Page 19 of Chaos (Deathstalkers MC)
Tracie
As he drives, I realize that we aren’t going to the clubhouse, he’s taking me home. A chill runs through me at the thought of being alone with him. It’s so hard for me to fight the way I feel about him and right now all I want to do is feel wanted.
Randy might not have been someone I really cared about but no one wants to be cheated on. I feel unwanted, disposable, and unimportant. I know Torch wants me and that makes going to his house so much more dangerous for me. On a normal day, fighting him off takes all my willpower, today I don’t know if I can.
Or if I want to.
I try to relax letting the freedom of being on a bike take over my body. The wind making me feel like I can fly, like I’m free. That’s how I always feel when I’m around him. Free, like I can do anything I want without judgment.
I’m also scared when I’m with him. That fear wins out over everything and it’s the reason I’ve always kept him at arm’s length. I’m scared that he’ll hurt me the way that I’ve seen friends get hurt by brothers. I’m scared I’ll get hurt because of who he is, and the enemies he has. I’m scared to be my mother.
Then I think of Nikki and Lucy, how happy they are. The way they fought for their relationships and how much the boys love them. I want that. The only question is can I handle it?
The bike comes to a stop and I look up to see that we are in front of his house. The pit in my stomach grows deeper as the engine shuts off. I know he’s waiting for me to get off the bike. As I do, my legs feel like jelly, not from the ride but from the anticipation. I wring my hands as my teeth gnaw on my bottom lip.
Can I really do this?
Do I really want this?
Torch stands up and faces me. His expression is overwhelming. He stares at me like at any minute he might devour me whole. I break his gaze not being able to take the intensity of it anymore. I turn away walking toward the house hoping to shake off some of the jitters that are running rampant through my body right now. When I reach the steps, I hesitate.
His hands wrap around me from behind. “I don’t know what you’re so scared of, but I’m not gonna hurt you, Trace.” He spins me toward him. “For the longest time I have wanted nothing more than to make you mine. I am going to treat you like a queen. You will have everything you could want. I’ll keep you safe and happy. You just need to let me.” His mouth is only inches from mine.
Safe.
Happy.
Those are two things that I haven’t felt in forever. As he says them to me I believe him. My hand reaches up to brush his cheek. If I was going to break my rules for anyone, it should be for the man who has been waiting for me. The one who has stood by and let me make mistake after mistake, waiting until I was ready for him.
I lean up, pressing my lips softly to his.
My hands wrap around his neck and he pulls me harder against him. The soft kiss I initiated catches fire and he pushes his tongue into my mouth. I open to him letting him own me and take control like I know he wants to. His hands lift me up and he walks us up the steps.
My feet touch the floor and I pull away for a minute looking into his brown eyes. His hand digs into his pocket pulling out his keys. Once we step inside I don’t really know how to act. I’ve been here before, but it was never under these circumstances.
I can feel him standing behind me, the heat radiating off his body, and warming my skin. If I took a half step back, I’d be pressed against him. My tongue darts out to wet my lips as I contemplate my next move. I never pictured tonight ending here.
I jump when his hands touch my hips. Taking a deep shaky breath, I try to relax. This is Torch. I’ve known him forever. There is nothing to be scared of. Then again, I have known him forever. If this goes bad and I lose him, it will crush me. My mind spins with all of the different possibilities, all of the outcomes that tonight could produce.
“Stop thinking.”
His voice rumbles in my ear.
“Just feel.”
His hand skims my side leaving a trail of goose bumps in its wake. His breath warms my neck and I lean my head back against his chest. A sigh releases from my mouth. I want to let myself go. Let myself finally have what I’ve wanted for all of these years. His lips drag over the skin between my neck and shoulder as my hands rise to wrap around his head.
“Tell me what you want.” I jump at the sound of his voice breaking me from the trance he had me in.
I want him to take me.
To make me his.
I want to feel what it’s like to be cared for by someone.
I turn and look into the eyes of the man I have been too scared to face for years. “You.”
He groans. “Are you sure? Once you say yes there is no going back.”
