Page 18 of Sexy Beginnings
Chapter Eleven
Lucy
His eyes are fixed on me and I am frozen in place. He takes a few silent steps toward me. I face him causing my body to become flush with the wall behind me. With another two steps he is face to face with me. His breathing is labored and I can feel his chest hitting mine with each inhale.
“Tell me to leave.” Jordan’s voice is strained and hard as he stares into my eyes. His lips are only an inch away from mine and I can’t help but want to move forward. I want to kiss him.
I don’t respond. I don’t want him to leave.
His hands quickly grab mine pinning them next to my head. “Tell. Me. To. Leave.” Each word growled as if he were an animal.
I shake my head very slightly, my tongue darting out to wet my lips. With him so close to me I can’t even think straight. All kinds of alarm bells are ringing in my head, and every inch of me is screaming for him to touch me.
His mouth crashes against mine, the force taking my breath away. His tongue enters my mouth and takes over. He is consuming me, owning every part of me with one kiss. His hands pin mine, immobilizing me and leaving me at his mercy. This is the moment I have dreamed of for years and it’s finally happening.
His mouth moves down my jawline, slowly nipping down my neck. I let out a moan. My hands flex with the need to touch him, to run my hands over his body, to feel him.
In an instant my arms flop to my sides and there is an emptiness where he was. Jordan is standing in the middle of the dressing room. “Fuck!” He walks toward the door.
“Jordan!” My voice is full of need, and want. He turns back toward me. “Stay.” It’s only one word, but it holds so much weight. It’s a plea.
He looks at me for what feels like forever before shaking his head and leaving the room. I’m still leaning against the wall, my breathing quick and deep. I sag against it as the door closes.
What the hell was that?
Why would he kiss me and then just leave?
Maybe I wasn’t good at it. Maybe I couldn’t compare to all of the other girls he had had. Maybe I wasn’t enough. That was always my greatest fear when I thought about being with Jordan. My lack of experience compared to the fact that he knew what he was doing.
I look at myself in the mirror and I’m ashamed of the person looking back at me. I can almost hear my mother calling me a whore. I did this for Jordan. I wanted him to see me as a woman, to want me. Well mission accomplished, too bad I couldn’t keep his attention.
I’m pathetic.
I wipe away a lonely tear trailing down my cheek before I reach for my clothes. Even these aren’t me, the tight low cut black shirt and hip hugging black jeans are for him. I just wanted him to notice me, now I wish he never had. I wish I had never walked into that warehouse.
I walk out of the room and look for Tracie. She is standing at the bar talking to Twisted. “Well, hey there, sexy!” She smiles at me and I fake one for her in return, hoping I can fool her long enough to get out of here.
Twisted turns to face me. “Hey, Luce, you ready to go home? Jordan asked me to give you a ride back.” I wish I could say I was surprised but after he ran out of the room like that, I’m not.
“Yeah, let’s go.” I wave goodbye to Tracie, and follow Twisted out to his bike.
“Here.” He hands me a wad of money. “This was yours from tonight. Tracie asked me to give it to you.” He hands me a helmet, “You good?”
I nod, not trusting my voice. I awkwardly climb onto the bike. The fact that this is my first time riding on one is completely lost on me. I can’t think of anything but him. We ride back to the clubhouse in silence. The entire time all I can think of is hiding in my room and hoping that somehow this day magically disappears.
When we walk in, I see Jordan walking toward the door with a bag in his hand. “I’m going on the road for the rest of the week. Pres said for you to keep watch over Lucy.” Twisted nods his head.
He’s leaving?
Was it that bad that he has to get out of town? I look at him, but he won’t meet my eyes.
Coward.
I walk past him, my shoulder hitting his. Once I’m in the hallway and out of their sight, I break out into a run. I will not shed a tear until I’m behind closed doors. I shut the door and collapse face first on the bed, my pillow masking the sobs breaking out of my mouth. For over three years, I have wanted him to kiss me, give me attention, affection.
I pictured the day I turned eighteen to be a day that he claimed me like I have seen some of the other guys do to their girls. I’ve dreamed of being his, now those dreams have been completely slashed. Will I still be allowed to stay here after I turn eighteen? Will I even want to? If Jordan moves on I don’t know that I could watch him with random girls, or God forbid claiming someone else.
I eventually fall asleep, visions of what I thought my life could be slowly disappearing.
