Page 50 of Sexy Beginnings
Chapter Thirty-Four
Lucy
I sit on the bed in my room still trying to even myself out. The door opens and Twisted walks in.
He stands at the edge of the bed his hands in his pockets. “So, Whip says you remembered some shit. You’re back to feeling like yourself again?” His eyes are focused on mine watching me like a hawk.
We were really close before everything happened. I take a deep breath. “Not completely. I’m a work in progress.”
He sits down on the edge of the bed. “You really scared us all, Luce.”
I look at him. I want to give him a hug. To show him a form of comfort that I used to have no problem giving. It feels foreign to me and scares me. I bite my lip at the thought of having to endure any physical touch. “I know. I’m sorry. I don’t know how to explain it.” I run my hand through my hair. “It was like I knew how much I cared about all of you, but I just couldn’t feel it anymore. I couldn’t feel anything. Nothing mattered. Then today everything just came rushing back, it was all so overwhelming, and painful. I’m so confused and torn right now between the person I used to be and the person I’ve been forced to become.”
His head shakes. “I know everything that happened to you. That is shit that no one should ever have to go through. You’re still you though.”
“That’s where you’re wrong.” I close my eyes trying to remember that girl. “I’m not her anymore, and I can’t be. He took that girl away, and I can’t get her back. The innocence she had, the way she assumed the best of people, and the way she trusted with all her heart. I will never be her again. She died in that basement long before you and Jordan came to rescue me.”
“So what now?” He looks over at me.
“That’s the million dollar question. I don’t know.” I hang my head feeling completely defeated.
“Fuck that.” My head snaps up at his harsh words. “You don’t give up, sis. You do that and even in hell you’re letting that asshole win. You may not be the girl you used to be but that doesn’t mean your life needs to be over.” He stands up and pulls his cut off. Turning his back to me, he reaches back and pulls his shirt up his back. My loud gasp fills the room. He turn to face me showing me his bare chest and I raise my hand to cover my open mouth. “Don’t ask because I’m not going there.”
Twisted’s entire upper body is covered in scars. Different shapes, and sizes but all over. He lets his shirt down and his eyes focus on me again. “I don’t let many people see this side of me, but you need to know shit can only destroy you if you let it. You do not let this shit destroy you. Take it in and use it to become a stronger person. And don’t you dare say you can’t because you have it in you, if you didn’t you wouldn’t be sitting here right now. You would have given up before we got to you. You’re a fighter, Lucy, so start fuckin fightin’.” With those words, he picks up his cut and leaves the room.
I sit there digesting everything that just happened. I can’t help but wonder what he’s been through to cause all of that and how he survived it all.
Then I think about what he said about me. Am I strong enough to come out on top of this? To face my demons and go on living? It’s so hard to try to move on from something that you can’t stop reliving. If you can’t escape it, then how can you forget it?
I lay down on the pillow needing to close my eyes for a minute. I feel a hand touch me and I scream, lashing out in defense of whoever is trying to hurt me.
“Lucy, it’s just me.” Jordan is standing in my now dark room. “You fell asleep. I didn’t want to wake you up earlier but the guys just got back and they have your sister. Are you sure about this?” His eyes watch me as if I am a glass vase teetering on the edge and about to break.
I understand his reservations completely. “I’m sure. I need this.” I stand up and stop in front of Jordan.
As we face each other, neither of us really know what to say or do. I know that he has no idea how to act around me, and I’m not really sure what I want him to do. “Lucy, I’m following your lead here. You have to let me know what to do. I don’t want to push you too far too fast. I love you.”
The problem is that I don’t know what I need from him right now. I don’t even know what I need from me. “Thank you. I just don’t know what I need right now.” I can see the disappointment in his eyes at my response. He needs more from me. That’s when I spot it. Maybe I can’t figure out what to say right now, but this might help show him how I’m feeling. I walk past him, and grab my property jacket. Slipping it on I look back at him, the smile on his face is all I need to know that I’m on the right track.
“I’m ready.” I follow Jordan to the garage and see the other brothers gathered around.
Pres is there and when we walk in, he comes up to us. “Nice to see you feeling better. You should know though that this ain’t what we normally do. Special circumstances.”
I nod at him and he leaves along with the rest of the boys except for Twisted and Jordan. I walk closer to Amy and Twisted removes the gag they had over her mouth.
“Please let me go. Please don’t kill me!” She is pleading with them and completely ignoring me. “I won’t tell anyone I promise. Please just let me go,” she cries as Twisted holds her up.
“It’s not up to them,” I say as I look at the girl I was ready to sacrifice myself for. I was so desperate for some sort of blood family that I was too blind to see what was right in front of my face.
“Lucy? I didn’t know you—”
“What? Lived? You thought he killed me? I’m sure you would have liked that. Then no one would have known that you helped them. That without you they wouldn’t have gotten to me.” I take a step closer to her. “I felt sorry for you. You used my past against me, my pain as leverage. You are as horrible of a person as they are.”
She shakes her head. “I’m sorry. I just did what Daddy wanted me to. They told me I would be punished if I didn’t. What was I supposed to do?”
“You could have said no! You could have told me!” Tears sting my eyes. “The things that happened to me down there have changed me for the rest of my life and that is all because of you. I lost my child because of the things they did to me.” My voice is loud and cracking with emotion.
“You can’t kill me, I’m your sister! You love me! You’re not a killer, Lucy. You aren’t that person.” Her eyes plead with me.
