Page 23 of Kiss My Crown
I see Melanie wobbling a bit and realize she broke drinking code one. Always carb up before you drink. I like to call it going on a carbcation before the fun starts. I walk over to her with a plate full of food, hoping to get some of it in her stomach before things go south.
“Can I get two Moscatos?” Melanie leans on the bar.
“Already double fisting?” I cock an eyebrow at her.
“My mother just asked if I’ve managed to get myself laid yet. You’re lucky I don’t order three and stick one between my boobs.” She groans, and I can’t help but laugh.
“Here you go, ma’am.” The bartender places the two glasses in front of her with a smile.
“Ma’am?” Mel turns to me. “Did he just call me ma’am?”
Oh, Jesus. “He’s a country boy. It’s Southern hospitality. Chill out, girl.”
The guy smiles at me as if thanking me for the aid.
Mel turns back to the bartender. “I appreciate that, but don’t call me ma’am. The only kind of Southern hospitality I want right now is on my vagina.” She grabs her glasses and walks away.
“Sorry about that. Weddings make people crazy.” I shrug and pass him a five for dealing with Suzy Vagina. I abandon my plate at the bar and take a quick shot before I walk away.
Dani comes up to me and loops her arm through mine. “Tom’s friends are creepy. I swear I’ll leave this wedding with like five restraining orders in the works.”
“Yeah, well, Mel is so far gone she just talked about her vagina to the bartender.”
“Shut the fuck up.” Dani’s eyes widen. “I miss all the good shit. Wanna be lesbians tonight?”
I laugh. Anytime we are over getting hit on while we’re out we just start telling guys that we’re together. “Sure thang, hot stuff.” I smack her butt, and we laugh as we walk toward the dance floor.
Mel is in the middle dancing, so we walk up and join her. After only a few minutes a guy shimmies his way beside me.
“You look gorgeous tonight.” It might have been sweet if his slimy tongue wasn’t licking his lips when he said it.
“Thanks.” I jerk my thumb toward Dani. “My girlfriend thinks so too.”
“Huh?” he shouts, pretending like he didn’t hear me.
“I like pussy!” I say.
“Me too!” The guy high fives me before walking off with an expression of disbelief.
Melanie looks over at me. “Is the pirate so bad that you finally joined the carpet muncher squad?”
Dani and I just look at each other before we break out in laughter. She’s lucky I love her.
I look over to see my grandma twerking on Marshall and freeze. “Jesus.”
Dani and Melanie follow my gaze. “Damn, Kate, your grandma is getting more action than you.”
Melanie giggles. “That’s because she doesn’t maim her men in the bedroom.”
I shoot her a look and turn my back to my family.
The song changes over to a slow one and Mel yells something I don’t understand to the DJ. “Why do they play slow songs?” She huffs, crossing her arms. “I mean, I get it, it’s a wedding. However, most people at weddings are lonely and the whole process is depressing.”
“Dude, what are you talking about?” I look over at her.
“Even when you find someone that is decent, they really aren’t. You might think you like them, but you don’t. They’re the complete opposite of you. No matter how much you try, you can’t stop thinking of them.” She finally takes a breath.
Dani and I look at each other in complete confusion.
