Page 3 of A Boy is a Gun: Part I
Taylor’s taking a much-needed nap as I hold Mia in my arms. I already see features of us both within her. She looks a little like my mother, and I know there will be Nana and me photoshoots in matching dresses. She has Taylor’s lips, so I’ll be packing even more heat when Mia dates.
Mia reminds me of when I wasn’t evil. A part of me other than the foreign cars, the designer garb, and the drugs. She gives me hope to do better, and I’m going to. I’m going to do right by the women in my life.
No more slanging unless it’s those coked-out fools in Congress. No more shooting up. No more threats to anyone. When I told Taylor I was completely out, I meant it. Now I have even more of a reason. I’ll be damned if I’m going back now that I have a reason not to.
“You know it’s okay to put her down?” Taylor’s soft voice fills the room.
“I know,” I get up as Mia yawns at me, “but there’s no place other than my arms.”
Taylor looks at me with such emotion that I can tell she’s about to burst. The love between us immediately got deeper overnight. There are levels to love I never knew existed until now. It’s amazing what a child can bring. She holds back as Mia fusses a little.
“I think she’s hungry,” Taylor removes her top to breastfeed. I hand over Mia to her and watch in awe as Taylor nurses our daughter. Every time I see Mia’s face, it’s a reminder of what I have to lose. I will fight to ensure Mia is protected and only has the best.
I quickly get out of my phone and snap a few pictures. I don’t want this to be a well-preserved memory; I want to look down at my phone every time to remind myself. Mia takes to breastfeeding like a champ, and my heart swells.
Whatever Taylor wants, she’ll get. Mia already has me wrapped around her little fingers. I’ll give her the world before she even learns how to walk.
“When are you heading back to Cali?” Taylor asks as she nurses.
“Sometime this week. The security system startup I invested in is going to launch soon. So will the dating app.” Both startups are catered to the higher echelon of society—another way to weed out the difference between the window stickers and the window lickers.
I view my investing as I view the dope game: catering to a particular demographic. If someone wants to date but doesn’t want to go too far down the social-economic ladder, I can help provide that. If someone wants a top-of-the-line security system without it being something out of the box, anyone can hack and break into it, and I can provide that as well.
The beautiful part is that the rich honestly think they’re paying for a premium, but they’re getting the same shit everyone else has. Better quality? Maybe. But does it work the same? Most definitely.
I realized long ago that I don’t sell hopes and dreams; I sell White Privilege, and everyone wants a piece of it.
“How long will you be gone?” Taylor looks up at me with concern in her eyes.
“Not long, angel. Twenty-four hours tops.” I promise her. “I have to be there in person to meet with some heavy players, and then I’m back home. You’ll be fine. Tesh will be there, and I’m sure my mother will pop in to help.”
“Yeah.” She looks back down and sighs at Mia. We both know what she’s thinking – she wishes her mother would also be there to help. Even if Laurie was still alive, there was no guarantee it would’ve happened.
I know Lamont definitely would’ve stepped up. He would’ve been the grandfather of the year, practically. His presence is missed more than ever.
“What about your Granny?” I ask. I know the woman hates me, but she’s Taylor’s grandmother. I hope she will set aside her feelings toward me for Taylor.
She shrugs. “She didn’t come to the baby shower, and phone calls have been sparse.” She looks back up at me. “What happened to Daddy isn’t your fault, Cam.”
“I know,” I softly reply. Granny knows this as well, but she needs to blame someone. The other people involved are dead, and although I avenged Lamont’s death, Taylor’s granny still feels it’s my fault her son is dead.
It’s another reason why I got out of the game. The guilt I’ll carry forever about Lamont is an anchor that gets heavier with each passing day. He’s not here to see the birth of his first grandchild. He won’t see the first day of school pics. He won’t give any Black history lessons.
He’s dead, and I’m indirectly responsible for it.
I push out a breath and shake off the guilt. I can’t have that cloud over me on a beautiful day. It’s still Mia’s birthday, although she was born this morning. I’ll work through my sins on another day. “I’ll talk to Granny soon. Maybe if I talk to her personally, it’ll soothe things over.”
“Maybe,” Taylor shrugs. She’s not entirely sure, and I can’t blame her.
My phone suddenly goes off, and it’s Hayley calling me. Weird. Why is she calling me and not her girl? “Hey Hayley,” I put her on speaker so Taylor could hear, “what’s up?”
“The police are on their way to the hospital, Cam!” She’s practically screaming over the phone. “They just arrested Que on some bullshit, and I know they’re coming after you now!”
“And what?” Taylor looks at me, and I shake my head. “Calm down. What’s going on?”
“What’s going on is the police are about to arrest you, Cam!” Hayley screams. “I’m gathering up bail money!”
“Slow down, slow down….” The urgency in her voice tells me she’s not playing. “...call Tesh; I’ll text you her number. She’ll know whom to call. Call Tesh after I get off the phone with you now.” I hang up and text Hayley her number. I quickly give Taylor my phone, jewelry, and wallet, hiding them underneath her pillow. “Do not answer any questions, and don’t say anything.”
