Page 38 of A Boy is a Gun: Part I
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“Hey, Granny!” I wave to her and her friends as they’re playing a card game and having tea time. “I’m going to head to the restaurant, so I’ll be back later today. Call me if you need anything!”
Granny eyes me up and down and shakes her head as her other friends follow suit. It’s one thing to have an elder Black woman eye you down; it feels like a firing squad when there are several of them. “Do not tell me you’re leaving the house dressed like that?”
I look down at my outfit. It’s just leggings and a crop top. The crop top covers my midriff, and the leggings cover my ass, so I don’t see what the problem is? “What’s wrong with it?”
“What’s right with it is the more suitable question,” Granny snickers while I hear the chiming of ‘You got that right!’, ‘Tell her, sis!’and the all-time favorite of,‘Mmmhmm!’
I’ve always dressed like this. I never showed too much and I never showed too little. I was…appropriate, if you will. I played it safe. Hayley blings it out every opportunity and wears jeans so distressed she might as well be wearing shorts.
Laurie was always Ms. Bohemian. Everything about her was a free spirit, and she didn’t have to fake it. Either you accepted it, or you didn’t.
And then there’s me – the woman-child who’s still trying to figure out what the hell went wrong so quickly in her life to the point where her Granny is questioning her fashion choices.
My Granny looks up from her cards with a slight smirk. “Well, aren’t you going to go change?”
I know I’m not that grown, but grown enough that I don’t think I need to change my outfit, so my conservative grandmother will be happy with it. “No, I think I’m fine. Thank you.” I reply. “So, I’ll see you around seven?”
“And see, that attitude is why you’re in the situation you’re in now!” Granny looks back at her cards as her friends follow suit. “Thinking that you know better than everyone else. I’m trying to make you classy, and what have you, and you’re insistent on looking like a hood rat. And that’s why you’re a single mother living in my house instead of on your own…bad decisions!”
Granny’s anger shocks me into silence, and I blink back tears. I knew she was old-school and very set in her ways, but she’s never talked down to me like that. Even when she got a little slick, Daddy always politely corrected her.
When I was heavily into sports, Granny thought I would turn gay because that’s what girls who do sports become, according to her. Daddy insisted that even if I was, it was none of Granny’s business.
When I went to Bethune-Cookman, Granny wondered why I couldn’t go Spellman instead since she went there. Daddy again had to correct her politely. It was my choice, and supported me wholeheartedly.
Now that Daddy isn’t here anymore and Cameron isn’t in the picture, Granny feels she can talk to me in any way. I have no protection.
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“You’re here, but it feels like you’re at a funeral,” Hayley comes to the office and closes the door behind her, “you’ve been in a funk since you’ve been here. I know I don’t have to ask if everything is okay, but damn, boo….I know, Finesse ain’t you stressed out like that!”
“I wish it was Cam,” my voice is quiet and small, “no, it’s Granny. She’s been treating me like a child; I need to leave. I don’t know where to go, though.”
“Girl, I’ve been telling you to stay with Que and me, but your headass don’t wanna listen! I don’t know why your Granny is all high and mighty about shit. I know she was probably popping pussy back then. You know how them old hoes are! Loose with the puss when they were younger, but now they’ve become a whore for Jesus!” Hayley shakes her head. She’s always had a way with words that inspire me and simultaneously make me cringe. Admirable. “We have plenty of room for you and Mia! Pack up your shit and move in!”
“You know how I feel about being that close to Cameron, even if I’m not with him. I don’t know why you don’t understand that, Hay.” Hayley and Que’s home is slightly smaller than Cameron’s estate, and when I mean marginally smaller, I mean just that. They have one bedroom less than Cameron’s. “I just need to figure out my life, that’s all.”
Hayley sits in front of the desk and leans in. “What is there to think about? You and Cam are just separated. You two can still co-parent. I’m sure he’ll pay for everything without you asking him to.”
“If only it were that easy,” I let out a small breath, “I still have to deal with the not-so-fun things about Cameron. Mia could’ve been killed, Hay. That’s a big reason why we’re not together.”
“No one is asking you to return to him, Tay.” Hayley shrugs. “But you can’t let him not have access to Mia just because of what happened. We both know how Cameron works, Taylor. He’s being patient now, but soon he’ll get legal, and you know you don’twantto fight that.”
Hayley’s right. Cameron has the money and patience to drag out a custody battle before a judge hears the case. Even if a judge agrees with me, the Pages have enough influence to make sure the judge will side with Cameron.
I’ll be painted as an overreacting bitch, along with everything else they’d be creative enough to come up with. Every bad thing will come out before I even have a chance to open my mouth.
Damn, if I do. Damn, if I don’t.
“And what about homegirl?” Hayley asks. “Cam’s sister? She’s playing nice so far.”
Jamie has been walking around with a half-smirk since everything went down. A quiet anger is brooding underneath her, and she barely contains it. What would be the thing that finally sets her off? “She’s playing nice because she has money invested in this,” I mention, “she pulls out, she’ll lose money.”
“Mmm…” Hayley shakes her head, “…a shooting near her where someone you knew was killed, and her niece was in danger but is she cutting ties with Cameron like you did?” She smirks. “…I knew something was off about her, and it’s starting to become clearer daily.”
“Hate the sin, but love the sinner?” I ask, and Hayley shakes her head.
