. I didn’t get a day off just because it was the weekend or my ma’s birthday.
Before I hit the shower, I stopped at the balcony doors and stepped out to greet the morning sun. I thought about meditating but decided I’d sun gaze instead. I didn’t have time to meditate. Hadn’t done it in a nice little minute. Today would have been the perfect day for it since I had to deal with the circus. Fuck it though, I did what I needed to do earlier by taking a couple of deep breaths. I was like that. Mindful. Practiced mindfulness on a daily. If I couldn’t meditate, I did breath work. Had to be mindful in the line of business I was in. I secured a lot of deals, sat through a lot of meetings, had to deal with a lot of different personalities and energy. Dealt with the ups and downs of the stock market, and investing in general. Couldn’t go through any of that without a clear mind. I fed it just as often as I fed my soul and my body. I hadn’t always been that way though.
After Nova died, I had to find something. And I found mindfulness. Didn’t have the best relationship with God but I got closer to me. I had to pull myself out of the darkest time of my life. God might’ve played a role in it—I was sure He did but back then because I wasn’t really fooling with him, I gave one hundred percent of the credit to me. God was spirit. I was flesh and bones. I pulled myself out of that hole. I had to wake up every day and get to it despite wanting nothing more than my daughter. I had to make sure I was fed, hydrated, and washed my ass. Me. God didn’t do anything but aid to the problem. Yeah, I was still a little fucked up with him. Acknowledged Him. Believed in Him. Just didn’t really fuck with Him. Just like it was with some of my cousins. Wanted to square up with buddy too, lowkey.
Standing at the banister, I gripped it, closed my eyes and turned my face to the sun, letting the rays dance around my closed lids. I took a couple of deep breaths and listened to theworld around me. Birds chirped, and engines roared. Bare feet on the concrete and the sun on my skin grounded me. The feel of my hand wrapped around the banister did too. I might not have gotten a chance to do my usual twenty minute meditation, but I did something.
About thirty minutes later, I was out of the shower, on the phone with Luna.
“I told you they were going to forget something,” She complained. “I asked Auntie Majorie to do the cranberry sauce?—”
“Fuck we need cranberry sauce for?” I asked with a frown, as I rubbed cocoa butter on my arms.
“Mama like it and?—”
“It’s not Thanksgiving, Lu. You sending me to the store for cranberry sauce? Ma ain’t gon miss that shit,” I told her, pulling my white tee down over my head.
“How you know? You know she love cranberry sauce.”
“Yeah, on the holidays,” I said with a laugh. “Listen… I get it. You stressed about today like I am. Chill though. Fuck that cranberry sauce. I’m not goin to the store for that shit, Lu. On everything.”
I didn’t like to grocery shop. Hated that shit with a passion. I didn’t step foot in the store. All of the groceries that sat in this bitch came from a shopper. Either that, or I did a pickup. I didn’t like people. Crazy to say, considering I was in the line of business I was in. The only reason I dealt with them was because money was attached to them. Otherwise, I wouldn’t be sitting in meetings, shaking hands or none of that shit.Some would call me closed off, I would say I was very particular with my energy. Which was why I didn’t have a bunch of women.
A lot of people assumed I did. I made a nice amount of money, drove nice cars, was handsome, with a nice sized house too. I should have ‘the huzz’ as my little cousins always said, butI didn’t. I was finnicky. Picky as hell. I could go months without pussy. And to be honest, I felt like it was because the bar was sat high. Not because my ex was the best, or baddest female walking God’s green earth but because I was looking for substance. Something that could do more than just get my dick hard—that was too easy.
I was thirty-five. Ho’s and phat asses didn’t excite me anymore. I’d been there, done that a hundred times. That shit was old. I wanted—no, needed something to feed my soul. However, I wasn’t looking. Was too invested in my investments to be on the hunt for anything other than money. I was focused. Had goals and ambitions. Yeah, I had somebody I fucked with from time to time, but that was only when I was stressed and tugging on this muthafucka didn’t cut it. She was like me—on a money mission, only fucking off when she needed it, so it balanced itself. Other than that, I was chilling.
Luna sighed but said nothing.
“Aight look,” I said with a deep breath. “I’ll hop on Instacart for it.”
I heard the smile in her voice when she said, “Okay, cool. Instacart works.”
Luna was an overthinker and an overachiever too. When she worked on something, she gave it her all. Much like me. The only one of us that was relaxed and didn’t give a fuck about much for real was O.
“How much we need?”
“A lot?—”
“No we don’t—ain’t nobody else gon’ eat that shit, Lu. I promise,” I interrupted with a laugh. “That’s why Auntie didn’t make it.”
Auntie Majorie told me about the cranberry sauce. She felt the same way I felt. Shit, everybody did. Out of the whole family, only a handful of muthafuckas ate cranberry sauce. Nobody ateit outside of the holidays. Luna was tripping. But because she was my sister, and I knew how she got, I’d get her whatever she needed. Just not a boatload of that shit.
