Page 16 of The Last Man on Earth
Something about that makes me uneasy. The way she said it, like she’s handing the memory over to me for safekeeping, almost like she won’t be able to hold it anymore.
“When we get back, I’ma work on that.” I force a smile. “I might even lay off the liquor and the pills. Maybe I’ll go to one of them wellness retreats or whatever, and forget about everybody else. Put myself first.”
Her smile doesn’t reach her eyes this time.
I watch her as her lids flutter shut, feeling an ache in my chest that scares the shit out of me.
I never like to say Ms. K is like a mother to me, because I don’t know what it feels like to have one. Not one who gives a fuck, anyway. But I imagine that, in another life, if Ms. Kwasmy mama, she’d be perfect at the job. She’d nurture me and see about me and give me something to look for in a woman. Kindness, maybe. Sincerity.
I don’t know.
“Ms. K.”
Her eyes open slowly. “I’m tired, V. I just wanna sleep.”
“I know. I was just gonna ask if you need to use the bathroom first.”
She closes her eyes again, shaking her head. “I…I already did.”
I blow out a sigh, reaching for her hand. “It’s okay. Don’t even worry about that.” And I mean it. There’s nothing to be embarrassed about. Ain’t nothin’ shameful about survival.
She doesn’t respond, and she doesn’t look at me again, and now I feel bad for even asking. I need her to know I don’t judge her. I’d never judge her. But it’s too late. A tear leaks out of her right eye and rolls down the side of her face. I wipe it away with my finger before it can reach her ear, then I stand and turn to look at Ariana.
“You need to go?”
She clears her throat. “Yeah, but I can manage.” She braces her palms against the ground, trying to stand, but when her bad leg takes her weight, she gasps and nearly crumples.
I lunge forward, catching her under her arm. “I got you.”
“I can go by myself.”
“You can’t even stand,” I point out. I keep my voice low and steady. “I’ll help you, but I won’t look. I promise.”
Her mouth presses into a thin line, and I’m positive she’s about to yank her arm away, but she eventually nods her permission.
We head toward the trees, pressing deeper into the shadows. I support her with one arm around her waist. She’s tense, stiff against me, and I figure her leg must be causing more pain than the cut that’s on it.
Finally, we stop at a spot half-hidden by palms.
I steady her, crouching slightly so she won’t wobble. With one hand, I lift her dress just enough. Then I wait. And wait. And wait. She’s trembling now, but not from her injury. She’s embarrassed.
“Ariana,” I murmur, keeping my eyes fixed firmly on the bush beside me. “It’s just us. We just tryna live right now. Don’t overthink this shit.”
She exhales a shaky breath, then finally lets go. I pretend I don’t notice, keeping her steady. When she’s finished, I hand her a napkin I grabbed on our way out here. She stares at it for a second like she can’t believe I thought of it, then takes it with a whispered, “Thank you.”
On the walk back, she leans into me, heavier than before, trusting me with more of her weight. My arm tightens around her automatically, and I make note of how nice it feels to touch her like this, how snugly she fits in my arms. It’s the wrong shit to be thinking about right now, but I’m only human.
She smells like the rest of us, like smoke and sweat, but the faint aroma of her perfume is still hanging on, still lingering on top. And now, for a split second, I transport myself away from the crash, and the bodies of my family, and Ms. K and her pain, and even being rescued. I’m in another place, a better place where I can enjoy her softness. Where I can take care of her in more important ways than this right here. In that place, I’m on her level. She doesn’t talk down to me there. She respects me. She likes me back. She makes herself available to me, and she loves it just as much as I do.
I snap out of it fast, heat rising in my face.Fuck. This really ain’t the time. She’s hurt, we’re stranded, and I shouldn’t be noticing how fucking beautiful she looks in the firelight when we sit back down.
But I do.
And after I get her to take one of my pills, it drives me to take three for myself, chasing another high to avoid admitting to myself that I want her almost as bad as I wanna get the fuck outta here.
Chapter 8
Ariana
