Page 43 of The Last Man on Earth
“I like to eat boneless chocolate chip cookies and watch true crime.”
“Boneless,what?”
She chuckles. “Like when you bake cookies just enough that the edges are crispy, but the middle is still kinda doughy.”
“Okay. I know what that is,” I say. “I ain’t never heard nobody call it that, though.”
She shrugs.
“True crime, huh? Fuck. You gon’ murder me in my sleep, ain’t you?”
Her lips twitch, but she holds it together.
So I keep going.
“How would you do it? Gun? Knife? Antifreeze?”
Now, she’s smiling as she points to me. “You watch them, too, don’t you?”
“Hell, nah.”
“Yes, you do!” She’s laughing now. “There’s no way you justhappento know about women using antifreeze.”
“Alright, I may or may not have been in the room with my auntie before when she was watching them.Snapped. That’s the one she like.”
“I knew it,” she says, her smile triumphant.
“While we’re on this, what’s the deal with y'all and true crime? Every female I know—“
“Woman.”
“Huh?”
She looks me in my eyes. “Don’t say female to me. Saywoman.”
I spread my hands, palms up. “What the fuck for?”
“It’s dehumanizing. A female can be anything. Female dog. Female horse. Even a plug can be female.”
“Yo, you serious?”
“As a heart attack,” she says. “Which I coincidentally know how to make a murder appear to be, so don’t play with me.”
Now I’m smiling. “Yes, ma’am. EverywomanI know watches. What’s the deal with that?”
She nods once. “I actually looked it up. A psychologist said a lot of women love true crime because it gives us a sense of control. Like, studying the thing we fear the most makes it a little less terrifying. We get to feel like we’re in charge of it, even though we’re not.”
I nod. “Yeah. That makes perfect sense, especially for you.”
Her head tilts. “What doesthatmean?”
“You like being in control. It’s obvious.”
“So?” She shrugs. “Capable peopleshouldbe in control.”
“Do you control your relationship with old boy?”
She doesn’t answer. She don’t have to, though. Her silence tells me everything.
