Page 21 of A Boy Is a Gun: Part II
She has every reason to be pissed off at me, and honestly, that’s what I’m expecting.Lord knows I would probably set Atlanta on fire if I saw Taylor with another man.She saw snippets of me post-coitus with another woman, so I know she’s just itching to get even with me.I also know I won’t be anywhere prepared for it.
Taylor is young, with a nice body, and she has her own everything.Any man would be a plum fool not to think she’s a catch.It’s only a matter of time before someone catches her eye and when they do, I’ll be catching all the damn heat.We both know I have shooterseverywhere.
“I’m sorry for that,” I reply to her, and she once again rolls her eyes.“I’m sorry I made you upset, and I’m sorry for everything.I’m doing all of this for a reason.I’m with Makayla for a reason.”
“Oh, I know what that reason is,” she rolls her eyes at me, “it damn sure isn’t because of love.”
“Well, no,” I agree, “I don’t love anyone but you, Tay.”
She shakes her head and sighs again.“You love me, but you fuck other women like it’s going out of style?I remain faithful to a man whose true love has always been money.”She’s talking to herself, but loud enough for me to digest.Baby girl is barely 23, and she’s wearing the entire weight of everything on her shoulders.“You’re willing to throw away everything because you can’t let go.”
“I can’t let go?People close to us were murdered, and you’re telling me I should’ve just let it go?”My voice has bass, and I don’t try to correct it.“I don’t appreciate you acting like everything I’m doing is just because, and there’s not a true intent behind it,” my voice is low and calm, “considering everything.”
“I am considering everything, and everything I’m considering tells me this is just one fucked up game after another.”She shakes her head and has a half-grin.“Cam, if you wanted to get back at your opposition, you would’ve done it quickly.”
“No, I wouldn’t have,” I interrupt her, “and you know that’s not how I operate, either.”
“And howdoyou operate, Cam?”Her voice rises, and Taylor doesn’t want to hide her true feelings.Her fists are curled up in tight balls, and the anger is clearly shown on her face.“By fucking every woman out there while claiming you’re fighting for us?For our family?”
“That’s why you’re mad at me.You don’t care about any other stuff, but you care about who I’m in bed with.”Taylor looks away, and she knows I’m right.I cut right to her core, and she can’t even deny it.“You broke up with me; this wasn’t my choice.”
“You always have a choice, Cam.”She asks me, meeting my eyes yet again.“And what would you have done if we were still together?Still the same M.O.?Still engaging in a dick-measuring contest with Ethan?”
“Is this really about me working against my opposition or something else?”I stand up and walk towards her.She stops me at a safe distance.“What is it about, angel?”
Taylor relents and looks down at the floor.The anger in her eyes dissipated, and now it’s worry and fear.“You’re not afraid of death, Cam, and it surrounds you.It’s only a matter of time before it catches up with you.You might not care, but I do.”She lets out another sigh.“Mia deserves to have both of her parents, and you’re out here acting like you don’t care!”
“I do care, angel,” I step closer to her, and Taylor doesn’t stop me this time, “but I also can’t let people harm you and Mia, and get away with it.Ethan might just be following orders and the law, but these other cats out here aren’t.”I cup her face and hold her; our foreheads touch.“I can’t promise this will be the last time, but from this moment on, no one will dare think about messing with me ever again.”
Taylor grabs my wrists and sighs again.This woman is carrying my burden, and it’ll take a few forevers to make her forgive me for everything.“You’re going to do irreparable harm to Ethan.”
Ethan is the play uncle Taylor always had.He’s more of a second father to her than just a close family friend.He’s been a part of her life since she was a teen, and he’ll be in her life forever.I don’t want to kill the man, but he’s making it hard not to.
I also know that if I do kill Ethan, Taylor will never forgive me, and there goes any reconciliation.“It won’t be irreparable,” is all I can offer.
She looks up at me, and she lightly gasps.She has a worried look on her face that’s reminiscent of a bystander watching a crime—she wants to intervene, but she also knows it won’t be of any use.“Cameron....”
“Mia’s birth,” I keenly remind Taylor, and she relents.She lets out a few deep breaths, and I see her mind return to that day.Despite how she feels about me, I know she still has much anger toward Ethan.Not angry enough to want him dead, but at least angry enough that it’ll take her a while to forgive him, whenever that is.
“No one is going to destroy my family, Taylor.”I hold her close and wrap my arms around her.“No one.I don’t care who they are and how they know either of us.They come after you or Mia, and I refuse to control my anger.”
Taylor’s body relaxes against mine, and I win this battle.I know the war is far from over, but at least she won’t try to Left Eye my house.“Okay,” she relents.
“None of the women can hold a candle to you, angel.”I lift her chin and stare into her eyes.She’s more relaxed now, but I can tell there is still quite a bit of anger within them.She’ll always be angry with me to a certain extent, and it’ll take the rest of my life to make it up to her.“I don’t care about any of them, and I don’t want to.They are a means to an end.”
Taylor stares at me long enough to feel like she’s staring through me.“So, if I start sleeping with another man, that’s okay with you?”
Fuck no, it’s not okay!I’ll murder every fucking person that asshole knows.I can’t say that even though it’s on the tip of my tongue.I have to play this carefully.“You do what’s best for you.”
Taylor slowly blinks at me, and I know she’s not satisfied with that answer.“I do what’s best for me, huh?”It’s not a fit of jealousy or even anger that’s coming out of her; it’s resentment, and that’s the worst feeling in the world. “And when is this going to end?”
I feel my Adam’s Apple bob as I swallow what’s left of my pride.“I’m not stopping you from doing anything, Taylor.”
“You say that until you FaceTime me after I get my back blown out by someone else.”She tilts her head.“And yes, I will pick up with him still in the room.”
My heart races to unstoppable levels, and I need to calm down before I really kill her.“Soon,” I promise.I kiss one cheek and then the other, and she murmurs.“I just need a little more time, angel.Can you give me that much?”
Taylor lets out one deep breath.And then another one.She nods, though there is a lot of reluctance.“Okay.”
