Page 127 of The Last Man on Earth
The chat explodes with opinions that I don’t see why he would value, what with them being strangers and all. But I guess that’s why I’m not a celebrity.
He leans toward the screen, squinting as he reads. “Why is your baby mama older than you?” He sits back and makes a face. “Why yoursain’t?”
Shara bursts out laughing.
“Why is he even entertaining these people?” I ask.
“That’s how it works now.”
I shake my head. “Ugh, he’s reading another one.”
“Why did you break up with Shemari? Man, y'all better watch the interview. It’s up. I ain’t rehashing that shit.”
“That was rude,” I say, laughing.
“What did you do all day on the island without a phone or a tv?” He smiles slyly, and I know what’s coming. “Honestly? Y’all want the real?”
“Oh, God,” I say. “Don’t say it, don’t say it, please don’t say it.”
“Sleeping,” he answers. “I slept a lot.”
I exhale in relief.
“Walking, too. A lot of maintenance type shit like burning trash, digging trenches, shit like that. I fished. Ummm…what else? Well, I guess it’s obvious, but we was out there fuckin’. Alot.”
“Oh my God! Why would he say that?”
When he lifts a glass to his lips and drinks something brown, me and Shara look at each other as we both come to the same understanding at the same time.
It’s gotta be Hennessey in that glass.
“How do I get somebody’s live disconnected?” I ask to Shara’s laughter.
“You can’t,” she teases. “And thank goodness, because at least somebody’s finally giving me the tea.”
I shake my head.
“I woulda been fuckin’ too. Yes!” he says. “Thank you! Sick of y'all niggas actin’ all high and mighty like you woulda been celibate out that muhfucka.”
“Turn it off,” I say.
“No! This is hilarious.”
“Are you in love with her?Yeah. Of course,” he says, taking another sip. “You go through something like that with somebody, that shit really shows you what matters.” He pulls at his tie until he works it free. “She’s stuck wit me, y’all. My little island angel. I don’t think she knows this, but that’s what I called her in my head.”
That makes me smile.
“Did you get her pregnant on purpose?Nah. She was on the pill. My sperm just real potent.”
“Okay, enough.” I sit up and grab the phone from my giggling sister. “Help me get him off of there.”
She types something, then hands me the phone.
“Stop embarrassing me.Oh, shit! There go my angel,” he says. “Y’all say hey to my baby. She watchin’ me. Hey, beautiful.” He grins into the camera in a way that makes my panties melt as little red hearts explode onto the screen. “Alright, y'all. My baby mama said it’s my bedtime. I’ll catch y'all on the next live.”
I sit there shaking my head in disbelief while Shara giggles endlessly. If I could move, I'd throw a pillow at her big head.
"You gotta get used to it," she says. "Celebrities engage with their audience online now. It's harmless."
