Page 60 of Mahogany 2
“Yeah.”
“Why Gina old ass talking about she’s pregnant? Can’t do no heavy lifting,” I said after sucking my teeth.
“You lying! Pregnant by Eric? Ain’t she married?”
“She was. She got a divorce about a year ago.”
We were talking casually, like we weren’t getting ready to have therapy. I needed a distraction, and something said she needed one too. There was no telling what direction shit was about to go. Either Nicole would want to talk about why we missed the last couple sessions, or she’d take us back down memory lane.
Memory lane would be cool if she kept it as light as she did before. Talking about the past few weeks would make me uneasy. Mahogany left. She would want to know why. She would want to dig. I didn’t. I wanted to keep that shit as far away from the conversation as possible. We were good now. Now that I think about it, I didn’t want to do any of it. Didn’t want to visit memory lane because for some odd reason that made Mahogany mad. Didn’t want to talk about our absence because I’d have to be reminded of her leaving me. Therapy, regardless of how you looked at it, was a double-edged sword.
We gossiped about Eric and Gina until we got to the reception desk where Mahogany gave our names. When we were given the greenlight, we headed to the elevators to go up to the suite. We were quiet for a minute before I gave her hand a light squeeze to grab her attention from her thoughts.
“Hm?” She answered with raised brows.
“Remember what we said?”
She pulled her lips into her mouth, nodded and said, “I remember.”
“Regardless of what happens tonight, we locked in.”
I pulled my hand away from hers to lock pinky fingers. Once we did, I pulled her hand up to my lips and kissed the back of her pinky.
“We locked in,” she repeated just as the elevator doors opened.
The last couple of days had been great between us. Felt like the old days, for real, we’d been getting along so well. I just hoped therapy didn’t undo any of it.
On our way to the floor, we talked about the kids. Tried to at least. The conversation was short. Because I knew Mahogany, I could tell she was in her head. I was trying to keep her out of it. Didn’t want to walk into the session with heavy shit on us but when Mahogany was in her head, she was in it. Nothing I saidgot her out of it, so instead of forcing conversation, or switching it back to work, we just waited in silence with me rubbing on her thigh, trying to keep her here with me.
After a couple of minutes, Nikki came to the lobby to get us.
“Hey,” she spoke as we walked through the door. “Long time no see.”
Mahogany and I both awkwardly laughed.
“I know, right,” said Mahogany with a sigh.
“What’s been going on?” Nikki asked before we could even sit.
Mahogany looked at me, and I looked at her. Neither of us said anything. Except, I grabbed her hand, and we sat down. Nikki noticed, smiled, but said nothing. I wasn’t ready to get into it. Neither was Mahogany apparently because when Nikki asked if everything had been alright she sighed.
“Yeah,” she said, stressed. “For the most part we’ve been… okay?”
I nodded, agreeing. “You ask me, I’d say we’ve been more than okay.”
Mahogany gave me a soft smile before we both looked back to Nikki who didn’t waste any time getting back to the question from before. She was like that. Persistent. Didn’t let shit slide. I didn’t like it. Shit made me uncomfortable. Who was I kidding though? I hatedeverythingabout therapy. Even the couch we sat on. I didn’t like to do shit like this. Would’ve rather kept our issues inside of the house but again… there was nothing I wouldn’t do to make this work. Nothing I wouldn’t do to satisfy Mahogany. And if it was therapy that she thought we needed, then therapy was where we’d be at once a week.
“That’s good to hear. But if you don’t mind explaining the gap…” Nikki said.
Mahogany sighed again, looked to me, and I nodded. I didn’t talk much here. I let her do all of the talking because shit, Ireally didn’t have anything to say. We were here because of me. I mean, I could say it was for us, but Mahogany hadn’t done anything to me. The way she treated me was because of the shit I did so I really didn’t have an argument. Nothing besides defending myself and really, I couldn’t even do that. I knew what I was doing. Was just too careless with her heart to stop. Thought just because I had her for so long, and we met so young that she’d always be here. That was my first mistake. Expecting her to constantly forgive me, while disregarding the scars I left on her. Yeah, I didn’t put a gun to her head and make her stay, but I damn near did. I was no saint. So, because I was no saint, I let Mahogany lead in therapy. All I wanted to do was to be supportive and truly forgiven for the wrong I did. Not told I was forgiven but to be able to feel the forgiveness too.
“I left,” Mahogany said.
“You left?”
“Mmhmm. On my birthday. That morning. I left.”
“Why’d you leave?” Nicole asked, shifting her eyes to me for a moment, probably checking for any sign of discomfort. Which… I gave her. The second Mahogany said she left, I shifted around in my seat. Shit made me uncomfortable. The way she said it. The finality. The gravity. The realization of it. It made me damn near sick to my stomach. Every time I thought about it, I was reminded of how scared I was when I couldn’t reach her. I thought I lost my baby for real. Thought because she thought I was cheating, that was truly the last straw. I felt that shit down to my bones.
