Page 5 of Mahogany 2
“No, you don’t, Ducati. Because talking to you won’t do shit but lead to an argument.” I paused and lowered my voice when Inoticed Tami walking toward her car. Looking between him and her, I harshly whispered, “You know I don’t do this shit here.”
If the trouble in paradise wasn’t obvious before, it sure as shit was now. Duke didn’t visit Couture and he’d been down here twice, back-to-back. Both times under questionable circumstances. And now, we’re standing in the parking lot arguing. What the fuck was my life?
He tossed his head back with annoyance. “My fuckin’ bad!” he whispered back with his eyes centered on mine. “I’m just—NeNe… you didn’t come home last night. Didn’t answer the phone… didn’t know where you was at… none of that. But I’m supposed to be cool right? I’m supposed to?—”
“You’re supposed to have respect for what the fuck I have going on!” I yelled, noticing Tami pull out of her spot.
“Man what?” He questioned with a frown. “Mahogany… did you just hear anything I said? You didn’t come home last night. That was a selfish ass move and… look baby. All of this shit is for nothing. I?—”
“You know I’m not the same bitch, right?”
He drew back. “What that supposed to mean, Mahogany? Man look?—“
“You know exactly what it means,” I interrupted, reaching up to stroke his thick, unruly beard. “I know.”
With a sigh, he closed his eyes, and I watched as his face slowly softened into my touch. It didn’t matter that the gesture wasn’t lovingly. It was threatening. Delicate and subtle, but my demeanor said nothing of such. Still, Duke melted into it because it was me touching him. He was obsessed with me. Despite cheating… he couldn’t get enough of me. Lately for sure. Maybe because he felt me leaving. Felt me growing colder with every passing second. However, we were like that for each other, as sad as it may be. I was addicted to him for other reasons. He was my person, and I was his. I looked to him for emotionalstability and comfort. Like home, as fucking crazy as that might’ve been. We were that. Crazy for each other for completely different reasons, in completely different ways.
When he melted into my touch, butterflies filled my stomach and that part of me came to surface. The young, naïve side of me who loved Duke despite his flaws… despite the cheating… despite the emotional neglect. The part of me who I’d just said I wasn’t anymore. Felt like she reared her ugly head just to remind me. Just to prove me wrong. I was still her. She still existed. Might not have been in the front, but she was there, buried under years of emotional turmoil and heartache, feigning for a piece of connection.
Pathetic.
Quickly, I snatched away, sighed and turned to get into the car. I hated young Mahogany. Wished I could bury her completely. Wished she wasn’t a part of me. Wished she wouldn’t get in the way of so much. Wanted to kill her just as badly as I wanted to kill him.
But.
I couldn’t do neither, remember?
“You know what? Ain’t shit for you to know, Mahogany!” Duke plead, catching the door as I was closing it. “You goin’ home? Don’t matter where you goin for real though, because I’m followin’ yo ass. You ain’t doin to us what you did last night.”
Us.
He wanted me to feel guilty about leaving the kids wondering. Wanted me to feel like a shit mom because no one knew where I was at. Wanted me to think my children hated me just because I’d spent the night away from home. He knew my kids were a soft spot, bringing them up this time was just him using them as a weapon.
“Duke, fuck you. Move!” I yelled, snatching the door so hard I damn near slammed his fingers in it.
He didn’t waste any time walking away to get in his car to do exactly what he said he’d do—follow me. It was pointless because I was going home. I had to, remember? Wished I didn’t. Wished I could vanish, and no one would bat an eyelash. But I wasn’t living for me—I was living for four little beings who depended on me. So, despite how much I hated their father I had to go home. Had to sit in my children’s face and lie about the reason I didn’t come home last night. With him beside me. Hated how I had to do life with him for them.
Before I started the engine, I flipped my sun visor down and forced a smile through teary eyes. Today was a good day. Today was a good day. Today was a good fucking day. With a sigh, I reached over, grabbed my phone and called my daddy because I promised him I would with the good news.
About twenty minutes later,I was getting off the phone with my dad and pulling up to the house where the kids were waiting on the porch. Duke called them. Had to. Otherwise, they would have been glued to their devices. Despite being overwhelmed and annoyed, a sense of warmth filled my body. It was love. The kind of feeling you get only when you see your babies excited, or you hear their laughter in the distance.
“Mommy!” Screeched Sparkle, running up to the car before I could hit the brakes.
Quickly, I rolled the window down. “You know better than that! Hold on, baby!”
“Okay!” She sang, jumping up and down.
Honesty playfully hit her in the head and Spark went running after her. Standing at the top of the porch was Gabe. Hands stuffed into the pockets of his Nike joggers, with that infamouspursed lipped smile on his face, trying to conceal how he really felt. Once I was parked, Aubry walked up to the car and opened its door.
“Hey girl, hey. You look cute. Refreshed,” she joked, referencing my little ‘break’, sizing me up.
“Hey Bry-Bry. I am,” I told her, lying through my teeth.
I mean, I did look cute. Refreshed? I wasn’t sure. We stayed up late, drinking and getting high. And I had on the same thing I had on the morning before.
“Good. We have to talk about my birthday,” she said, putting me to work before I could even step foot out of the car. “Grandma called me. She said she want to help and…”
Kids. They meant well and nine times out of ten had no clue as to what real struggled parents faced. So, they often came off as inconsiderate as hell. If I wasn’t an expert when it came to them, I might’ve gotten in my feelings, snapped, and told her I needed a minute. But I knew better. They might’ve greeted me at the driveway with smiles, but they were stressed too. Wondering what the hell could have happened that was so bad that I said fuck the party and stayed out all night. Sometimes we—yes, we—forget that they are humans with wandering minds, dotted with anxiety too.
