Page 49 of Mahogany 2
I started to say something but decided against it. Regardless of how I felt about them, I had an immense amount of respect for Ms. Rochelle. During this whole process she’s been nothing but respectful and understanding with me. I didn’t want to disrespect her crib by smacking the fuck out of her son. Then because these niggas seemed to stay on each others' dicks, Justin’s weak ass would probably jump in and then I’d have to find out where the niggas lived. It would be a whole thing. So… I chilled.
“But he here now. Duke, Justin been in Diary’s life since she was around six months. He care for her like she’s his own.” Pausing, she turned her attention to Justin. “But she ain’t though. You are. And Justin gon’ have to accept that. Just like you gon’ have to accept him being around, too. He here, Jay, and he wants to be apart of his daughters life. Regardless of what Erika might’ve made it look like.”
“What she might’ve made it look like? She was goin’ around telling people I didn’t want anything to do with the baby?” I asked, wearing a frown, pissed off.
That wasn’t a rep I wanted on me. No wonder niggas were looking at me sideways, making sly remarks and shit. Theythought I knew about Diary and straight up walked out of their lives. What type of bullshit was that?
“Not exactly,” Ms. Rochelle said with a sigh. “Every time she was asked about you, she laughed and said she was mommy and daddy. So what were we to assume? Sounded like you were a deadbeat to me. But about a year ago, I got a glimpse of Diary’s daycare forms, and I saw she’d put your name down up under mine. We had a little talk. She told me you didn’t know but she planned on telling you eventually. Because I don’t like to meddle in folks’ business, I left it alone, trusting that she really would have a talk with you and God would bring you into Diary’s life when and how He saw fit. I guess this is how He saw it best.”
Her bottom lip trembled, and she dabbed at her eyes. With a deep breath she continued, “Because she had the talk with me and not them, they still thought what everybody else been thinking. I don’t go running my mouth so today… right now… is the first time they hearing this from me. This whole time, they thought you were a deadbeat, and they didn’t like you because of it. But that ends today because the truth is on the table now..”
“She ain’t keep Diary a secret from this nigga for no reason, tho,” Aaron said with his arms crossed over his chest, eyeing me suspiciously.
“Well, I ain’t call y’all here to talk about why Erika did what she did. She ain’t here to defend herself so let’s just leave it at that.” She paused and hung her head a little. “I’m sixty-eight—ain’t got no business taking care of a two-year-old full time. Almost seventy, just lost my daughter, ain’t in the best health… I can’t do this by myself.”
I nodded. Ahh… okay. My situation was about to get ten times worst. Got it. And she said God knew what was best. How? How was this best for me? How was Ms. Rochelle pulling out of the equation going to help me at all?
“So what you sayin?” I asked.
“She sayin you gon’ have to figure something out with ya schedule, man,” Aaron said. “My momma raised her children. Shit, she love Diary—we love Diary—but she was Erika’s responsibility. Moms looked out every now and then but full time? Nah. Sis had that in the bag. Why you think it took now for you to even know about D? She was handling shit by herself. Jay looked out some times, but when E said she was mommy and daddy, she did that shit.”
Justin ran his hands down his head and shook it. “What you need from me, ma?”
“Jus’, baby, I don’t need anything from you. You’re not the legal guardian. Diary ain’t your responsibility neither. I know you love her but it ain’t up to you anymore. I told you this weeks ago. Let him take care of her. You do what you can do. But I’ll never sit up here and just tell you what to do, son.”
I sat back against the chair and just listened. Mind running what felt like a million miles per minute.
Ms. Rochelle was stepping down. She wanted me to step up. How was I going to step up full time when I had a whole ass family back at the crib? The perfect family. We were wrapped in a pretty ass bow. How in the fuck was it going to look? Me coming home to my family… my kids… telling them about Diary? Was that what I was supposed to do? Was that what the almighty God wanted me to do? He wanted me to end my own life? Because that’s exactly what would happen if I sat my family down and told them I had a daughter.
“I’m not leaving you in this alone, Duke,” Ms. Rochelle spoke up, probably noticing how quiet I was. “I’m sayin… I’m sixty-eight, still working to maintain, grieving, with high blood pressure, and limbs that don’t move the same. I don’t work the weekends. I can keep her every weekend and?—”
“You don’t need to be doing all that,” mumbled Aaron, shaking his head. “I thought you said you were quitting last week?”
“Quit and then what, Aaron? Hm? That SSI check ain’t gon pay for nothin! We ain’t talking about me and work right now. Secretaryin’ ain’t hurtin’ nothing. It’s keepin up with Diary that’s hard for me.” She stopped fussing with Aaron and turned her attention back to me. “I need you to keep her at least five times a week. I can’t?—
I laughed. “That’s not going to work for me.”
“You gon’ have to make it work for you?—”
“Nigga, shut the fuck up,” I snapped, talking to Aaron. “Look…” I paused, shook my head, and ran the tip of my tongue over my bottom lip. “It’s not gon work for me because I have a family.”
Fuck it. Should’ve said something a long ass time ago. But… it was what it was. And the cat was out of the bag. If that changed how Ms. Rochelle felt about me, then so be it.
“Come again?” She asked with raised brows.
“You heard the nigga, ma. He got a family. No wonder Erika ain’t want nobody to know,” Aaron said, shaking his head.
Justin sat quiet with his arms crossed over his chest, shaking his head. Good. He was usually quiet anyway, probably processing the shit like I was.
“You got a family? You had a family… then too?” Ms. Rochelle asked, with her eyebrows scrunched up, pain and disappointment written in the wrinkles on her face.
I took a deep breath and nodded. Sitting up, I rested my elbows on my knees. “When we met, yeah. She knew too. I never hid it from her and?—”
“Yeah okay. Ain’t no way she knew you had a family and still dealt with you,” Justin said, finally opening his mouth.
“Think what you want to think. I don’t give a fuck. I know what happened and E know too.”
I was pissed.
