Page 7 of Kiss My Crown
This should be my new motto.
Why look for someone else?
Just do it yourself.
I have off for the day tomorrow and I cannot wait. Tonight Melanie, Danielle, and I are having a girls’ night. It’s been a while since we were able to because Danielle has been going home to visit her family the past few days off she had.
We have all grown so close over the past year and they’re like my sisters. However, if we were really sisters it’d be one messed up family. We all look pretty similar, with long blond hair like we just stepped off the cheerleading team. I’m the bitch of the group, Melanie is the good girl, and Danielle is our brainiac. Which is ironic considering we are all the exact opposites of what we’re assumed to be.
Dani is taking online courses at the college so she can finish her bachelor’s degree, while working as a brainless flying bimbo every day. I might sound harsh, but you should see these girls. I swear that one actually asked me how to spell Christmas around the holidays last year, and it was written on the front of the card she was signing.
Melanie is stuck too because all the villains really act like assholes. I should honestly have been cast as a villain. Mel barely curses and hates confrontation, so I swear she is the sacrificial lamb of that group. I tell her all the time how we should just switch roles because it would make so much more sense.
Me, I’ve just been jaded. I’ve gotten screwed-over multiple times by jerks, and when I was nice I was constantly taken advantage of. I adapted the bitch attitude to make sure that people knew not to mess with me.
What’s nice is that when the three of us are together it’s like we can all just let loose and not worry about keeping up whatever mask we wear. I walk into the apartment, balancing the pizza boxes as I try to not drop them. I sit them on the counter and see the girls already making drinks. This is exactly what I needed: pizza, drinks, and no peen in sight.
“You mean you’re actually here and not hunting down some other form of revenge sex?” Dani makes a shocked expression at me.
“Shut up. I tried. I failed. I get it. Who knew it would be so hard to get laid?” I shrug, grabbing myself a plate and a slice.
“I swear you should have been born a man,” Melanie says as she puts the drinks in the living room.
“Hey now, there is nothing wrong with a healthy appetite for sex. Where you go wrong is when you start being a slut. I am technically not a slut since I haven’t gotten laid. I might have been aspiring to be one, but I never got there.” Cake boy and cowboy totally turned me off sex for at least a few days.
“Well, I think you need to find someone outside of the park. There is no one worth anything in that place.” Dani shakes her head. “I swear people come thinking it’s the happiest place on Earth and we are all unicorns shitting sunshine and glitter. In all reality there is so much sex and depravity they would probably never let their kids touch a single surface in the whole place.”
“I just have to say I don’t know how you deal with the girls you work with. I would’ve snapped one of them in half by now.” I take a long drink.
“Honestly, they’re all so stupid and easily confused it’s entertaining. A couple days ago I told Tami that they wanted her to do a meet and greet at point number ninety-three on the map.” She starts to laugh and neither of us really gets it.
“What is ninety-three?” Melanie asks.
“That’s just it, there isn’t one. The idiot was walking around for four hours looking for a place that didn’t even exist.” We all laugh with her now, picturing the lost fairy who can’t read the map.
“Well, at least neither of you has to work with your cheating jackass of an ex. I swear I just want to kick him in the balls every minute I’m within range. That is not proper princess behavior, though.”
“Please, like you could ever be a proper princess if you tried.” Dani throws one of the couch pillows at me.
“Hey, I don’t know what you’re talking about. I’m a fucking lady.” I stand up in front of them and curtsy before walking all prim and proper to get another slice of pizza. “Ladies, would either of you be interested in some more sustenance?”
They both break out in laughter as I walk back to the couch.
“So what’s the plan? You still hunting down a rebound?” Dani arches her eyebrow at me.
“Um, no. I think with my luck I’m scared to see what I might encounter next.” I shake my head. “But don’t act all innocent. You remember elephant man?”
Dani had this guy who was uncircumcised and she said that it reminded her of an elephant trunk and she half expected it to spray like a hose. “Ew. I’m eating. Can we not talk about him?”
Melanie just shakes her head at the both of us. “You guys are insane.”
“Hey, hey, goody-goody. Don’t pretend like you’ve never been jackhammered. You stuck with rabbit boy for the longest time just because you felt bad to break up with him.”
Her cheeks get red. Mel’s last boyfriend got the nickname rabbit from us. Whenever they did it he used to be on top and then lock his fingers together on top of her head. The whole time he would press down on her head while he was going at it almost like using her for leverage.
“Oh, I remember him! We were scared he’d break your neck and you’d end up paralyzed!” Dani shouts.
“You’re both terrible. James was a nice guy.” She gets up, taking her plate inside.
