Page 3 of Nothing Even Matters
I’m Still Waiting
He always fucked her. They never made love.
No, that’s not entirely true. The first time they were together, they made love. Every time after that, it was like if Jeremy was fucking the raw aggression out.
As he sweated and thrust hard into her, Faith bit her lip and blinked back tears. Sex with Jeremy was always painful. She thought it might have been his large shaft; so big he had to wear Magnum XL condoms.
No, it wasn’t that.
Jeremy alwaysfuckedher. Even when she was on top, she could only take her time for so long before he yanked her down by her hair and thrust hard into her, as if she bored him with her sex.
It wasn’t just how aggressive he was. Jeremy’s “dirty talk” wasn’t sexy or hot. He once made a reference how Faith was so tight, she reminded him a size 10 shoe when he fits a 13. Like, who says that?
They didn’t even make it to the bedroom before Jeremy took Faith on a living room chair. She was glad the chair was comfortable enough, even though she felt her insides were being shredded.
He’d always fucked her like he was trying to get rid of some ill feeling or bad memory. His eyes were focused straight ahead and he was almost in a catatonic state. It was scary, Faith believed, because she never knew what was inside his head.
Jeremy grunted a few more times before he yelled out a flurry of obscenities and collapsed beside Faith. As quickly as it began, it was over. Faith thought about the time lapse and could honestly say it was a new record of twenty minutes.
Twenty minutes. She could remember how Eli used to give her oral for twenty minutes as if her slit had a hidden cure and the only way he could get it was by making her come as many times as possible.
Faith’s heart burned with regret.
Eli.
Her high school sweetheart. The father of her children. Her now ex-husband who hated her so much he didn’t even speak to her. All communication had to go through attorneys.
It wasn’t so much Eli never spoke to her but he never mentioned her at all. It was one thing if he didn’t mention her in public, but in private? She asked her sisters-in-law and they all confirmed Eli never said one word about Faith nor did he ever inquire how she was. It was disturbing to Faith; it was like if she never existed in Eli’s life at all.
Frustrated and completely unsatisfied, Faith got up and took a quick shower. Everything was fine. Jeremy just got back from a seven-game road trip and just wanted to bust one out before he napped. It was okay, she kept saying. Once he was well rested, he would be back up to speed. Maybe he’ll let her take over.
She had a lot to do before she headed back to New York. She had to make sure the arrangements for the private school were done and she needed to look up retail space to open up her shop in L.A. She was going to start afresh. New space, new staff, new life. New everything.
She was waiting for the excitement to come.
She chalked it up to the holidays and the stress of moving across the country to be with her new fiancée. They met at a mutual friend’s birthday party and were stuck together the entire night. His 6’5” stature towered over Faith by a good foot, but it didn’t matter.
They were #goals.
They were the epitome of Black love. Ebony magazine gave them a cover. Staged photoshoots at the beach and where Jeremy did volunteer work at the local children’s hospital were the best PR money could buy. They were engaged within a few months and planned a big wedding for the next summer in the offseason. They were the couple everyone wanted to be like and admired.
If only the comparisons to Eli would stop.
Jeremy and Eli were both sleeved up, liked R&B and hip-hop music, and had an affinity for wearing white tank tops, baggy jeans, and Timbs. However, Eli was painted as a choirboy while Jeremy was labeled as thug. Jeremy just signed a 100-million dollar contract while the D’Amato family fortune was close to $500 million.
Eli was unfaithful to Faith once while Jeremy…Faith stopped checking his phone. She knew getting involved with an athlete was going to come at a price and Faith made more trips to her OB/GYN than she wanted to admit.
But Jeremy was a good man, and loved her children. He also promised to take care of her and encouraged her to open another salon, instead of limiting her work schedule like Eli once suggested.
Jeremy also wanted to expand their families and have more children. Faith wasn’t entirely sure she was on board with that since she had three small children. Maybe if they waited a few years, that would be great.
“Jeremy, let’s go check out that restaurant I wanted to go to,” Faith yelled from the bathroom. “Jeremy?” She walked back out to the living room and saw Jeremy sleeping butt naked in the same chair he just fucked her in.
“Or we can just stay in…” She sighed. She shook her head and retreated to the bedroom where she quickly got dressed. She took extra time to do her hair and makeup. Ever since her relationship with Jeremy, Faith’s profile had increased and she never knew when TMZ was lurking in the corners.
Her stomach gnawed at her and Faith quickly went to the kitchen to get a small snack before she left. The cupboards were empty apart from fitness shakes, other protein-related snack, and shit Faith knew she was not interested. It wasn’t a complete surprise. Jeremy didn’t keep a lot of food inside when he had to travel for long stretches of time. Okay, so she had to go grocery shopping while she was out. She could do that.
She began making a list and opened the refrigerator to get an idea on what she needed. She sighed as she saw she was going to need everything.Fucking great. She decided to treat Jeremy to a homemade meal. “What can I make…?” She quietly spoke. “…what can I…” Faith’s body froze as stillness took over. The flashback hit her like a ton of bricks.
